Objective or Bust

“In the U.S. you either have to be a deviant or die of boredom.” – William S. Burroughs

The Artist D

I often ponder my own objective of being, doing, and becoming. I am a deeply superficial person who understood early on that life is a blank canvas. We make it what we want. A lot of people have had others painting on their canvas before they were even allowed to touch the brushes. It is this borderline confusion mixed with desperate longing which messes with our heads.

Upon exiting the womb we are asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We’re supposed to be one thing. You are supposed to bang on the head of one nail which will end up being the final nail in your coffin. For me, I’ve been banging on hundreds of nails like a gigantic earthy xylophone.

I’ve lived the life of many in the life of one. I plan to continue living many more lives within this one. I do not understand the desire to be one thing. I do understand the pressure to become one thing. The fight to be singularly gendered when you could be multi-gendered. The requirement to go to bed with one person every night instead of five people all snuggled up together. The longing need to dye your hair blonde for forty years instead of getting a different color for each season.

We are expected to be singular organisms all the while being made up of many organisms with many organs. It’s got everything to do with living alone. We scrape and scrounge to afford the rent for our one place, our very own cage with our very own hamster wheel. Meanwhile, we could have gathered twelve friends, split the rent twelve ways, and lived in a palace. Or don’t you have that many friends? Or don’t you have that many friends you can cuddle with?

They used to call me a loner. I have never been alone. I had always been solitary. The friendship model that was described to me was never something I wanted to buy into. Society’s friendship model is all about remaining apart while being together. Your friends are your friends but you treat them like your enemy.

We could accomplish so much together, yet we remain apart. The political races should show you how difficult it is to get along with fellow organisms. Any group project can tell you that. Which leaves me with a feeling of sadness and disappointment. Our cells and organs work together to make people, but when the people are finished they cannot combine themselves with other people to make a greater good.

Because what is the greater good? What is good? They can’t even agree on that. They are too busy with rules and regulations. The deviants working against the deviations. There is individuality and then there is nitpicky. We’ve come so far but still can’t tell the difference, nor control ourselves in order to build a Tower of Babel. Most people can’t even build a House of Cards.

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion