nqtrans

[nqtrans]

Hi Bille. I’ve only recently become aware of living my life with a very female mind, thanks to sessions with a psychologist. So many things in my life up to that point started to make sense. Since accepting that I’m really a woman, I have an overwhelming desire to announce myself to the world. I haven’t yet been brave enough to go through with it though, mostly because of where I live. I have however made some changes that go part way to coming out. I wear nail polish almost 24×7 now. I wear stocking rather than socks when I’m wearing long pants. I almost aways wear a bra and gaff panties. I’m also growing my hair long, something I’ve always wanted to do but didn’t because of peer pressure. I spent very close to 100% of my time at home as a woman and it makes me feel so good that I can cope with not coming out in public. I love that I am now allowed to “work from home”, which means I can make myself up properly.
While I have come out to my wife, I haven’t come out to my family. The only time I’m dressed fully in male clothing is when I’m with my grandchildren. I love them so much that it doesn’t bother me to pretend to be a man for them.

[nqtrans]

Article in local newspaper here about a woman being harassed and abused at a local club because of her more masculine appearance. Yet another reminder that I must repress my desire to live full-time as a woman (here) else risk ending up in hospital.

[nqtrans]

Nice summary Laurette.
Classification usually results in feeling of having to conform, regardless of the classification (even non-binary is a classification). My psychologist gave me a subtle warning that my trying to conform with what “trans” means for others could lead to the same long-term depression that I had when trying to conform to society’s expectation of what being male is. One of the outcomes from my sessions which I have to focus on is being authentic (being me).

[nqtrans]

I watched a youtube video today about the non-physical effects of hormone therapy. I’m not on hormones and yet I find that all but one of the discussed changes applies to me, even though I’ve never been on hormone therapy. While my deepest desire is to have a body that matches my mind, but I live in a town where there is a lot of trans-phobia and lack of understanding towards people with gender identity issues. I had a wake up call a few days ago on what I’d likely face, when I saw what another trans-woman had to endure at a shopping centre here.

[nqtrans]

Update: With time, my technique has improved a bit in regards to use of tape for tucking. I can now achieve an almost flat look without stretching the tape too much. I have started wearing gaff panties that achieve close to the same look much quicker – great for urgent toilet trips. I still use tape for when I wear body hugging clothes.

[nqtrans]

Thanks to several posters on makeup tips, wish I had joined this forum much earlier – could have avoided some poor choices. I am fairly new to spending more time as a woman than as a man.

I stumbled onto Sally Hansen Insta-Dri (suggested by someone here) – nice finish and fairly cheap. I have often forgotten to take off red finger nail polish before pretending to be male again. A few people have clearly noticed, but haven’t said anything. I have nail polish remover at work now, for when I do forget. I’ve been wearing blue nail polish on my feet for a few months now (almost 24×7), got a few questions early on, but most people have got used to it now. Blue & black seem to be a “safe” colours, but red makes me feel prettier.

I wear pantyhose/stockings almost every day. When questioned, I’ve simply said that I wear stocking socks for comfort with my very snug-fitting bicycle shoes, where thin is recommended. So far, everyone has accepted this.

I’m lucky in that my shoulders/arms aren’t very masculine, so I can wear tight-fitting sleeved dresses/blouses easily. However, I still tend to buy clothes that have some stretch in them. I often go out in public wearing women’s shorts – tighter fitting ones seem to go unnoticed in my experience.

Unfortunately, I fairly well endowed down below. Wearing lace/feminine panties back-to-front gives decent security in front and a brazilian bikini look at the back. The latter works for me, I’ve had quite a lot of positive body comments in regards to my rear.

Bras are a challenge for me – made many online purchases that simply don’t fit. I’ve found sports bras are the safest and easiest to put on, if you can put up with tight. Trans-women with more muscular/thicker upper bodies may have more difficulty than I have. I recently purchased a strapless, underwire bra that works for me.

I have a large head and haven’t yet found a wig that fits comfortably. I am trying to grow my natural hair long now.

[nqtrans]

Hi. I started cross-dressing about 15 years ago, but only recently started spending more time made up as a woman than trying to confirm to society’s expectations of what it is to be a man. I starting tucking recently, using sports tape. I loved how it felt and looked, but the way I was doing it was clearly wrong and has led to bruising and blisters (almost gone now) – I was stretching the tape. I purchased some underwear that gives a camel-toe look but it doesn’t leave me looking flat down there like tape did. I’ve watched some videos on tucking (one posted by someone on here) with regular clothing items, but have never been able to match the result. I’m not sure whether it’s because of my size down there, internal body parts (testes won’t stay inside), or because of poor technique. If anyone has overcome similar issues, I would love to hear some advice.

[nqtrans]

Hi. Thanks mostly to sessions with a psychologist, I’ve recently accepted my true self – my mind/soul is female. There have been so many signs that I had never connected together.

From about 13 years of age, I have never liked my male body, had no interest in looking after my body or looking good. Puberty onset was late for me, I shaved in attempt to get some body hair and look like other boys. I soon realised that I didn’t like my new, hairy body and started shaving my way towards having little/no visible body hair.

I admired womens body in the expected male way, but have never asked a woman out. When I finally lost my virginity with a woman (at ~35yo) in a brothel, the experience wasn’t enjoyable at all – in a way I regretted it, but I kept trying. I have always loved foreplay more than the actual sexual act (in male role) as a whole. In time, I realised that the only sexual act I really enjoying was giving oral. Mostly, I found myself easily being friends with women but never going onto more, even after women have made sexual advances on me.

On several occasions, I’ve had people (mostly women) comment on my lack of “masculinity”, but they came too far apart for me to make connections. Sometimes the comments would be about my body – most commonly, women telling me that they wish they had legs like mine.

I have been a nudist much of my life and discovered that I spent more time admiring men than women. I starting thinking I was bisexual or gay (bottom), but I have been told by 2 men that I didn’t fit that definition, because I rejected any attempts by others to have fun with my manhood.

I have spent most of my life in a state of depression, without understanding the true reason for the depression. My response to depression was an excess of what some might call self-abusive behaviour.

It’s now become clear that I have been rejecting my male body since puberty. Even before puberty, there were hints at my being feminine. Since accepting my true self, so many things in my life make sense. My love of (pleasure I get from) cross-dressing has increased and I even started looking at myself in the mirror and spending lots of time making myself pretty. The thing that really reinforced the psychologist lead discover, was that I no longer spent hours playing with myself each day. The inner happiness that has followed my true-self acceptance has meant that I rarely get the urge to do such things.

I don’t know how to classify myself – the idea of surgery scares me, so I’m unlikely to ever transition. In the end, I don’t think it really matters – I don’t want my new found love of myself to be put at risk by trying to conform to a different set of “expectations” – repeating my years of trying to be a “man”.

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