Parallel Lives

Last week, for a couple of hours, I had the pleasure of the company of three of my friends … we just sat just around talking, and talking … about nothing in particular:

Marc: I’m a member of the black-suited, blue shirt, red tie brigade. Spending my time as a professional in the office; managing, cajoling and leading my multitude of staff; meeting numerous clients and winning business, time after time, for my company — of which I am part owner.

Trevor: I’m a very technically gifted engineer, and can work out the mode of operation and mechanism of almost every machine I come across; engines are my speciality and the more complicated the better. I enjoy getting my hands dirty, literally, and thrive on a challenge.

Roland: I’m a senior professor in a nationally known university, head of department and with direct responsibility for the curriculum and welfare of numerous students; a demanding job if ever there as one — let me tell you!

Marc: Kids yes, two; wife, no. Divorced almost seven years ago; pressure of work, too much business travel and all that.

Trevor: Wife and three children; two or, maybe, three more years and they’ll all have graduated (I hope); one is planning to be a pharmacist; one an engineer (much to my joy) and the other doesn’t know.

Roland: No wife or kids; there’s no time in the life of an academic for anything other than research, study, and more study — believe me!

Marc: I play racquet sports such as tennis and squash; like to hike and also work out once or so a week.

Trevor: My only hobbies are things like taking engines apart and putting them back together again, or sometimes fixing up old cars.

Roland: Books, more books and magazines; old historical documents, maps.

Diverse professions, different jobs. Few similarities in marital status. No consistency in spare time activities or hobbies.

So what binds my three friends together, what is the thread of commonality?

Quite simple really. They all lead parallel lives; live lives a light year away from their public persona; lives indelibly imprinted on their brains.

Let them explain:

Marc: I started crossdressing when I was about 4-5; wearing a dress is one of my earliest memories. In fact when I think back over my life, out of 10-12 really memorable events or milestones that stay in my mind, my crossdressing experiences account for well over 50% of these. And, oh, before you ask, CDíng was not one of the causes of my marital break-up.

Trevor: I was a late starter, I was well into my 40s before the “need” reared its head, and in a big way; my wife knows and we have good days and bad days with it; sometime she can’t tolerate it at all, and on others she’ll concede that I can sit around the house dressed — provided, of course the children are away and there’s no chance or any visitors calling.

Roland: Me? Hard to say really. Never really fitted in with the boys and their rough games when I was younger, much preferring reading books and poetry. It’s an awful cliché, but I knew something was not right, knew that I was different somehow. Yet it wasn’t until I was in my late teens, and at university would you believe, that I first wore women’s clothing. Something just clicked and that was over 40 years ago!

Marc: I always thought I was just a crossdresser; then, I felt sure I should be called a transvestite (i.e. someone who completely changes their appearance to be as feminine as possible, with wigs, make-up etc.); no fetish dressing here, but an undeniable need to go out and about, and be seen as much and as often as I could!

Trevor: Crossdresser; it helps me relax, unwind after a hard day. No plans to permanently alter my appearance, no surgery. No wish to be a woman full time. I admire woman for the things they have to tolerate, to put up with.

Roland: Well, being in the position that I am, I can wear my hair long, wear earrings to work — after all, aren’t all professors slightly eccentric? I admit I’m not brave enough to “come out” to my dean, or my family for that matter, but in, what, another two years I’ll retire and then my first task will be to consult with a therapist/counsellor about the “best” way forward with a possible transition.

Marc: The future, hmm, well, after a few minor surgeries, small cosmetic improvements and the way I live my life outside of work, I know; I absolutely know. I am transgendered.

Trevor: Stay as I am; work on convincing my wife to join me at one of the local T-girl’s meetings; improve my look.

Roland: Transition to female as soon as I practically can.

Marc: Reactions? Them: shock, horror. Me: serenity, finally living my life as I should.

Trevor: They’d disown me.

Roland: Complete shock and denial, yet there are bound to be some of those people I know who will say: “I knew there was something strange about him.”

Available from Club Lighthouse Publishing

Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul