Options

We have many choices as transgender people. In some things, we have no choice.

For example, we don’t have a choice about being transgender. This is a rough life. Some of us lose everything to be True to ourselves. Many of us don’t survive. No one would choose this life willingly.

But in most other things we DO have choices. We choose to go out in public, or not. We choose the black skirt over the red one (or vice versa.) Which earrings to wear? Pierced or clips? And don’t get me started on shoes!

Some people dress casually. Some prefer leather. Vinyl. Short skirts. Pants. Dresses. Gowns. Fetishwear.

Crossdresser? Gender queer? Androgynous? Beginning hormones? Full time? Part time? Transitioned?

If we choose to go out, there are more choices. Where to go? Is it safe? Will friends be there or are you going alone?

We choose who we want as our friends. Some people are friendlier than others. Some are “party friends” and others are friends who would die for you. And everything in between.

But most important, we choose how we treat others.

It comes in waves. Every once in a while, social media lights up with “I don’t want to be associated with THEM!” Who are THEM? Fill in the blank.

And I’m not even speaking about politics! I’m speaking about Trans against Trans!

Here’s an example: Jen Bryant’s Raven gatherings. Being Raven, it was a very Inclusive gathering. Anyone under our “gender spectrum” was welcome. And everyone along the spectrum came! In particular were two older people. I’ve seen them before at the Keystone Conference (another VERY inclusive gathering.) These two were dressed like little girls in Shirley Temple’s time. All pink and ruffles and blond ringlets with large bows. They stood out even among all of the various outfits. And they stuck pretty much to themselves.

Would I wear what they were wearing? Hell no! Not even on Halloween (and I’ve worn some crazy stuff on Halloween. I’ll admit they made me feel a little uncomfortable. Some people complained. They didn’t have the courage to talk TO these two and find out who they were, and why they prefer wearing those outfits. Nope.

“Why are THEY here?!?!” “What are they thinking?” “They’ll ruin everything!”

So why WERE they there? They were there to share the fun and Inclusive (there’s that word again) and safe environment that makes Jen’s Raven parties so special.

And I hope they come again next party. That’s right. Despite them making me feel uncomfortable, I want them there again. Why on Earth would I want that?

It comes down to that one word: INCLUSIVE.

Inclusive. Defined by Merriam Webster as “broad in orientation or scope. Covering or intended to cover all items, costs, or services.”

As opposed to “Exclusive,” defined by the same source as “limiting or limited to possession, control, or use by a single individual or group; excluding others from participation; snobbishly aloof.”

If we want to be INCLUSIVE, that means everyone. All of us. Them too.

Let’s say those two were asked to leave and not return due to their wardrobe choice. Who would be next? People whose skirts were too short? (Sorry, Suzanne, time for you to leave!) People dressed inappropriately for their age? Half the room leaves. Kristyn, I’m sorry but kilts are out of bounds! And those trans-men? Don’t get me started on them!

Let’s pull back even further, shall we? Ya’ll are just guys in dresses and we don’t want your kind here! You’re scaring the children!

Anyone ever hear something like that before? Like maybe all of us?

Here in the Philly area, we are blessed to have several trans-friendly events. I attend Angela’s Laptop Lounge every month. And there you will see people all across the gender spectrum. People dressed in trashy outfits. Classy outfits. Everything in between. The door person wears corsets and fetish-wear (and ROCKS it!) Well, she’s a GG, so no one says anything.

On Facebook the other day, there was a discussion between several people about some of the topics for seminars at the Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference. Topics like “Creating a Safer Space to Discuss HIV/STI Risk with Trans People Engaged in Sex Work.” “Double your pleasure, Double your fun?” “Sex Workers and Trafficking Survivors: Lessons from Our work with the Transgender Community.” And they objected to this. They are boycotting the conference as they don’t want to be associated with “those people.”

“Those People.”

Well, Those People need help like the rest of us. Those People are Human like us. And Trans like us.

So, shall we Exclude them?

Or Embrace them?

Well, you can guess my answer to this. There aren’t many of us in the world, and we’re fighting for our Rights and even our Lives. We face discrimination at every turn. Must we discriminate against each other?

We have Options, folks. Paper or plastic? How would you like that cooked? Standard or automatic?

Include or Exclude.

Embrace or Debase.

“Hang Together or Assuredly All Hang Separately.”

It’s up to each of you. I can’t decide for you. Nor will I judge.

I leave that to others.  They seem to be very good at it.

Tags: featured, Identity, inclusion, opinion, passing, tolerance

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion