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TG’s Spouses Have Support Available

The Editor | Nov 18, 2013

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There is a organization in central Pennsylvania called T.R.U.S.T. (Truth, Respect, Understanding and Support for Life’s Transitions) Their mission is to help spouses and significant others begin to understand that living with a crossdresser or transitioning spouse is complex and requires the components of the group’s name in order to navigate your life with that person. The group is affiliated with the TransCentralPA TG support group in Harrisburg. Here are two articles from two of T.R.U.S.T.’s founders.

It isn’t All Bad

By Sara (T.R.U.S.T. Co-Founder)

As the spouse of a crossdresser or transgender person, every day becomes a challenge. Usually every day is a little different and some days it is hard. But the more you educate yourself the easier it gets. This doesn’t mean it has to be the end of your relationship. Unless you make it that way.

In the beginning I was angry, hurt, and lost. Then I started researching and found there are couples who live this way and do it well. Only you as a couple can decide if you will do that. The key to all of this is open communication. No secrets, no lies, and above all respect for each other. Love is not enough. Most crossdressers may only need to under dress, some dress every day and some are weekend divas.

Both of you need to set your boundaries and give a little each way.

I have found in some ways its like having your best friend in both male and female mode. Shopping and going out can be fun but you must both be comfortable in going out. For a thrill go to a transgender meeting. Meet the spouses, significant others and the transgendered people. I have met some wonderful people regardless of what they wear.

Meeting the transgender community and seeing who they really are is a way you both can connect with others in this same situation. You will meet some new friends and have someone who understands you. If you are struggling, meet with a transgender therapist. They are a great place to start. The more you learn the easier it gets. I admit in the beginning I was not happy about any of this. But now I know my spouse is in this marriage for the long haul no matter how he does or doesn’t dress.

You can email me at [email protected]

Take care,

Sara

A Transgender Marriage

By: Lorrie (T.R.U.S.T. Co-Founder)

From the perspective of a wife, it is unbelievably devastating finding out after 7 years of marriage and three small children that your spouse is transgendered. I know and understand this feeling, because this is what happened to me in my marriage. Initially, it feels so overwhelming that you can’t wrap your head around it. Your mind and heart are in such shock, your emotions are uncontrollable. There are questions you ask yourself. What does this mean for my marriage? Does he want to be with someone else? What about are children? Are we going to end up divorced? These are just a few of the millions of questions you may ask yourself after finding out. I needed the answers to these and many more questions, and I knew that I wasn’t going to find them by packing my bags. I needed and wanted to stay, to learn and to understand what transgender was and how this “gender identity” issue came into our lives.

Now, we have been married for 17 years. Our small children have grown into brilliant, loving, and extremely well adjusted young men. Those scary questions I asked myself all those years ago have been slowly answered. Thanks to amazing communication between my spouse and I, my tears have been exchanged for laughter. My fears have turned to hope and dreams of a bright future and my heart has been lifted and filled with love and contentment.

This journey takes time, effort, and understanding. Ours also took an extremely open promise to communicate our feelings and needs to each other. The path we have traveled together has been filled with road blocks, detours, and speed bumps, but together we have grown. We have allowed our relationship to transform into a deep closeness. My spouse is my best friend the only person I would ever want to parent with, and the person who understands me in every way. Being married to someone who is transgendered is difficult at times, but if you can open your mind and open your heart, then you may also find yourself married to your best friend. You are not alone in this journey. Be a part of our spousal support group at significantotherpa.org.