Retro Rerun: A Different Perspective

I am probably one of the few significant others in the universe who is glad that my husband did not tell me about his crossdressing until we had been married over twenty years.

Our children were almost grown, and our relationship was solid enough for me to accept this “jolt” to my complacency without too much difficulty. The issue of “trust” was never one I had problems with. I believed my husband when he told me why he had waited so long and secretly was glad he had.

Since it was basically just the two of us, I was not overly concerned about crossdressing taking time away from the family or having to arrange for babysitters when we went out. We had both been working for a number of years and our finances were such that buying clothes was not a hardship nor was attending conferences such as the Texas T Party or Holiday En Femmes. And last, but certainly not least, we did not have to worry about our children’s friends accidentally stumbling upon pictures or magazines while we were gone.

So it was relatively easy for me to adjust our lifestyle to accommodate crossdressing without too much difficulty because the barriers that face so many young couples were just not there. But I wonder would I have been so accommodating if my children were still home needing attention from both parents.

Would I not have been annoyed at the time away from the family? Would I not have been concerned about the finances? Would I not have resented his spending money on clothes that could have been set aside for college for the children? In talking to crossdressers with young children, I realize how hard it is for them.

A weekend with friends means the family is left home alone. And if the wife is able to attend, there is the cost of finding adequate babysitters. I think that perhaps I would have regarded our situation in a totally different light if the crossdressing had come out twenty years earlier. I might have begun to resent the lifestyle as being a self-centered one. I would not have had the opportunities then to participate as I have now and would probably have grown to dislike my husband’s involvement. There certainly would have been the need for much compromise as to the extent of the involvement. It is apparent that I would have had a different perspective.

I realize how lucky I have been and particularly how lucky my husband has been. What I view now as a very positive situation might have been viewed drastically different years ago. I guess there is a lesson in this. Obviously, we are not all going to have the same perspective. We need to recognize this and accept it.

(This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls and was published with permission o TGForum in 1997.)

Tags: crossdressing, featured, opinion, partners

Category: crossdressing