Misogyny

I have always loved women and femininity. I first expressed an interest in female fashions and style at the age of six, and experienced my first crush on a girl at age seven. I was drawn early to classic domestic activities (cooking, cleaning, sewing, needlepoint, etc.)–much of which I sadly abandoned by adolescence, in misguided efforts to present a masculine image.

As a teenager in the glamorous middle 1980s–the era of big hair, flashy clothes and brightly colored cosmetics–I was awed by my female classmates. I wanted very much to engage them in conversations about fashion and style. But I was too scared to do so. I kept secretive about it all, because I couldn’t figure out a way to bring up the subject without attracting unwanted suspicion.

When I reached adulthood in the early 1990s and became independent, I began shopping openly for myself–mostly via catalog, but occasionally at retail outlets also–and taking initial steps out of doors. Part of this was obviously the freedom to finally express a long-suppressed desire, however limited in scope. But simply, I admired women and sought to emulate them. For me it was truly a labor of love, then as now.

Even when I was closeted, I never despised women or womanhood. I might have felt in some ways like a failure as a man, but I never took that out on women. Now, being openly out, I feel like a more integrated human being, one that people around me–especially women–seem happy to involve and include in their lives, in whatever capacity suits them. (Many women even seem quite thrilled with me.) I could say that at long last, I finally feel like myself.

Of course, there are some men (and even women) that do look down at transgender ladies. TGForum readers who are visibly out–be it virtually or publicly–have at some point likely received the occasional disapproving look, snide remark, personal or professional snub, or even abusive comments or behavior. Such actions are, of course, wrong. They are impolite and uncivilized at best, or threatening and publicly dangerous at worst.

However, this is distinct from (for example) a religious person who honestly believes that individuals should conform their behavior and lives to the physical gender in which God created them. Such beliefs I respect–being, I hope, a faith-filled person myself–and am always happy to discuss wherever charity, common courtesy and good will are involved and reciprocated.

It is also different from someone who genuinely resents when the arbitrary hand of compromised government authority favors politically connected groups at the expense of others, and tells people how to act, think and speak. I also respect such viewpoints; I share them. Man is not almighty, and the historical record repeatedly and loudly demonstrates–particularly in the 20^th Century–that he cannot create heaven on earth. (Still, there will be no end of political fanatics and monomaniacs who wish to try.)

What I refer to in this case are those who appear to dislike transgender ladies, simply for embracing feminine appearances, activities, etc.–in other words, for aspiring to be women. My own experience has led me to conclude that many such individuals are not bigots (although some certainly are), as much as they are simply misogynists. Apparently they need to compare themselves favorably to women at every opportunity that offers itself. They despise women, looking upon them as a second-class existence of human being. (Women can and occasionally do fall into this category.) One can observe entire portions of the globe where this vile mentality is on full, unapologetic display on a daily basis.

As a layman, I am obviously unqualified to psychoanalyze anybody. I can only state that the minimal open disrespect I have ever encountered has come from what appeared to be classic insecure males, or from militant feminists who happened to discover that I did not share many (if not most) of their viewpoints. These two seemingly disparate groups do have this much in common: They place no value whatsoever on the wonderful blessing of femaleness. They do not appear to hold women as beloved beings to be approached with awe, or held in public esteem–let alone on whose behalf would they be willing to make significant personal sacrifices.

Reverence.

In the opening chapter of her small but deep book The Privilege of Being a Woman, Dr. Alice von Hildebrand itemized how representatives from these very groups openly expressed the most brutal and degrading opinions about womanhood. Among others, German nationalist Friedrich Nietzsche actually instructed, “When you go to a woman, do not forget your whip”. Feminist author Simone de Beauvoir engaged in her own brand of misogyny, stating that women “produce nothing”, are “pure objects”, and are even “disgusted by their own sex”. It is demoralizing to read such statements, knowing that they were expressed by supposedly educated minds.

By contrast, authors like Dante and Shakespeare freely sang the praises of angelic and sublime women, awarding such characters central and redemptive roles in their celebrated works. And the joyfully humorous British writer G.K. Chesterton made very perceptive observations on gender over 100 years ago, including the following: “It is quite certain that the skirt means female dignity, not female submission…when men wish to be stately, impressive, as judges, priests or kings, they do wear skirts, the long trailing robes of female dignity. The whole world is under petticoat government; for even men wear petticoats when they wish to govern.” (I myself am perfectly content with a slip, but I think his meaning is clear.)

Dignity.

For those with a supernatural outlook (from the Latin super natura, i.e. “above nature”), one can read the biblical narrative of creation and make the case that woman–as the last in an ascending and increasingly complex order of creatures–is the summit of divine handiwork. The book of Genesis records that when Adam first saw Eve, he was awestruck and immediately recognized that she filled a void in his life that he didn’t even know he had. At least subliminally, I think we all understand that there is something inherently reverential about womanhood and femininity, however we may choose to express this fact.

TGForum readers all started out on the path of femininity because we adored womanhood, and everything we perceived to be associated with it. Ideally, that should mean embracing it all–good, bad and indifferent–and accepting that our problems in life will not magically vanish simply because we can dress how we like, or because we can be addressed as “Ms.” in public. It should mean letting people get to know you as an authentic person, beyond your outward image. It should mean living with confidence, being receptive and listening to others instead of simply talking at or over them. It should mean recognizing women as role models, and emulating them accordingly. As a recent TGForum column rightly emphasized, the little things really do count.

So don’t let yourself be affected by external or internal misogyny. Embrace the feminine aspects of your life, and channel them into positive outlets and behavior, in whatever possible degree. If you radiate positivity and self-confidence, you will ultimately be surrounded by positive and confident people. You might be amazed at who some of them turn out to be. Give yourself a chance to find out!

¹ Alice von Hildebrand, “The Privilege of Being a Woman” (Ann Arbor, Michigan: Sapientia Press, 2002), p. 2-4.

² Gilbert Keith Chesterton, “What’s Wrong With The World” (Peru, Illinois: Sherwood Sugden & Company, 1990), p. 111.

Tags: featured, Identity, opinion, Transgender

Category: Transgender Opinion