Thankful

By the time you read this, I will be dead tired.

Dear reader, its Holiday season in Retail, and that’s where I work. Every year, it gets harder and harder. Every year, my faith in humanity dies just a little more. My Soul becomes that much more bitter.

I hate the holiday season.

But none of that is news to my long time readers, or to readers of my blog. However, in an effort to be at least a little positive in this column, I’ve decided to do something I’ve never done. I’ve decided to discuss something I am thankful for from Thanksgiving.

That’s right — in past years, I’ve absolutely avoided that cliché; the cliché of “I’m thankful for XYZ and PDQ.” I usually write about anything but that. But this year, I’m going to be different.

What’s my point? Bear with me, dear reader.

Right. A few days ago was Thanksgiving day here in the U.S. For my foreign readers, Thanksgiving is the day in my country on which we are supposed to gather with family and/or friends and give thanks for what and who we have. Then, by tradition, we go out to the stores and beat the hell out of each other for material objects we can easily live without.

I am on record as saying that Thanksgiving is the holiday I hate the most. The reason for that had to do with my problems growing up, my family issues, and so many other things. Well, a few things changed this year. In late summer, I visited my parents in southern Delaware, and we had a major series of “discussions” at high volume. Every issue was brought out and aired. Old grievances and Pains. Threats. Posturing. And in the end, exhausted and emotionally spent, we all understood each other. And for the first time in my life, I truly felt that my family loved me. I am still coping with this unfamiliar feeling. I must say, I really like it.

That’s where we come to the Thanks thing. On Thanksgiving, I drove the three hours south to visit my parents for the day. I dreaded the drive, as always, but not the visit. That was a first. Sharing the ride was my roomie and bestie, Linda Lewis. Not attending were my Wife and daughter, as they would, as always, be staying at home with her mother, where I was absolutely not invited, my being “an abomination in the eyes of God” and all that (according to her mother.)

Linda has not been as fortunate as I am. Her family disowned her when she came out as Trans. She hasn’t spoken to her parents or younger sister since, but her older sister has accepted her. Upon learning this, my conservative parents, the ones I thought sure would disown me, the ones I was absolutely positive would never speak to me again . . . accepted Linda as one of their own children. It will never fill the hole in her heart left by her parents, but I hope that it helps even a little.

Linda is far stronger than I am. She takes her losses in stride. For her, loss is a way of life, and she handles it with a quiet dignity and grace that I can only aspire to match. The fact that my parents can help her, even just a little, brings me immense joy.

So. I am SO thankful for my Parents. They have accepted the unacceptable — the fact that their youngest child that they knew all those years as a son is actually their daughter. It wasn’t easy for them. Far from. But they did it. But they didn’t stop there. They extended that Love and concern to someone dear to me, someone they didn’t even know existed a couple of years ago. That’s Unconditional Love, and I know how incredibly Lucky I am. And for that, I am thankful.

Here’s another example. I grew up poor. I still am poor. I work retail after all (see: “dead tired” above). I chose to serve Humanity as a teacher, a fact for which right wingers mock me and tell me my degrees are “useless.”

Well, a very dear friend of mine is Rich. Very rich. She is an entrepreneur and a very talented one. She starts businesses, grows them, and eventually sells them at a huge profit. She then starts another. This friend is someone I met my first night out as Sophie, and she has been a friend and mentor ever since. Recently, a Major life event made her realize that she needed to stop living a Lie, and to transition. She recently had some work done, and looks great. She had to sell one of her Ferraris to afford it, but that was a small loss.

Her marriage ended because of these changes, as so many do. As Thanksgiving approached, she contacted each of her children, and each in turn told her, in so many words, that she was not welcome in their homes. She spent Thanksgiving alone, eating dinner at a nice restaurant. If I had enough of a warning, I would’ve asked my parents if there was room at our table, but I didn’t know until too late. And would she have even accepted the invitation?

I spoke to her a couple of weekends ago at a gathering. She said something very telling — that with all her wealth, that by playing the role of “rich guy” with all that meant, she felt empty and hollow. That it was all a lie, and only her Truth mattered. I wanted to hug her and cry. She is as Rich in her soul as she is in her bank account, and I wonder if she understands that. I think she does.

And she’s right — rich or poor, only one thing truly matters: Being True to oneself.
We as transpeople understand ourselves in a way so many cisgender people don’t. We KNOW who and what we are. Does this make us better than them? No. But it makes us Wise.

I give thanks for this.

I hope your Holidays are Rich in Love. If you know someone who is suffering alone — please consider reaching out to them. Being Trans HURTS — we all know this. It hurts worse when we’re alone.

Reach out. Help.

Be the Person for whom we can ALL be thankful.

Tags: featured, holidays, Identity, Thanksgiving, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul