Thoughts on National Coming Out Day

I am writing this on October 11, which is both National Coming Out Day (NCOD), and Columbus Day/Inquisition Day/Indigenous People’s Day. To me today is a very troubling day on both counts, but I’m going to focus on NCOD.

I looked up the history of NCOD because I didn’t know it. It was started in the late ‘80s by a gay man and a lesbian to celebrate the gay march on Washington. As most of us who are trans know, it’s a lot easier to be a cis gay person than it is to be trans. They don’t face the same levels of oppression that we do, and of course they don’t have to deal with any of the hurdles of transitioning that we do.

Every year when NCOD happens, all the Queer orgs run huge social media campaigns celebrating the day. The implication is that every queer should celebrate the day, and those who aren’t out need to come out immediately, and everyone should open their bank accounts wide.

That might work in the cis white queer community but it definitely does not work in the trans community. We have the saying Persistence is Resistance. Just surviving another day is a huge victory in the face of the huge battles we face. Especially those among us who are BIPOC women.

All one needs to do is look at the TDOR list for this year, which is shocking! Since last TDOR, there are now 68 trans deaths REPORTED in the USA. The majority of these are BIPOC women who died violent deaths.

In Judaism and Islam, we have the saying that to destroy one life is to destroy the world, and to save one life is to save the world. Friends, hate has resulted in the world being destroyed 68 times this year, and we still have five weeks until TDOR.

I find it very ironic that NCOD is observed on the same day as Inquisition Day (while Columbus was busy getting lost, his bosses King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella were declaring the Inquisition on Jews in Spain and Portugal) and Indigenous Peoples Day (White European Explorers had a habit of exploiting, raping and murdering any Indigenous People they encountered) – a history that goes all the way back to chapter 20 of Genesis, where King Avimelekh, The Philistine King, was a Macedonian Greek, by the way!

As all who read this piece will note, I’m having a difficult time reconciling the calendar today, but then as a rabbi/scholar I tend to delve deeply these days.

In any case, for many queer people, it is just simply NOT SAFE to come out, for a whole host of reasons. This party like atmosphere that I see online today is down right dangerous. It amounts to peer pressure, and it is unfortunate to say the least. The big Queer orgs are seemingly judging those who have not come out for staying in.

I say to you, you know your situations better than any orgs do. If it is unsafe, stay the course. Do what is best to preserve your safety and sanity, and PLEASE stay alive. That is the best revenge against all the oppressors, and against all the well-meaning but naïve cis-queer organizations out there.

This is a link to the PFLAG national hotline page. If you are struggling, please click on this link, and follow it to any of the available crisis lines out there. Particularly valuable is Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741. If you’re in a space where it isn’t safe to talk, you can still text with a helper!

I pray that all of us see a day when this discussion becomes irrelevant and just a history lesson, but until that time, please stay safe and look out for one another.

Peace out,

Rona

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Tags: closeted, featured, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul