Hey! I’m New Here!

[angela_g]

A new member of our TGForum family asked if there was a Forum topic for new people just exploring their gender and joining TGF. Here it is.

[not-marcie]

Hi everyone.

I’m a man in his 50s, I’m straight, married, I fancy women, I love my wife. But all my life there’s a bit of me that really wishes I’d been born female. I’ve wondered at various points if maybe wearing panties (my own) and dressing up when my wife’s away was just a fetish. I do find it very sexy so maybe it is but there’s more to it than that; I can recall having feelings and fantasies about being a girl from well before puberty. It’s not all-consuming and if it’s Gender Dysphoria, it’s probably a mild case. I’ve been successful in looking and feeling like a man’s man for a lot of years now. When I got together with my wife, I threw away all my bras, knickers, etc. Thinking it was a side of me I could and had to put a stop to. But the ideas and fantasies persisted and after a while I could not resist buying lingerie for myself again. It’s was not something that was just going to go away. I’ve kept this secret from my wife for many years.

I suspect this is not an unusual story and that’s why I’m here, to ask advice. How many men in this situation have fessed up to their wives or girlfriends? What was the reaction?

I hate effectively lying to my wife. I can’t deny the feminine part of me and I’m feeling an increasing need to come clean. To be clear, I don’t want to transition (I’m an okayish-looking bloke but I think I’d make a terrible looking woman). I have no idea what might happen after a confession. My wife might be horrified and one way of dealing with the incomprehension might be to want me to put a stop to it all – which would lead to either my resentment and/or more secrecy. This is obviously the thing I’m most afraid of. Or she could be supportive… I don’t know what would follow that scenario but it would clearly the better one. Or there could be something in-between.

One more thing. I fessed up to being an alcoholic about five years ago (I have no idea how she didn’t realise before then.) I’ve been successful in keeping off the booze since then but I remember my wife’s tears and sobs when I let that one out of the bag. She’s been supportive and kind but also she’s been hurt by it all. Which is another reason for my reticence.

So there it is. Any advice or shared experiences gratefully anticipated…

[Stacey7]

Hi im lexi and new

[JennyMcdonald]

Yes a very similiar tale indeed. I see many paralells. I just can’t come clean for lots of reasons. I wish I could offer advice. Hopefully knowing your not alone will help.

[luciatgirl]

Hola .. am Lucia and am new here 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi Marcie,

Your crossdressing story is not unique and sounds pretty much like all the rest of the crossdressers I have known over the years. At some point when we are discovering all there is to know about our phenomena going beyond dressing is question we all have to answer. It seems you have reach a place where you are comfortable with just crossdressing which is good.

Your big problem is you say your wife does not know about your dressing which might be true. Then again it might not be accurate just because she has not confronted you. Women often talk problems over with trusted friends to get another viewpoint. She could be aware but based on what she has learned on her own or others she has decided she can live with it. As long as you hide it she does not have to see it and officially take a position on it. Out of sight out of mind if you will. One of my friends did not tell his wife until she caught him in the act in his mid 70’s. I asked the wife if she really had no idea that her husband was a crossdresser. She smiled and told me that she had suspected it but did not feel it necessary to take a position on the matter.

Most of the time it does not happen that way when the CD gets caught by the wife and the outcome depends on the wife. The longer the marriage the greater the anger because she has been deceived for so long. None of the CD’s that I know got divorced because while the wife is not happy about it she also does not want to break up the home. A better option for her is to fix the problem by getting you to stop dressing. That typically does not work because crossdressing does not go away and eventually comes back. This is where it gets serious and she will have to figure out how she wants to deal with the situation. Should she stay or should she go? Its her choice!

My advice to you is to tell her but do your homework before you do. Be prepared to give her some information on crossdressing so she can learn about it. Its important that she know what a crossdresser is as well as what it is not. The #1 question women ask me on my website is do I think he is GAY? My answer is always the same which is I don’t know, I never met him and don’t even know his name!

Good Luck,

Micki Finn

[mizzhoopz]

Hello,

I’m Celena, I’m new here from the USA. Have been on HRT for the last 10 years.

[Carla Blanche Dubois]

Hi all,
I’m a retired 66 year old in decent shape and remember as far back as 4 years old, being caught in my mother’s panty drawer. The “itch” (for lack of a better word), has always been inside me. Occasionally trying on my older sister’s panties as a teen and luxuriating in her wedding boned, white lace, corset, bustier she had gathering dust in a spare closet. I abolsutley LOVE relaxing in my home in sexy, satin adnlace lingerie it feels os natural. Not very passable. The past 30 years have been a nightmare of purging/buying/purging/buying. The fear of being caught, looked down upon, “What would my family and friends say”, self-revusion. The mad scramble to return things and donate things while feeling so much shame at having “broken down” and giving in to my overwhelming shame. The feeling of utter relief when all “evidence” is gone. Weeks to months later, it starts again.

Well, I am done wiith this. I came out to a young Italian goth girl friend in florence. Michela is nonbinary and like a daughter to me. She really helped me to start turning a corner. She geve me many things to think about. I feel now that I was born with feminie attributes, which explains my “unitchable itch” I will be looking for a trans therapist in the Baltimore area to talk about this. I really want to accept who I really am on the inside….Carla Blanche Dubois. xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Carla,

Congratulations on your decision to stop purging and accept yourself.

Micki

[Carla Blanche Dubois]

THAT means so much! Thank you Micki!

[Anonymous]

Hello to all, I’m Paolo, I’m a male who loves transsexual girls. I write from Italy and happened here by chance. I see the forum is not very popular, and I would like to increase it, despite my bad English 🙂

[Anonymous]

Love to have a conversation with someone, somewhere near my age about my being here and why taking your 1st steps as a straight male trying to just make a connection is hard. Unlike most guys I think about marriage to the right trans bride.

[Bertiebert]

Steel I think it’s pretty normal to do that !

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I’ve found at least so far things to be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Hey Lexi, if you want to chat sometime that would be cool.

[Author]

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