Hail September

Summer cools to autumn in September, and we wear different clothes for the change in season: Longer skirts and fall colors. Leaves change and eventually fall, and the wind blows them to new graves. And in many people’s jobs, it’s already Christmas. Four months of Jingle Bells and Silent Nights and HoHoHo and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.

In a previous job, our biggest month of the sales year was, by far, September. More than a fourth of our income was this month alone. Why? This was the month we supplied retailers with our product for Christmas. The idea was they stock up now so people could see stuff and make Christmas lists and get all their shopping done early. We gave the retailers really attractive terms for them to buy a lot. And they did. It was REALLY busy. And that was good for business.

What wasn’t good was the Christmas tree in the corner that management set up, or the Christmas music they played. Or the exhortations to “Cheer up! It’s Christmas!”

Christmas in September. With the added pressure of make those sales goals OR ELSE! Ever see Glengarry Glenross? Yeah. Like that. But put Alex Baldwin in a Santa hat.

Before that, I worked at a bar/restaurant in a major mall. Christmas decorations went up November 1. Seems late now, doesn’t it? But as the season wore on, the canned Christmas music, the really grumpy customers, and the really bad traffic really frayed people’s nerves. Tis the season to be angry.

Now I work retail. Christmas magazines are already on the stands. Soon the store will be ready for Christmas. By soon I mean by mid September. October we’ll start playing Christmas music for three whole months. My halls will have the fa-la-la-la-las decked clean away.

People wonder why the magic of Christmas doesn’t penetrate my two sizes too small heart. What holiday could possibly bring my grinchie heart joy? That’s easy: Halloween.

Halloween is my second birthday. Halloween had always been might night of escape from my life. I love the parties, the macabre decorations (yes I’m weird that way), and the fun of it all. It was on Halloween that I rediscovered myself — that I walked out my door for the first time ever in a skirt. That I went out in public, and to a bar, and realized that all those years of denying myself were a fool’s errand. I was. . . well I think you know by now.

Birthdays remind us (usually) of better times. Remember parties and balloons and games? Now for many they are a reminder of advancing age and the deepening lines on our faces. Another step closer to the grave and all. There IS a benefit to having a “second birthday”: THIS birthday means I get better at being a woman, not just getting older like my biological birthday. And maybe, just maybe, a step closer to fulfilling those Dreams.

But aren’t Dreams what Christmas is supposed to be about as well? We celebrate this religious holiday and dream that we, as a people, can be better — can be worthy of the Gift of God’s child. We dream that there can be Peace on Earth and Good Will toward Men. We dream that we can live the life we choose peacefully and happily.

Halloween dreams are different. We dream of good times, and of letting out our inner selves. As a fall festival, we dream of a “good harvest” and hope that the coming winter won’t be bleak, miserable, and full of want. Oh wait- Christmas is in winter. Isn’t that supposed to be a celebration of joy and abundance? Maybe someone ought to get their story straight somewhere. Jack Skellington should sit down and negotiate this thing with Santa. Make sure Judah Macabee has a seat saved as well, and tell him to bring extra menorahs. Invite the Easter bunny too. Oh and a leprechaun so they can have some whiskey, and Cupid just to make things interesting. All Holidays — and we all wish people happiness on them, and we dream of it for ourselves.

So now it’s September, and all I can hear in my head are Christmas songs and feel the pressure to succeed and sell, Sell, SELL at all costs. I always feel this way in September now, even all these years later. That’s why I try to plan Halloween while it’s still September to kinda counter that. The Christmas Blues: September Style.

Oh, my biological birthday? It’s in September as well.

Fuck September.

We don’t need holidays to dream. We can do that anytime. And as the Doctor said: Don’t dream it — be it.

Tags: featured, holidays

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion