The Butterfly Chronicles: Ch, ch, ch Changes

Why can’t men get mad cow disease?

I was sitting in a cafeteria having dinner when I overheard two men talking at the next table. I really wasn’t interested in hearing them talk, but they were speaking loud enough that I couldn’t help it. Their conversation was centered on the subject of how women know what they are doing when they dress “That way,” meaning provocatively. These men kept going on about how if a woman doesn’t want a man to bother her she should dress more suitably. (I am cleaning up the conversation considerably.)

As I got up to leave the cafeteria I stopped at their table and said to them, “Hey why it is that men can’t get mad cow disease?” They looked at me as if expecting something, “Because men are pigs.” I then turned and walked out.

Now I don’t want to turn this article into a man bashing extravaganza. Although I could do that easily enough. What I really want to focus on is what I have learned about being a woman. As a man it is one thing to know that women get grouchy once a month, it is an entirely different thing to go through it. So here it is:

Ten things I’ve learned about being a girl:

1. Painting your nails makes you want to pee.
2. Just how hard it is to pee with wet nails.
3. Just because I want to look cute does not mean I want to sleep with anyone.
4. Who needs sex when you can just have chocolate?
5. Boobs are either too big, too small, or in the wrong place.
6. With the right pair of shoes you can do anything.
7. It’s okay to be phony as long as you are real about it.
8. Age is all in your head, but it’s your makeup that people see.
9. Some days you just wake up evil. So everybody just deal with it!
10. When God made woman, he saved the best for last.

I have noticed this about myself: When my girlfriend and I started getting serious and we began talking about marriage my emotions began to go off the deep end. I went through a phase were I really felt like I wanted to have another baby. As I already have mentioned before, I am a woman of a certain age. I have 4 older boys already and she has a younger daughter. What in the world do I need with another kid? However there it was, this strong maternal drive telling me I needed another baby. Oy’ vey! What we finally ended up deciding is that we would not worry about it. If it happens it is gift from God, if it doesn’t then our love is still complete and enough without us having a child together.

Sex is different now as well. I once heard it said that women need a reason, men just need a place. Having experienced sexual thoughts from both sides of the coin, I can testify that is a true saying. A woman can look extremely sexy to me, and I can appreciate her beauty. However, if she has not made that connection with my mind and heart the evening is going to end up with one of us being very disappointed.

It’s not just a mental thing that makes women different. Women take up less physical space than men do. A man will sit in a chair and splay his body as if he is trying to own the chair and the space around him. I woman will sit in chair and make herself small. She will cross her legs and mostly sit up straight. Even at the bus stop a woman will stand with her legs together. A man will stand with his legs spread shoulder length apart and ready for whatever happens next.

When you are speaking to a woman she will look at you and acknowledge what you are saying by her facial expression. Men are more likely to be distracted by a girl in shorts that just came on the TV. A woman will speak more softly and exaggerate her easy onsets, like the way she pronounces the H sound. “H..ello, h..ow are you?”

The first thing I learned about how others see me as being a women is that I must be less understanding about the physical world I live in than a man. First let me explain something for context. Before I transitioned I spent 25 years as a carpenter doing every type of home repair that you could think of. A friend of mine who is a gay conservative, (I know oxymoron right?) spent 5 minutes mansplaining in great detail on how to turn on a natural gas valve to the dryer. I know I’m blond but, I think I got this.

I was talking to an old boss of mine who had retired from the grocery store business. She asked me an interesting question. She asked me how the men at work treat me now as opposed to how it used to be. I told her it was better in some ways and worse in others. I’ve noticed that the men are more helpful in the heavy lifting department, but also they are less likely to listen to my opinions and always assume that they have more authority than I do. No matter which one of us has more seniority.

When I was pretending to be a man it seemed as if not a day went by without someone making a joke about me being short. I’m 5 foot 4 inches tall. Since my transition no one even notices that I’m short. As a man I had a huge stomach. No one ever mentioned that I needed to lose weight. Now that I’m a girl I’ve lost 20 pounds and people feel free to come up to me and tell me I’m fat. I told my therapist this and she said, “That’s great. That means people are seeing you now more as a woman. You are being judged by the societal norms that are placed on females and you are being seen less like a man.” Okay that’s great, I think?

As I look in the full length mirror at myself I see shoulders that are too broad for my body, arms that are big and muscular, and a chin that takes up half my face. Now I do see cisgender women with these features, but I still judge myself by that airbrushed beauty holding the perfume bottle in the magazine ad. I know that is not real, but here I am wishing I looked like her.

It also seems that the way I dress is open for debate. To them I should dress more appropriate for my age. First let me say that I have waited 47 years to dress this way and if you have a problem with the length of my dress because it’s too enticing, then the problem is not mine it’s yours. I’m tired of the boys club blaming the victim. If you’re a man take control of your own manhood. As long as I have nice legs I’m going to wear short dresses. After all a girl has to make the most out of what she has. (Rant over)

Then there is this fascination that men have with their penis. I never did get that one. As I kid the other boys would talk about their male member as if was something to be proud of. Some of the boys I knew even gave it a name. I just adopted Robin Williams’, “Mr. Happy.” Although I’m not really sure why I chose that name because it never really made me happy. In fact I’ve always looked at my penis like it was a different person. As if it wasn’t part of my body, just something that hung around all the time. Boys also have a tendency to act as if the world has given them some special place in the universe because of this particular aspect of their body. Then as the boys turn into men this thought pattern only gets worse. I stopped talking to men on chat sites because the first thing they do is send me a picture of their penis. Ewe, I don’t want to see that.

Now I don’t want to pick on men only. Women are just as bad as men. Every transgender girl is a feminist at heart. Why would I want to transition to be treated like a second class person? Some women think that because I am striving to present the best image of a woman that I can that somehow I am degrading one hundred years of women’s suffrage. If the criteria is the fact that I was not born with a vagina, then is it not the TERF feminist who is setting back women’s rights? After all woman’s suffrage was all about not being defined by this particular body part. Hey girls I’m on your side.

If you have ever noticed men never carry anything in their hands. When they get a new phone the first accessory they get is a belt clip. [Editor’s Note: Younger men will carry their phone in their hands. They’re using it enough that they never put it down.] A women will either carry her phone in her hand or keep it in their back pocket. Even a simple clipboard or folder of paperwork is carried differently. A woman will hold it to her breast and walk with it. A man will carry it with one hand and lose by his side.

In the movie What Women Want, I think they completely missed it. What women want is simply to be adored by someone special. To be treated with respect for their thoughts and who they are as a person. Security in life both from their partner and financially, and a home that they can feel safe in.

These are just a few rambling thoughts from the scattered brain of Chrissy Gann. I’m sure there are a lot more points that I’m missing. However my hope is that this is enough to start you thinking about what it means to transition. My journey will be different from yours. You will see things that I missed. It is a life filled with heartaches and joys, but isn’t that the definition of life anyway? So until next time remember,

I am strong, I am beautiful and Trans proud.

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Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Opinion