Random Notes From an Older Bi-gendered Person
Pauline Estelle
These comments are just a number of ramblings by an old crossdresser, there’s that term again. On September the 28th I reached the grand old age of 83. I have lived through WW2, Korea, Vietnam, and this never ending mess in the Middle East. What was the point? Germany is the most powerful country in Europe. Korea is split down the middle, Vietnam is still under some form of totalitarianism. And the mess in the Middle East has been going on for 1400 years.
My thoughts are that WW2 was the only just war. (I can remember when nylon stockings weren’t available. The nylon was turned into ropes for towing troop carrying gliders during WW2.)
There is not much one can do about growing old except make the best of it. My head seems pretty clear but the body protests a lot. Despite problems with my back I am fairly mobile and can still enjoy myself a great deal when dressed. I enjoy myself when in drab, also, but it’s not the same as being dressed en femme, is it?
When it comes to enjoyment we can’t eat or drink as much as we once did. Maybe that is a good thing because I am not overweight. This must help my mobility. I do have a slight curvature of the spine which reduces my physical height an inch or so. My wife’s always bragging as how much taller she is than I. Particularly when she is wearing heels. I get into trouble when she has to re-adjust the rearview mirror in the car. Lol.
Talking of heels, One loses the ability to wear 2 1/2, 3 inch and higher heels. How I hate flats. I guess there are some circumstances where one must wear them. There is nothing nicer than a well turned ankle in a good pair of stilettos.
Crossdressing! I don’t like the term crossdressing, but then I don’t like many of the other titles we are given either. My wife came up with the classifications that I feel most comfortable with — “Bi-gendered.” but we can pick holes in most of these titles for one reason or another.
What is more important to me is the why? This is of course is an unanswerable question. Long before I was free to dress I had these urges to dress in female clothing and of course, when I married again I was free to dress at will. It is however, much more than just putting on female attire. One’s personality changes and I feel less aggressive and more sedate and of course quite feminine. I would sooner mix with women, and other CDs than men. I am not a great sports fan when dressed.
Another thing worth mentioning. Boobs and bras. What size forms should one wear? The best advice I was given was that they should be proportional to your body size. If one studies women is obvious that this rule does not apply, but one has to start somewhere. I have three pairs of forms. One is what The Breast Form Store call a size eight. This is the first pair I bought and they are now leaking. I have another pair size eight which stay in position using double sided tape. Not a bad arrangement but a lot of work. They add at least fifteen or twenty minutes to my dressing time which is normally about seventy five minutes.
I have the same routine every time, shower, shave from nose to toes (I do use Veet on my legs and fore arms so this isn’t needed every time), then makeup and dress. If I don’t do this I feel as if I haven’t washed away my male persona. Its funny how the quality of the end product varies from time to time.
Have you ever made a mess of your eyes or lip makeup and made it worse when one tries to fix it.?
My remaining set of forms are a size ten, These are self adhesive and as stated in the advertising, they are too heavy to go completely unsupported.
Bras are a slightly different problem. I have a 38 inch chest, so according to The Breast Form Store I should be wearing 42DD. This seems rather large to me, Any Ideas, anyone? Because the lightest skin of a set of Forms is never as light as my almost white Caucasian skin they have to be well hidden in the bra.
Has any one had any experience with breast plates? I tried one once and it was a disaster. When I returned it (yes, the vendor took it back) UPS put a forklift through them. Fortunately I had it insured.
We are now into the summer/winter clothing change over. Roll on next May. We try to put everything we wear during the season back in the closet with the hanger turned around so that hopefully one can tell what has been worn and what hasn’t. It doesn’t always work.
My wife bought me a mink coat. It only cost $70.00 in a used clothing store and it tends to be a little on the small side. It’s a nice coat and feels very elegant and cosy when it is on. But I don’t feel comfortable wearing it when I go out because I am expecting someone to damage it.
At my age one tends to think of the future, short as it may be. I intend to get as much from it as I can.
To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling, the last verse of his poem ‘If’.
If you can fill each un-forgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and every thing that’s in it
And- which is more- you’ll be a girl (man) my son.
Sorry Rudyard, I couldn’t resist it.
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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender History, Transgender Opinion
About the Author (Author Profile)
I was born in England in 1935 and spent fourteen years in British Navy starting in 1951. I married in 1958 and stayed that way for 51 years. My wife gave me 3 sons all now in their fifties, only one knows of my little pecadilo. Four grand children all in or completed University. I emigrated to Canada in 1968. Worked for the oil, gas and power industries until I retired at 66. My first wife died of cancer in 2009. I was introduced to Gail by a mutual friend and we have been together six years and married for three. Gail was aware of my crossdressing before we married and supports it wholeheartedly with some rules. I have to be Paul some of the time, which is fair. I am a Libra and I own it.Subscribe
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