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Sex and the T-girl

| Jun 28, 2006
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Are there any crossdressing gals out there who have a steady, or at least regular relationship with a man? Even if it’s just for booty call, does it exist? Even on the down-low?I’m just being nosy. I can’t think of at anytime, hearing about such an arrangement.

It must be the sex that trips people up. I’m serious. Sure, one might think everyone in the TG community is all about sex, but knocking boots can be quite ackward awkward.

I’m not even talking about interaction outside of the bedroom. Just the act itself, it seems to me, must be pretty ackward for crossdressers and admirers. Let me explain:

Firstly, consider that most t-girls want to be the girl: in and out of the bedroom. But especially in. I’ve known a lot of CD’s, both on and off-line, and I can’t think of too many who weren’t “bottoms”.

Now, pair up that bottom with a man who is more than like looking for a “top”. If a man wanted a feminine, passive, receiving lover, he could just get a woman, right? So, my theory is most admirers are looking for a t-girl who’s an aggressive top in bed. Add two bottoms in bed and you have two people hoping the other will take the initiative.
Now, also consider the Tgirl-on-Tgirl relationship. These exist. They may only be one-night-stands, but they happen. (Yes, I have personal experience, but that’s none of your damn business. Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you all about them though.)

Remember the “T-girl wants to be the bottom” theory, multiply it by two, and you’re back at square one: When a bottom is forced to be a top, that person isn’t likely to be satisfied.

And also consider that all the accessories of being a T-girl can only get in the way in the sack. You have all those restricting undergarments, like gaffs, corsets, and garter belts that help you look good, but really only block…um…access when you’re getting down and dirty.

Of course, if you’re like me and wear a wig, that sucker is gonna come off sometime during the act, unless you’ve stapled it to your skull.

And then there’s the entire issue of cleanliness. After all, you don’t want to get your sexy party dress stained with makeup or…fluids. One could run up a sizable dry cleaning bill.

Considering all these factors, it’s easy to see why most crossdressers find it easier to engage in their sexual proclivities with their favorite lover: themselves.

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About the Author ()

Ronnie Rho has been writing for Transgender Forum since May of 1999. One of these days, she'll get it right. She's been described as the "world's most famous recluse," but only by people who don't know her very well. She is unmarried, and lives in Cincinnati.

Comments (12)

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  1. highheeledbev says:

    For me pleasing a man is something that I just luv to do but I do it orally. Don’t know why but when I perform this act it just seems so natural to me when dressed as Bev. Been doing it for yrs. and all of the men I am with are married so I feel safer that way. It’s just something that Bev really enjoys doing and at times gets off just by doing this.

  2. Jane Marie says:

    Wow interesting topic ! I find myself analyzing this all the time. When I was younger I had some outright confusion of my sexuality to say the least. I for the longest time thought that I was just a submissive bottom as I did not like to acknowledge my male anatomy during intimacy. Though through my transition I have learned that femininity has nothing to do with being submissive. I learned that my problem was more so the I could not enjoy much of my life including sex as a man. As I became more secure in my femininity I found myself becoming more dominant as long as was treated as a woman. My suggestions are this tgirls for the most part will not acknowledge thy have a penis, Clit is a better term and one prefer to use. Also they may shy away from topping just because of this. However when I got my strap on and realized I could top comfortably without having to compromise my femininity. I am able to enjoy bottoming and topping with the proper equipment. While I am a Lifestyle domme I would not limit my self the intimacy of a caring gentleman solely on what his prefered positions are. So girls next time your man is reluctant to take control the proper equipment will remind him that your femininity has nothing to do with a submissive desire. Hope you all are well and having a lovely evening-Jane Marie

  3. Jamie Ann says:

    One of the more popular books, Alice in Genderland, by Richard J. Novic, M.D., describes a long-term relationship between Alice and Frank (six years as of 2005). As for the logistics of sex standing in the way of such relationships, I have a feeling that people are clever enough to solve any problems they encounter.

  4. John B says:

    #1 Firstly, consider that most t-girls want to be the girl: in and out of the bedroom. But especially in. I’ve known a lot of CD’s, both on and off-line, and I can’t think of too many who weren’t “bottoms”.

    (A)…most “girls”, are indeed bottoms

    Now, pair up that bottom with a man who is more than like looking for a “top”. If a man wanted a feminine, passive, receiving lover, he could just get a woman, right? So, my theory is most admirers are looking for a t-girl who’s an aggressive top in bed. Add two bottoms in bed and you have two people hoping the other will take the initiative.

    (A) …Many “T’s” want to bottom, and Love to submit to a Dominant Male, the passionate desire to be Feminine, and give it up to a Man is just to irresitable for many…and…we are out here….but…it’s VERY hard for Men to meet many, when most are considered to be trolls and so on, being on a Lot of different sites, it takes a Long time to get to know anyone online, then develope a line of trust and communication, …., unfortunately it’s been screwed up by wannabes and just dishonest people, …

  5. Anna says:

    Hi dear i am a 50 something preop trans girl who had a three relationship with a guy who sadly
    passed about a year ago. It was more than a boody call even though he was still married and
    straight. He cared deeply for me and i for him and yes my wig did fall off during sex and later
    we both laughed about it. kisses anna

  6. Cassie says:

    Dear Ronnie,

    I usually find your essays dead on. However, I, for one, here find your characterization of the men who are attracted to CD’s way off base.

