“I Know How You Feel”

Empathy. (N) The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. (Unless that other is a Vulcan or something.) We all would like to think we have at least some of this ability; and our loved ones as well. People who do not feel empathy are known as Narcissists.

Have you ever had someone who knows you’re TG say to you “I know how you feel” or “I understand what you’re going through?” I guess this question applies more to those of us who have publically “come out” as Transgender, but it can also apply to those who have not.

Usually the person who says this is also Trans. But what if the person is Cisgender?

Oh — Cisgender means people who feel there is a match between their assigned sex and the gender they feel themselves to be. You are cisgender if your birth certificate says you’re male and you identify yourself as a man or if your birth certificate says you’re female and you identify as a woman.

Got that?

Right. Anyway, I’ve had cisgender people tell me that they understand what I am going through. And I wondered… can they?

I thought about it. And thought about it. And thought some more. Then I did what any reasonable sentient would do: I asked people on Facialbook.

We as Transpeople have unique lives (as does everyone, but I’m going to generalize here to make my point, so live with it, okay?). Let’s summarize here. Most of us know from an early age that we were born “different” or “wrong.” I knew when I was four. And I spent my life feeling the Pain and Anger of a life denied

Every

Single

Day

For all those years.

I saw friends and classmates wear dresses and just be girls as I grew up. Then, at puberty, the changes began. They grew breasts and hips. They became young women. And I didn’t. In fact, as I was a “late bloomer” puberty didn’t hit me until far later than the others. So I still looked like a child. Undateable. If I could’ve transitioned then, I’d look female today. But I couldn’t. In the late ’70s and early ’80s, being Trans was an “Eternal Sin” with no chance of redemption. What I wanted was so very basic, so primal and essential, and yet would forever be out of my reach.

How could someone who didn’t grow up like that understand it?

And what it means to be Trans today. I walk between the genders. I am becoming female. However, I am reminded that I am different by others almost daily. Reminded that I am still different. An Outsider. A Gender Pariah. I have sacrificed my marriage, many old friendships, my home; spent a LOT of money changing my body and I’m still laughed at. Republicans think I’m a pervert and want to legislate where I can pee! They think I don’t deserve basic human rights.

How can a Cisgender person really understand that if they haven’t experienced it?

So then, one of my facialbook friends, Roberta, made a VERY good point when she wrote “can transgender person really understand what a cis gender person experiences?”

And my answer is “No.”

What is it like to wake up every morning as a child and NOT feel that Pain and Anger? To be born a girl, and blossom into womanhood? To experience all the small rituals of girlhood (here in the U.S.) like sleepovers, sweet 16, prom dresses, and more. We don’t have to worry about cramps and periods, but we also will never be Mothers. However, if we stop HRT, we DO go through menopause.

No, we don’t understand what it means to be a genetic girl (GG.) And they can’t understand what it means to be TG.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t have empathy.

We can try to understand each other. And we can accept each other as Human beings. In the end, THAT is the “Sinister Transgender Agenda™:” to be accepted as human beings.

As the Women or Men we were supposed to be.

I don’t think that’s asking too much, but I’m not a Republican.

Be Well.

Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion