Making Friends While Agender

| May 7, 2018
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Hey guys! This month, I thought I would talk about making friends. I’ve always had trouble with making friends. I didn’t have any friends until third grade, and even then, I had trouble making new ones. I’ve been trying to make more friends lately, and I’ve run into some problems with that, mostly concerning my gender.

One of the issues I’ve had is people not knowing what pronouns to use for me. I hung out with a good friend and some of their friends recently, and after I left, they asked my friend which pronouns to use for me. I feel like this would be less of a problem if people weren’t as scared to ask about pronouns. If someone asked me what pronouns I used, I would simply respond with telling them that I use they/them pronouns. I have no problem with being asked what my pronouns are. I know that there are some people who are afraid to ask, but I feel like it’s more respectful to ask than it is to just assume. When I’m hanging out with people I don’t know very well, I hope they would ask me what my pronouns are rather than ask someone else.

Another issue I’ve run into with cis people in specific is that when I discuss my life before coming out, they seem to feel weird. I guess this could just be them not being able to relate, but I feel like this happens a lot. For example, if I discuss going to a boarding school and living in a boys’ dorm, cis people tend to get uncomfortable. This could be because they know me as I am now and not the person I was then, but it still bothers me. I wish that people could just learn to accept that as a part of the past and be able to listen to me talk about it without getting weird.

One last thing that I wanted to bring up is the way that people will look at me without knowing my gender. I feel like I get a lot of odd looks since my body and presentation are both somewhere between male and female. I wear whatever clothes I want to, so people can’t tell my gender from that. And I’ve been on hormones for a while, so my gender is kind of ambiguous in terms of appearance. And even when I’m dressed in a way that resembles a gender, I’ll still find a way to make it my own. For example, I’ll wear masculine clothes but also wear a lot of makeup. I just wish that people could see me as more than a gender. I wish people would see me as me.

Okay, thank you for listening to me ramble on about gender and friendship. None of these issues are going to stop me from making friends; I still am meeting new people and trying to expand my circle. These are just things that I wish more people (in particular, cis people) would think about. Thank you for reading!

Blessed Be,


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Category: Transgender Body & Soul


About the Author ()

M is an 18-year-old agender person who lives in Pennsylvania. They about to enter senior year of high school. Their preferred pronouns are they/them. Their favorite things are music, poetry, and dogs. M is an aspiring writer, activist, and psychologist. They look forward to being a part of the TG Forum community, and would love to share their perspective of the world.

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