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More to it…???

| Sep 20, 2006
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faceless.JPGSo, I wear clothing designed for women.  I paint my face to appear more like a female.  Maybe most importantly, I try to act like a woman when I’m dressed.   So obviously, this is more than a fetish.   

If it was just about the clothes, why do I adopt the character of a woman? 

That’s the point right there.  Could it be that it’s my character, my personality, that I’m not ultimately happy with?  (And by “I”, I mean “some of us”.)

Yes, there are true transsexuals out there: people whose bodies don’t match their souls.  And yes, on the other end of the spectrum, there are fetishists: those who just like the feel or the look of a certain type of fabric.  (And yes, there are those who have a foot in both of those categories.)

And there are those of us in between.  Some closer to one end, some closer to the other.  (Duh, Ronnie.  Get to the point.)

I wear many masks: at work, it’s the mask of cool professionalism, when inside, I’m wondering if I’m good enough.  In social situations, my disguise is that of an outgoing, confident, likeable fellow, when in reality, I’m scared to death people won’t like me.

It’s been like that since grade school, when I learned how to hide feelings: if you showed weakness, bullies would pick on you.

What if this Ronnie “character” is just another mask, to hide feelings of masculine inadequacy?  (Give or take a bit of fetishness, and transsexuality.) 


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Category: All TGForum Posts

ronnierho

About the Author ()

Ronnie Rho has been writing for Transgender Forum since May of 1999. One of these days, she'll get it right. She's been described as the "world's most famous recluse," but only by people who don't know her very well. She is unmarried, and lives in Cincinnati.

Comments (4)

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  1. For gods sake Ronnie, are you trying to tell me and everyone else that you really don’t know yourself well enough by now to know the answers to the questions you posed? I don’t buy it I just think you’re playing devils advocate in order to make some of us put our thinking caps on. That’s okay with me, because I allways enjoy your mental meanderings. Any way I’m going to have to run to the medicine closet and get myself a aspirin. All my best Ginger.

  2. melissaK says:

    Ronnie! Dear, my, my. Trying to undo lots of my counselling with that post you are. 🙂 The masks theme. Am I the mask or am I the wearer of the mask? Is a an adult dissociation a mask or just good acting? Is an ego state a mask? Is a DID alter personality a mask or the person? Is melissa me or not me? My head is spinning round and round . . . where the heck is my counsellors phone number – I think I might need her on speed dial!!

    “I feel the magic in your caress
    I feel magic when I touch your dress
    Silk and satin, leather and lace
    Black panties with an angel’s face;
    I heat up, I can’t cool down
    You got me spinnin’
    ‘Round and ’round
    ‘Round and ’round and ’round it goes
    Where it stops nobody knows” – – Steve Miller Band

    hugs, melissaK

  3. Linda Jensen says:

    Great post Ronnie. Your name rings a bell but your face draws a blank 🙂
    I agree with you. If crossdressing were just a fetish we could have left it at ‘transvestism’ which connotes putting on some amount of female garmets for the purpose of gaining sexual pleasure.
    Our crossdressing is more than that. It involves a considerable amount of time, effort and role playing so as to achieve a look and behavior that as closely resembles feminine as possible.
    There are probably many reasons why going out and about crossdressers choose this behavior for ourselves. ‘Getting our rocks off’ is probable the least of them. I would put more money on the desire to expand our self-identity and sense of self worth.

  4. Sallee says:

    Whoa Ronnie your getting way to heavy Cross dressing is suppose to be fun.
    Although I can understand where you are coming from. Been there done that. I do consider cross dressing a fetish at least some what. What ever that means. It is fun and it is a turn on I really doubt stamp collecting can be a sexual turn and Cding certainly is for me, but true it is more than that. I use to try and think of it as allergy of sorts you could have it real bad and not be even near cats or a house they use to live in without sneezing and wheezing or sometimes when a cat gets in your face you might sneeze. That is probably a poor analogy. But you probably get the picture. I use to think that I could cross dress any time in my mind. Just think I was x dressed and as long as I didn’t look at a reflection I could fool myself. Not true. Now sometimes if I spend all day wandering around xdressed I will be reminded of it when I see a reflection (I do go looking for reflections) I guess that is the fetish part. Narcissism
    Anyway that is pretty much why my attitude as turned to “just have fun and Enjoy”
    You seem like you do most of the time and that is a good thing. But I sure know that is can be a real mind mess sometimes….Sallee

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