The Occasional Woman: Skirts!

Dear Readers, for many of us, it is hawt as the fires of Hell out there! There we are, wandering around in our underwear in the house, because it is just too awful to put on real people clothes; but at some point, most of us have to leave the house — and who wants to get arrested for driving in undies? That’s right, maybe one out of every 40 million folks want to do this! I had a swell idea. What is stylish, comfortable and breathable, easy to wear and pretty?

Midi skirt

Skirts! But what kind of skirt, you may ask? A mini? Midi? Maxi?? Let’s talk about — The Skirt.

Skirts, over the centuries, have been worn by men, women, children, soldiers, and poodles. In the last few centuries, many women’s outfits were not one-piece dresses; there was often a blouse or some kind of top, a petticoat or underskirt, and a long, frequently decorated skirt. This way, much like men’s clothing, the bottom half could be worn many times without getting sweaty and stinky, while the top half, which fit closer and got fuuunky quicker, could be washed regularly and exchanged for other tops.

So, the practicality of the skirt still makes it a great clothing choice, particularly in the dog days of summer. Let’s discuss the various permutations of the Noble Skirt!

What determines types of skirts hinges on a few qualities: Length, tightness, material and fastenings.

Micro mini

The very short skirt can be called a mini, or even a micro-mini; this can also be referred to as a “ho skirt.” Its purpose is to show off your gams, hug your curves, let the air circulate nicely through your Lower hals, and if sequined, advertise your. . .business.

A slightly longer skirt, halfway betwixt knee and …uh…heaven, is more suitable for light-hearted events, like a classy brunch, shopping, school, and things where you want to show off the legs but not charge for the view-or contents. A knee-length skirt is for funerals, job interviews, lawsuits, bail hearings and impersonating Margaret Thatcher. Unless it has a wicked slit up one side-then it’s Party Time!

A midi-skirt hits right at the calf, midway between the knee and the ankle, and is more of a winter look. It goes well with boots, and is a godsend for skinny legs, drafty rooms, winter, and bowlegs. It can look really classy, with the aforementioned tall or cow-person boots and a tight sweater.

Maxi skirt

Dirndl skirt

A Maxi-skirt goes aaallll the way to the top of the foot! Again, a great choice for winter and fall, and a seriously slimming look. A long, dark-hued skirt worn with a lighter-colored top immediately gives one the look of height and class. I’d recommend wearing it around the house for practice, because if you aren’t used to them, your legs can get a little bamboozled in that much fabric.

Another consideration is the style and tightness of skirts. A perennial favorite (at least for me!) is the denim or Levi skirt; I like ’em just a little too short, in a dark denim tone, worn with a floofier top or a hussy T-shirt. Hey, it worked in 8th Grade, I’m stickin’ with it!

A “dirndl” skirt is very full, like 2-3 yards of cotton fabric gathered onto a band or elastic at the waist; you can pretty much disregard this one, unless you have a Heidi fantasy.

Plaid “school girk” skirt

Another world-favorite is the pleated skirt, which has gotten a well-deserved reputation for titillation! Don’t even try to pretend you are unaware of the Catholic Schoolgirl Fantasy, with its little white shirt and short plaid, pleated skirt! Don’t make me whack your knuckles with my ruler.

Another weird variation is a full skirt, midi-length with a tight waist, and appliquéd poodles on it. Ah, the Poodle Skirt — it’s a costume and a fetish!

I shall mention, but not endorse, the Bubble Skirt. It has a tight waistband, and is shaped like…a big bubble. there is no good reason to wear one of these.

A “Skort” is a serviceable skirt with built-in shorts. Very popular in Connecticut.

That’s all I can think of at the moment! It’s high summer — if you want a fun and airy piece of fun clothing, do consider Skirting Up!

Like to make a comment or share a fashion tip? Login here and use the comment area below.

Tags: crossdressing, fashion, featured, style, Transgender

Category: Transgender Fashion