I am not a good looking man…

And I’ll be the first to admit it. For the most part, women do not flirt with me. The number of women I’ve met in say, a bar, and later dated, I can count on one hand. (Please, keep the masturbation jokes to yourself.)

My wife thinks I’m attractive, but when I look at pictures of her past boyfriends, I’m led to believe she has a thing for goofy looking guys.

What makes me unappealing? For one thing, I’m overweight. Hugely. And most of it shows up in two places: my gut and my face. I’ve got a funny shaped nose, and an oversized chin. Combined, I have a profile that’s a cross between Dick Tracy and Jay Leno.

There are some unattractive guys, who, when en femme, make very beautiful women. I’m not one of them.

But, still, I continue to dress and to go out. And I continue to take pictures of myself, and post them online.

With photos, I have an element of control. The flattering pictures are shared, and the bad ones destroyed. And with those good pictures, I can convince myself that I’m not a horrid looking man in a dress. That element of fantasy is important. Most people, especially crossdressers, want to be physically attractive. We want to be appealing, sexy, and desirable. It’s something I don’t feel when I’m in guy-mode.

That is why I think I crossdress. If I take pictures, and I’m unhappy with the results, it’s a long time before I dress up again. It may be shallow, but there you have it. I want to look good, even if I’m the only one who thinks so.

Tags: crossdressing

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