I Hate My Voice on the Phone

| Jul 31, 2017
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Most of us feel vulnerable when it comes to our voice. This is true because we confirm one’s gender by observing the visual, behavioral, communicative and vocal cues we express. We may have had people criticize us and say negative comments, which we allow to give meaning and truth to their statements, even if they are unfounded. We all have a little person sitting on our shoulder giving us critical self-talk about how we sound. This running negative judgmental commentary is always with us and tells us what is WRONG with our voice!

We then assign critical labels to our voice over and over again as a continuous loop and we start to believe this ‘little person’s’ voice. We need to be able to break this loop and start to live in the present with our voice. We should not pay attention to the ‘little person’s’ commentary and criticisms, nor should we justify any of this negative self-talk. Once we address this negative self-talk, we attach truth to it and it becomes part of the negative talk loop. This negative self-talk is an unconscious habit that interferes with your voice modification progress.

To change your voice and extinguish your negative self-talk, practice the following techniques: Become aware of your voice without giving any judgment. Be mindful of your voice. Mindful of the present, not the past. By being in this moment, you are more aware and recognize what sounds like your true gender and what doesn’t. How does your voice feel? Don’t be critical of yourself. If you are not happy with your voice practice or exercise, don’t say, “I can’t do this.” Make it positive and say, “The next time I try this exercise, I will do better.”

Set aside 15 minutes daily for your voice modification practice. Take small steps to change your voice to your true gender. Work on pitch in one session, resonance in another session, loudness, articulation and the melody of the language, facial expression, eye contact and body language in other sessions. Note your progress in what works for you and what doesn’t work. Record your voice and hear the difference. As you practice, you will become more self-aware of your voice and will focus on transferring your new voice for the present one.


1. Speak with the voice vibrating from the front of your mouth, not from your chest or throat.

2. Use bouncing on the important words you say.

3. Use a happy smiling tone on the phone, never a ‘complaining’ voice.

4. Use natural pausing.

5. Use a sing song voice when answering the phone or when hanging up.

6. Lengthen vowels.

7. Articulate lightly, but precisely!

8. Keep calm!

9. Keep an upright posture when speaking on the phone.

Marc Mitnick, MS, CCC-SLP is a certified Speech, Language and Voice Pathologist in private practice in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. www.transgendervoiceimprovement.com

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Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender How To


About the Author ()

Marc Mitnick, MS, CCC-SLP, Board certified and licensed Speech, Language and Voice Pathologist, Director, Your Speech Therapist, Inc.

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