How Claire Got Her Groove Back
I’m pretty optimistic person by nature. For me, the glass is almost always half-full.
But last month, the glass suddenly emptied out. It was a chain of events that ripped off my protective scar tissue and sent me into an emotional tailspin. I have several Facebook pages; one of them is called “Claire’s Corner,” and I’ve got both transgender friends and other friends and allies who want to learn about what it means to be a transgender person.
I shared a panel from Assigned Male Comics showing a family on a couch. The parents were laughing uproariously, while the child was shrinking into theirself. The caption said something like, “Every time you laugh at a ‘man in a dress,’ you force a trans child further into the closet.”
A friend asked if I had ever seen a Netflix documentary, Disclosure, which examines the portrayal of transgender people in film and television. I decided to watch. It’s exceptionally well done, but that’s why it got to me so deeply. All those situation comedies where being transgender was played for cheap laughs. All those movies like Silence of the Lambs where the bad guy turned out to be killing and skinning women to make a “girl suit.”
It was a heavy blow. Suddenly all the decades of shame and feelings of being a freak came rushing back, and oh, it was painful. That dark tunnel led me down another bleak path, the path of regret. Even through I recognized that I was different by age five, I spent decades coming up with excuses not to transition. Finally, at age 58, I ran out of excuses, and I’ll soon be coming up on my third anniversary of living my authentic life.
Most of the time I’m really joyful about this; a sign on my wall says, “It’s never too late to live happily after.” That emotional bulwark gave way, and for about two weeks I was consumed with regret over not having transitioned 10, 20, or 30 years ago.
A lot of things helped me pull myself out of this. Extra sessions with my therapist. Support of family and friends. Some triumphs, both personal and professional.
When I posted about this on my Facebook page, I mentioned all of these things, and added something else that was a boost: frequent listens of my personal anthem: Helen Reddy’s I Am Woman.
Yes indeed, I am strong. I am invincible. I am woman.
Like to make a comment? Login here and use the comment area below.
Category: Transgender Body & Soul
About the Author (Author Profile)
Claire Hall was born and grew up in a large city on the left coast and has spent most of her adult years in a beautiful small coastal community where she's now an elected official in local government after spending many years as a newspaper and radio reporter. In her space time she loves reading, writing fiction (her first novel was published by a regional press a couple of years ago), watching classic Hollywood movies, and walking.Subscribe
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive more just like it.