    (As an aside, I’ve never liked the term “chasers.” It’s too pejorative. After all, who are we to judge the men who find us attractive? I’ve found, generally, they are just like everybody else. We all live alone inside our skins. And they, like us all, are people in perpetual search of an escape from that existential lonliness. If it be for years, or days, or even just for minutes, they, like everyone else, are looking for a profound connection with another human being.)

    As for their sexuality, my experience doesn’t at all match your characterizations. Without being too confesssional about myself here, I can still say that what I have experienced is this. Usually, they do, in fact, treat you very much like they would treat any woman in bed; and they, in turn, want to be treated by you as they would be treated by any woman.

    Following your own method of reasoning: if all they wanted was a top to their bottom, why wouldn’t they just go to a gay bar. The very fact that they are, in fact, “chasers” suggests that they want what we want them to want.

    I do grant that the “tactical” difficulties of the transition from a date out in public to intimacy is much harder for a cd than for a gg. (All that cinching and padding and stuff to rearrange!) But, I have learned that a simple line like: why don’t you have another drink while I go upstairs and get ready for bed takes care of that. (Followed, by a dash upstairs, a quick strip and shower, a quick re-dress in a nightgown … maybe with a smaller, more manageable bust underneath … and even a change to a pixie-cut or pinned back wig, etc. And then … those sweet, sweet moments of expectation under the covers waiting for the door to open … and then … well … enough said…)

    If you haven’t yet, do read my series of essays on a weekend I spent last year in NYC with a man. The series is called AND WHAT I WORE. You should be able to find them in TGForum’s archives. It’s not very explicit; but I strived in that series to share that wonderful sense of mood and expectation.

    I hope these links may work if you cut and paste them … actually if you start with part 10, you’ll find hyperlinks on top … and can just click back to the other links from inside number 10.

    Part 1
    Part 2
    Part 3
    Part 4
    Part 5
    Part 6
    Part 7
    Part 8
    Part 9
    Part 10


  7. Christianne says:

    You might pose this question to Roy and Vicki, who have been together for years. As for the rest: Not all T-girls are bottoms. I’ve met some who are tops. They never seem to want for partners, either. I’ve had short, but intense relationships with men, and none of them were bottoms. I find that I enjoy sex with men, but I don’t enjoy the “relationship” part, but that’s another matter. As for sex in a corset and garters…well, I’ve always been convinced that the best part of stockings and garters in comparison to pantyhose is that it leaves the important bits accessible. My corsetry is expensive, but I enjoy the feeling of my partner’s hands on my corseted waist as he takes me from behind. Sometimes my partners will use the laces as a kind of reign, which is fun. If I leave them long enough, he can spank me with them as he rides me. That said, I tend to favor the PVC corset, because a little Armorall and it’s as good as new.

    This, of course, may be more than you wanted to know.

    The main thrust–if you’ll pardon the word–is that sexual preferences are like everything else. If there’s a niche, someone will fill it. Nature abhors a vacuum.


  8. Jen says:

    It is awkward not ackward.

  9. maryanne mcnulty says:

    I know two Tgirls who’ve had extended longterm relationships with men. I never asked them who put what where during sex, but both guys were pretty butch, so I’m guessing they like it on top.
    In my own checkered past, as I’ve made the rounds to the various clubs in my town, I have encountered quite a few guys who wanted to put it where the sun don’t shine. Some identify as gay and some identify as straight. Apparently, in the minds of some males, screwing a chick with a dick doesn’t make you gay.
    From what I’ve heard and read my experience is not that unusual. Just as girls like us occupy a particular small (but colorful) band on the sexual spectrum there’s a complimentary band occupied by guys who are attracted to us. So, here’s to the boys in the band!

  10. Regina Liegh says:

    Ronnie Rho & all
    I guess I am very lucky in that I have a regular relationship with a male! He treats me like a woman in and out of bed! We have have not had any problem making love….EVER! My SO is also our lover so we often have three in bed! It has been three years and no problems! I guess i am very lucky! Regina

  11. Charlene says:

    Hello, you are so beautiful that I had to ask my friend to type my message to you. I have been in fetish bars in the Boston area but really wonder about my breasts: do you know whether or not I can achieve this without talking to my doctor? There are people in the bars who don’t mind selling me ‘hormones’ but I wonder if these can possibly be what I need. Will they harm me? [From Charlene’s friend, Carol: shouldn’t she just go to the doctor and get breast enhancers?]

    Anyway, now that my serious question is finished: Could I meet you some night, to talk and take you out to dinner? I live in Boston but can travel.

    Charlene in Boston

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