Rejoice with Me . . . Or Not

My wife’s headstone has been erected and the cemetery called to let me know. I went out to see it and take photos to send to my daughters. My wife died in January and almost immediately my sexuality exploded in ways that I couldn’t predict. The main feature of my attraction now leans heavily toward transgender women.

At age 65, I am not horrified at this turn of events. In fact, I consider it a great blessing because at long last I feel as if I know the truth about myself. I know who I really am. I know who I was meant to be. Certainly, cause to rejoice. Or maybe not. For as happy as I am now, I also know what a terrible burden this sexuality has been to others. So many have suffered alienation, mental illness, violence, and hatred as a direct result of their orientation.

Lucky me, I discovered my true sexuality late in life and assuredly during a time that is not so judgmental. As a Christian man, much of the pain inflicted upon transgender persons has been perpetrated by many of my co-religionists. Will I depart from denominations? I don’t know yet, but I will not abandon the basic tenets of my faith. I feel that my heart has been prepared by God to see the beauty of transgender persons. My faith has been stripped of the exclusion and judgment of transgender persons. I was blind, but now I see the courage and stamina, and love offered by transgender persons to guys like me who have come late to the party. I hope that my faith in God will stand the test of loving others as beautiful children of God, believing that we are all created in the image and likeness of Her/Him.

My eyes have been opened recently. Many people, such as transgender persons, were largely invisible to me. I did not see them and if I did, it was usually with a dismissive attitude. I believe that God has led me to this point, and I see so much more beauty than I ever saw before! And so seeing, my heart has grown so much more open as I see beautiful human persons who need love as much or more than anyone – certainly as much as I do. My capacity for loving others has expanded and I want to give that away.

The other night I was with a transgender sex worker. This beautiful woman taught me a great deal and I had the best night of my life with her. Yes, I’m 65, and that statement represents a lot of nights, and yes, I’ll stand by my statement. Our love that evening was physical, spiritual, and emotional. I am so thankful for that gift. ‘D’ if you’re reading, which I hope, it’s me, ‘K.’

The excitement on my part is that having discovered my true self, I am in the best position that I’ve ever been in to offer love, compassion, and empathy to others. I am the best person I’ve ever been. But then, how could I have been so blind to other humans? I will go to Confession for this blindness, but I will not confess my attraction, nor will I confess my orientation, because I believe they are gifts, God-given, and they are good.

For as easy as my path has been so far, I also am aware that many of my new brothers and sisters in the transgender community are hiding in fear, fear of bullying and ridicule, fear of self discovery, fear of violence, rejection and hatred. You may not be in a mood to celebrate with me. I get that, and it pains me to know of your very real fears. I wish it were not so. Change requires people like you and me to be kind to all, and especially toward those who are oppressed. Change requires action from people of good will. Change requires the love and acceptance of all people as equals in society, and nothing less will suffice.

As I barge my way into your community, I know I’m going to make mistakes when I speak, and I know that I’m ‘not all that.’ I am just another person who wants to love and wants to be loved for what I am. Is it really so hard to love others? It isn’t as hard as we fear it might be; but neither is it as easy as we hope it might be. However it may be for you, trying to love others is the best thing we can attempt to do in our lives. Peace out.

Like to make a comment? Login here and use the comment area below.

Tags: admirers, featured, partners, sexuality, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul