How’s Your Passing Game?
The Super Bowl just gave me an excuse to use a title for this article that “sports” a double meaning. On the football field it means one thing and in the minds of crossdressers it means something entirely different.
Why do crossdressers want to pass? To blend in and be accepted as just another woman? One major motivation is they don’t want to be picked on or attacked. Much of the world gets odd ideas about a person’s worth when they see a male dressed as a female. A lot of that has to do with innate homophobia that produces the equation “man” + “dress and makeup” = “homosexual.” Until gay people make much more progress toward full acceptance you can expect math like that to continue to be worrisome. People who think this way find a man in a dress intimidating since they are afraid that if they find it attractive they may be gay — and that scares them a lot. Or, they get angry, because they are male chauvinists, and that pretty girl they have seen is a “man trying to fool them” for shady sexual purposes. The fact that they are most often wrong about that doesn’t mean that the attractive crossdresser on her way to someplace, minding her own business is going to be safe when these type of thinkers are around. Which makes passing a goal for safety. Haters convinced that you are a woman may direct their unwanted “romantic” attentions your way but they can be defused most of the time by employing the standard tools a woman uses to repel unwanted advances. “Resting bitch face,” for example.
So we see that being accepted by all you meet as a female can be a protective armor keeping those ignorant of gender diversity and sexual variety from knowing that we walk among them. (Keeping in mind that being accepted as a female means you face the same dangers all women are exposed to from the bad dudes out there. Exercise the same caution as all women.)
What are some other reasons for wanting to pass?
Everyone falls into a different place on the gender expression spectrum. Some men are happy being able to dress in lingerie in the privacy of their home. It gives them great satisfaction to wear a sexy nightie and walk from the couch to the kitchen for a beer while wearing four inch heels. They only need to “pass” as regular guys when they are with friends and family. There’s no need for them to pass as female while they relax in their lingerie at home.
But, on the gender expression spectrum there are those with the urge to do more. Just watching TV and sleeping in a sexy baby doll nightie isn’t enough. They want to go further. Still in the privacy of their home they begin to experiment with creating a more complete femme illusion. Makeup, wigs, breast prostheses, all contribute to making the crossdresser more complete in their female image. The desire to make “her” look, and act, really feminine is another reason crossdressers want to pass. “She” is somewhat of an “art project.” A female version of their being that brings the satisfaction of achievement when the crossdresser looks in the mirror, or at photos, and sees his creation in her hottest outfit.
The next logical step is taking her out of the house. Going out in public as a woman and being accepted as such by those you interact with is powerful validation that you’re doing a good job with your presentation. Being called “miss” or “ma’am” just feels good. Being “one of the girls” at a happy hour or being a “lady who lunches” while out and about shopping for more feminine attire is a pleasure those who have no crossdressing desire will never understand. Because they don’t feel the urge to create and live with a different gender expression they can’t figure out why we do it. Which brings us back to the first reason for wanting to pass. If they think you’re a lady and treat you like one they won’t get perplexed or angry.
Most people don’t get beyond perplexed. I have been dressing up and going out in public for years and while I have been told, and feel, that I do a good job of passing, there is no way every CD will pass all the time. At some point someone will pick up on a subtle clue that the woman they are seeing is not what she seems. The vast majority of people who notice you will not say anything and cause no trouble. Only the close-minded ignorant ones will be rude or get nasty.
What lessons have I learned? Be confident. Do your best in picking your outfit, doing your makeup and having a flattering hairstyle. Go where you want and be proud that you can be seen as an attractive woman — but never let anyone make you feel ashamed or embarrassed that they have detected the male artist under his feminine creation. We are who we are and we have feelings and desires that those without those feelings and desires cannot fathom. Don’t be bothered by anything except the threat of physical violence. Guard against that, but enjoy your creation. Someday we may achieve a world where gay people are totally accepted and a man can come home from work looking male, then leave the house a few hours later for a night of fun at a nightclub and not have his neighbors wonder what’s up. They’ll be able to say, “Hope Dave has fun tonight as Diane. He’s looking pretty hot.” That will be when we have achieved the perfect world and passing won’t be necessary for protective camouflage.
Category: Transgender Opinion
About the Author (Author Profile)
Angela Gardner is a founding member of The Renaissance Transgender Assoc., Inc., former editor of its newsletter and magazine, Transgender Community News. She was the Diva of Dish for TGF in the late 1990s and Editor of LadyLike magazine until its untimely demise. She has appeared in film and television shows portraying TG characters, as well as representing Renaissance on numerous talk shows.Subscribe
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Loved this article. As a senior Trans-woman, I sometimes forget how uncomfortable it was on my early excursions out of of the house. With trial and much error, we eventually become more comfortable, not only in dressing but presenting as female. Attention to detail, especially with regard to appearance, is something (most) genetic females learn early, not to mention being encouraged and trained along the way, while those who crossdress, or transition, get a late start and little or no help or even ridicule. Physical characteristics are important, but so is attitude, and self confidence. I can’t remember at what point I began thinking of my self “As” Carla, instead of looking like Carla, but for me, it was giving my myself permission to be “Me” even if sometimes there were giggles and unkind remarks. I have been truly surprised to find how many people have been open to hearing my story, having never exposed to this phenomenon, but then again I’ve had my share of unpleasant incidents too.
Each of us is on a different journey, having to find our own way, but maybe as more of us succeed, we open the door of acceptance a little wider.
Right on. A very good article right to and including the last paragraph. I think everyone can identify spots on this continuum where we area or have been.
As I wrote in one of my first articles in TGForum back in the 1990’s it is not so important that we ‘pass’ when out in public as it is that we do not offend others with our looks.