DeeAnn

[DeeAnn]

Makeup definitely, but I have no opinion about hair. Back then (2014-15) I was wearing wigs, so hair styling didn’t really come up. These days I rarely wear wigs; hats almost full time now.

Phoebe’s garage is converted to her studio. It is a 2 car garage with a full 2nd floor. Downstairs is a living area, kitchen, bathroom and a BIG walk-in closet. Upstairs is a bedroom with mirrors, more clothing storage, shoe storage and a swivel chair and artist’s work area like you would find in a salon.

I stayed overnight in the apartment on my 2nd visit. In the evening Phoebe helped me decide on an outfit for my official coming out. Later on in the evening and the following morning I spent time in the closets checking out things and trying on various pieces. For my official coming out, I volunteered to be the Mistress of Ceremonies of a company sponsored LGBT entertainment event. In the month of October in 2015, I came out a bit over 200 people, including my 2 grown kids, 7-8 close friends and my then department manager…

[DeeAnn]

Actually, for pantyhose, check:

https://www.stockingshq.com/

They are from the UK and usually include height and hip measurements. There doesn’t seem to be any standardization with pantyhose sizes with various sizing schemes in play…

[DeeAnn]

The chart below shoes the length versus size information, but I don’t know if South African follows the European scheme or not. The chart came from an online show retailer called Zappos. Amazon purchased them some years back.

Can’t help with the pantyhose sizing…

I don’t know if it is a temporary condition as to why the chart doesn’t display. The chart is at:

https://www.zappos.com/c/measure-your-shoe-size

[DeeAnn]

Sounds like you are going through MANY of the same conflicts that other trans folks have gone through. Perhaps some professional help is needed to sort through what’’s on your mind. When faced with a number of issues at once, it can seem like they are of equal importance, but they may not be. Understanding and prioritizing these issues is where a good therapist who is knowledgeable about gender issues comes in. But, know that figuring out where things sit for you and how this may, or may not, have direct bearing on the rest of your life and relationships is something that needs to be understood. If not, one can be stuck at an impasse.

One general thing to point out is that gender fluidity is not a conscious thing from my understanding. It is an unconscious process. Something happens to cause someone to go forward from a feminine perspective at some point in time. At another point in time, something else happens and they go from a female perspective to a male perspective. Currently I don’t know if anyone can say with any certainty what brings this on. In my layman’s mind, it may not be dissimilar to multiple personalities. Mental health professionals don’t exactly know what causes those shifts either. They just happen. Presumably there is a reason, but it hasn’t been clearly discovered. Note that I’m not saying that these situations are equivalent, just that they happen unpredictably and without conscious thought.

[DeeAnn]

In the Atlanta, GA area, I recommend Phoebe Cross. She lives ~25 miles southeast of the city. When I was living in the Finger Lakes area of New York State, there wasn’t anyone close, but I was traveling to Atlanta a lot for work and stated to look there. She is retired from a life of doing makeup work for movie and theater companies. She also takes photos of the completed look and has an extensive wardrobe if you don’t bring your own clothes. Very generous with her knowledge and just a nice person. I’ve been 2x.

http://www.phoebecross.com/

[DeeAnn]

Hi:

My first reaction is to say checkout the Pleaser brand, but I don’t remember if they offered wedges…

[DeeAnn]

Use a magnifying mirror. There are various ones, like this, that have a light ring and have one side that magnifies and the other than doesn’t…

Something like this:

[DeeAnn]

It might be a bit premature to be thinking about doing the WildThang. I think both of you would have to come to the same conclusion about where the relationship is likely to go. That said, Heat of the Moment can be a powerful force.

I have no idea as to what your friend is thinking, but it would clearly be a better thing if she is not connecting romantic activities with “returning the favor”. I hope that was not her thinking, but you never know. However well-intentioned, that wouldn’t be good and may lead to some undesirable places. Further, it can be a good thing to allow her to pay you back (in $$) for the groceries as it would prevent her feeling beholden to you and help keep things in a more balanced condition.

[DeeAnn]

Mystic:

To me, the most significant thing is that you and your friend are TALKING! This is very important because it helps both to understand how things sit for the other. Assumptions can lead to all sorts of funky places. I think your restraint after the early morning phone call was admirable; not easy, but admirable.

There are many difficult things about transitioning, but one certainly is the financial part. If you don’t have medical coverage, or a plan that covers trans-related medications, it can be a very expensive proposition. That’s the reality of it and it is not unusual for someone’s transition plans to be derailed by lack of finances.

[DeeAnn]

Mystic, Good Day:

Just thinking about the “Protected” comment and a couple of things come to mind, The obvious one is physical protection as in Knight In Shining Armor, but that may be too easy. Perhaps the thought was that she feels safe in your presence because she knows that you have her best interests at heart and that you won’t say or do anything off the wall. The result can be that she feels comfortable being herself with you. I think the fact that you knew each other very well beforehand brings major style points. If there will be a romantic relationship in the future, it will be based on a good and honest friendship.

My earlier comment about crossing a line has to do with this: it is very difficult to “unwind” relationships. Unless we work really hard, in every day that we live, we bring our baggage with us. It’s just how we tend to be as Hu-Mans (to use a sci-fi term!). So, if we progress to a romantic relationship and ultimately it doesn’t work out, we can be left with longing and disappointment. If we try to fall back to a friendship, it may be tainted with those feelings and might not ever get back to the friendship stage.

Anyway, I believe the fact that you are thinking of what may or may not happen in the future is a good thing. Ultimately, part of this will be conscious thought and part will be emotion. As long as you know which is which, I think you’ll be OK…

[DeeAnn]

Mystic:

There’s a fine line here and probably something that needs to be discussed between the 2 of you. I think once you cross the line from good friend to romantic partner it can be extremely hard to go back to being friends. Think carefully and move slowly…

[DeeAnn]

torry:

Coming out is a very personal thing. The thing is to choose a way that you are comfortable with and talk to the people who have significance for you. What’s important is for you to tell your story in your own way. This is what is meant by the phrase: Controlling The Narrative. You want your story to be presented in the way the You want, not what others want.

[DeeAnn]

Two things to pass along…

1) I use a the triangular sponges to apply concealer and foundation. However, the sponges come in handy to correct errors. Since it already have leftover foundation on it, it works very well to cover a stray bit of lipstick or mascara. Just rub lightly and the coverage is complete in a few strokes.

2) When applying lipstick, we all probably do an Apply-Blot-Apply-Blot cycle. When you are not doing an application, retract the lipstick into its housing. If you have ever knocked over open lipstick, the benefit of doing this will be readily apparent. It also saves having to pick dust, lint and other bits of whatever out of the lipstick.

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