First Kiss

Back in the 1990s, TGForum was more interactive. The bulletin board bristled with challenges and responses. One was: describe your first kiss as a woman. Below is my response. What’s yours?

First Kiss?

Me? How old was I? Old. Probably 28 or 29, maybe 30. I was long passed the time when the clothes were an end in themselves; and being Cassie in the world, in public, was the wonderful pleasure. I had long since decided that I wasn’t a transsexual, but that the occasional woman that was Cassie was quite entirely a woman during those occasions. But, it wasn’t until then, the first time that she, that is I, was kissed as a woman by a man that I realized how quite entirely that entirely was.

Until that kiss, I considered myself comfortably heterosexual. I was studiously not homophobic; but I just couldn’t imagine a romance and a physical relationship with a man to be of interest.

Until that kiss.

He was a trim, good-looking man in jeans and a button-down shirt, long-sleeved, but with the cuffs turned up a couple of folds, maybe ten years older than me, smart, funny, and sweet from the first words. He bought me a drink. I knew he knew from the first, if for no other reason than the club in which we met.

We wound up that very first night talking for a very long time, alone together at a quiet table. We got up to dance several times. But mostly we just talked.

Then, suddenly, towards the end of the evening, during a sweet, slow dance in a shadowy part of the dance floor, it happened. The first kiss was actually more a nuzzle than a kiss, an extended nuzzle at the place where my neck met my shoulder, right there on the shadowy dance floor. The power of my instantaneous reaction if not quite shocked, then definitely surprised me; it was so immediately, so completely feminine, so natural, so total, so hotttttt! I all but melted into his arms on the dance floor.

It was, by far, the most absolutely female I had ever felt to that moment.

I had felt particularly pretty that night from the time I had left with my friends to go out. (I think to this day that the dress I was wearing that night will be my favorite of all time. I have it somewhere still, I think.)

I think, unlike a man, a woman’s sense of her own attractiveness at a given moment is very important to her own sexual response, so I believe that the lucky coincidence of my feeling good about myself and the way I looked that night had a lot to do with my own reaction to this man’s obvious interest in me as a woman, the kind of interest a man is anticipated to have in a woman, made it seem only as it should be, only natural.

The real kiss was a little while later that same evening, under the stars, in a little park about a half block from the club.

As Regina Leigh posted on this topic, being held instead of holding. Being kissed instead of kissing. Wow!

A warm summer evening, in my pretty off-the-shoulder dress and wedge sandals, enveloped in the arms of a man, a man a decade older than me, physically much bigger, gentle but strong, his arms around me, my eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of his soft lips sliding over my lip gloss, then settling into a quiet moment of incredible intimacy, the sensation of my breasts caught between us, flattened against his solid chest; and through the soft folds of my skirt, the bulk of his thigh feeling warm and strong pressed against the inside of my own right thigh: years later the memory of that kiss and that hug and those quiet whispers against my ear still makes me breathe in short shallow gulps as I type this.

The first kiss. The first kiss. Is there anything quite like it? Well, there is, but, as Roberta said in her reaction to this topic, that’s another story.

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Cheryl Ann Sanders was a frequent contributor to Transgender Forum in the past. She has been absent for several years while writing and publishing a (quite successful) straight novel under another name.

Many also know her TG novel A Woman’s  Passion written under the name Alan Barrie. It was at one time the bestselling TG novel of all times. Although more than 15 years old, it still sells in dribs and drabs on Amazon. Still others remember her essay that appeared here several years ago: …And What I Wore. An “occasional woman” at that time, this was a memoir of a weekend she actually spent as a woman with a man in New York City. That memoir can still be found in our archives. Unfortunately, the photographs that illustrate that archived version have been lost. A safe PDF version with its photographs still intact is available for download here. Cassie can be reached via email.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, sexuality, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fun & Entertainment