Thomas Jefferson’s Wig

| Jul 4, 2011
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The Artist D: Saucy Red Wig

In honor of the Fourth of July in the United States we’re going to discuss something brought to us by the men who got this thing started. If there’s one thing our founding fathers had besides common sense, it was their fabulous wigs! This piece was actually going to be called George Washington’s Wig until I learned that George never wore wigs. He actually sported his natural fluff, long and tied back. The useless things you learn when trying to come up with witty titles!

Hair is the focus of many of our lives. We shave it off, tweeze it, color it, comb it, landscape it or trim it into the shape of Florida. Some people spend more time grooming than they do living. I once knew a man who shaved his entire body each night. I don’t know how they get anything else accomplished!

It appears for the transgendered among us hair is even more of a focus than for others. If not a thing of pride then a thing of ultimate worry. The slightest hair out of place and it could all be over (or so we think). Unfortunately for most of the trangendered male to female population we’re often found cutting it all off and covering it up. That, my gentle readers, is where the life long struggle with what you decide to put on your head begins.

How many times do I have to tell you? Just because it looks good on the mannequin does not mean it looks good on you! Such is the case with clothes or any other piece of merchandise you idolize that is being worn by someone else. Learn to look past the body wearing the merchandise! That is rule number one in The Artist D’s fashion bible. So, while you browse eBay for your next beehive ask yourself if it’s the hair you like or that really cool head it’s on. The one you may wish was yours.

The Artist D: Christmas Ho (Ho Ho) Wig

Style is everything and much of the usual rules apply here. Long hair is often standard as the shorter the style — the harder the look. Every time I throw on my short red Sharon Osbourne wig I look like I’m a newscaster. Darker closes you in while lighter brightens you up. These things are a very personal decision and quite obvious so we don’t need to focus here. Try plenty of styles and colors out cheaply in order to find what makes you who you are.

I’ve found the most needed advice when it comes to wigs is this simple statement: Hair moves. The last thing most of us think about when shopping for a new piece is what it’s going to do when out on the town. Some of the most tragic mistakes are made here. A lot of popular styles include half of your face being covered by the wig. While this is lovely when standing still it’s hell in action. Not only does it tend to cover half of your face, but sometimes it covers all of your face! It flaps around and it’s windy out there! If I can’t push it over my ear, I’m screwed. The hair gets in my face. The hair gets in my lipstick. The lipstick gets on my cheek. Disaster!

The Artist D: Cleopatra Wig

How functional is your new wig? It’s the secret question that nobody addresses. I don’t like to feel as if I’m wearing an eye patch. I like to use both eyes. Not to mention you are hiding your face! You spent all that money on the new dress from the bargain basement and eight inch stilettos from eBay only to go out with the equivalent of a bag over your head.  Bravo! Frame that face, don’t cover it up.

If you are terrified you have a manly face then you need bangs. If they couldn’t play a drive-in movie on your forehead then, believe it or not, you could live without bangs. I used to think the more forehead revealed how male someone may really be. Then I met more women. Lots of tall, six to seven foot tall women with enormous foreheads and I saw that no matter what gender, we’re all imperfectly perfect.

It’s all about the money when it’s all about the hair. There are some very good things to be said about some of those online deals. But for the most part you won’t get a good quality wig without spending a little more cash than you’re comfortable with. Things to look for when ready to purchase “the one” are:

  • Texture – Does it feel real or like the mane on a My Little Pony? Hair should be soft. Hair should not be plastic or matted.
  • Movement – Remember when I told you that hair moves? It does! So, make sure your hair actually does move. If it’s stiff as a board and you didn’t style it that way, you might want to keep looking.
  • Breathability – You’re out shopping all day at the mall. You are getting your dance freak on for six hours at night at the club. You’re trying to enjoy tea with the girls by the pool. All of these things require your scalp to function like a scalp should. The heat escapes from your noggin, so if your wig is like a tight plastic cap you’re not going to enjoy living life. This could be the biggest deal when price is concerned. It’s got to be so comfortable you hardly realize it’s not your own hair.

The Artist D: Blonde Ambition Wig

Once you find the color and style you’re looking for you should definitely go to a real wig boutique and see what they can do for you. Get measured, get fitted and have something made that is just for you. If you’re not a chameleon like me (changing your style more times than Madonna) then you can really settle down into having a few high quality wigs. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a chameleon and having fun with your look. Variety is the spice of life, but caring for my 24 wigs is almost as bad as taking care of small animals. Who needs cats when you’re The Artist D?

Lastly, whatever you do, for the sake of us all, do not go to your local Halloween discount center to find the hair piece of your dreams. Nothing spells “Wig Fail” faster than a trip to Spencer’s. Talk about looking like a founding father.

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Category: Style, Transgender Opinion

The Artist D

About the Author ()

The Artist D is a true raconteur and provocateur! He has been performing online since the mid 1990s. A relic from the cam show age before MySpace was any space. Author of In Bed with Myself, an autobiographical tale of transgenderism and Internet celebrity. Executive Editor of Fourculture Magazine and host of the Kawfeehaus podcast.

Comments (2)

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  1. says:

    Love it! I love everything about transgender issues. I want a transgender girl I can love.

  2. says:

    LOVE THIS!!! <3