One Constant in My Life

Life is an evolution. Everything changes with time. But there is one thing, and only one thing, which has been a constant in the life of many.

Let me explain what I mean. One afternoon recently, I met up for a coffee with an old friend who was visiting from overseas. As things do, once we had caught up on our latest news about work, family and what other friends had been doing over the years since we’d last met, our conversation turned reflective. We started reminiscing.

Maybe our conversation turned reflective due to the age we’re both at. (I’m not going to give our ages away but we are both “mature”). Or maybe it’s because we both have a lifetime of experience in different matters. Have seen a lot and been through many ups and downs.

My friend was more sanguine than me. Indeed, at times, he almost seemed to forget I was there with him. Whatever the trigger was for his virtual soliloquy, the more he talked the more he seemed enraptured by his “confession.” But, the funny thing was, the more I heard, the more I realized that what he was saying was a parallel of my own life and experiences.

I’m going to paraphrase it, but his confession went something like this:

• I came from humble beginnings; our family didn’t always have much money;
• I knew I was different from an early age and first recall dressing in women’s clothes when I was very young. The feelings were intoxicating, I can still remember them;
• I studied hard and had a strong desire to do well in my life;
• my sister was born, my father was ill for a while;
• I graduated with a good degree;
• I still enjoyed dressing, getting better and better at my presentation as female;
• I left home and got a good job;
• I dated lots of women, finally got married and had two children;
• I moved overseas to work;
• my dressing remained a secret but my presentation as a female was really first-class, I found I could easily “pass” in public;
• my children grew up and went to study at university; I got divorced;
• my parents passed away;
• I moved countries with my job, leaving most of the friends I had got to know over 15 or 20 years;
• I had laser treatment to remove facial hair, minor surgery on my face and nose and played around with estrogen;
• I started studying again, this time for a Master’s degree (whilst still working);
• I become the country head in my company with more responsibilities and duties;
• I became a grandparent;
• my dressing was as important as ever and I often took holidays where I stayed en-femme full time, sometimes for weeks on end;
• I semi-retired, financially secure but still wanting to work to keep my mind sharp;
• I started my own small editing/publishing business;
• I was offered several consultancies with leading companies;
• I feel as confident about my “look” as I’ve ever been and know I could go anywhere, anytime undetected as anything other than a female. Yet, I can be seen as female or as male depending on what and when I want. I just can’t quite find it in me to “transition” to live full-time permanently as a female. I just don’t know why though.

My friend’s conclusion?

Life evolves. Things change. People come and go. But the female within us never changes. She is always there. She is the constant in our lives. She has been with us all the way on our journey through life. She will be there to the end.

We should be ever so proud to have the gift of being able to present as both genders and see life from “both sides.” It’s not something many people can do!

Christine Burr is the author of a new book titled Am I Trans Enough under the pen name Cathy Heart.

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Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul