Should She Out Her Ex on Facebook?

A member of the support group I belong to recently announced that she intends to “out” her now ex-husband using her social media platforms. Apparently, very few people in their circle of friends and family know that her husband was a closet crossdresser for many years, which she didn’t like but reluctantly tolerated because it seemed something he only did in private. After she learned that he was engaging in online relationships with other crossdressers that resulted in countless sexual encounters, she ended their 21-year marriage. She discovered this and other clandestine activities that put both of them at risk.

She asserted that revenge was not the driving force behind her plan to tell the world about his secret existence, but rather to set the record straight because she learned that some people were falsely speculating that it was she who had an affair. Not only was she tired of being wrongly accused of something she didn’t do, but she grew tired of being a part of his charade–especially now that their divorce was final. Because her husband did nothing to dispel the rumors that it was she who was unfaithful and insisted she continue to keep his secrets, she had additional reasons to tell the rest of the story.

Except for the divorce, her situation was familiar territory to me. I, too, knew of my husband’s crossdressing and encouraged and participated in his erotic sexual cravings that went along with his feminine personality. That was until I learned about his addictions involving a long history of sexual relationships with other CDs and men looking for the she-male experience—before and after we married. (For the complete story, visit my blog at mylifewithacrossdresser.com)

I had mixed feelings about her plan to expose him. Indeed, I understood the anger and shock she felt. My experiences were devastating and adversely affected me in ways I never thought possible. To this day, I often find myself dealing with the trauma of his deception, although developing an agnostic attitude toward him and his obsessions have helped. However, I disagreed with how she intended to tell her side of the story.

For numerous reasons, I didn’t think using social media to expose her husband’s secrets was a good idea. Announcing to the world that your husband is a crossdresser engaging in homosexual encounters would only bring more trouble and heartache. There is the potential backlash she could experience as people continue to “take sides,” which usually occurs in any divorce, no matter how amicable. There is the potential impact on their children—even as adults, consequences to his job, family relationships, and even legal liability if anything she posted was factually untrue and caused him harm—it’s called libel.

If she felt so strongly that people needed to know the truth and that revenge was not a motivation, as she claimed, I thought a better approach was to have a private conversation where the need for confidentiality could be expressed. It would also give the person she was telling an opportunity to learn how his secret life impacted her all those years and how it led to risky behavior, which caused their separation. Those are sentiments far better expressed verbally instead of in writing in the cold and brutal world of social media.

Several of us in the group had similar opinions. I only hope she took our advice to refrain from using social media to communicate with her friends and family on such a private matter because plenty of wives and ex-wives in the group were cheering her on.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, partners

Category: crossdressing