Finding and Embracing the Woman in You

One of the things I am now being told by those who follow me is that I appear to be more feminine and confident in 2013 than any other time.

I never knew I was more feminine till it was brought to my attention by several people so instead of a video today I will try to write this giving some details of how I go to where I am at today and give some keys that should help others on this journey.

How I Discovered Myself

I entered into being me through an innocent accident — and as some say — it was the trigger to begin this journey. The “accident” was when I was asked to try on a dress that needed to be adjusted for a family member who (at that time) was the same size as me.

Early Season

I have been online since the early 2000s as a person viewing dressing from the outside and I was still in that in the “house phase,” or as some would say, early crossdressing phase. During that time just looking at all the ladies who where out in the world having fun made me want to do the same so I set myself on a journey to make it happen. I will spare you all the stories of how I thought I was looking good and now, looking back, I was a mess! I had a wig that I had from my high school years and the clothing was, well should I say not even close to being current. However, with all that I did not care! All that mattered was me getting a chance to crossdress and I loved everything that went with that phase.

Going Out

After getting bored with staying in the house, a.k.a. crossdressing phase. I had to find a way to begin to enjoy life. But the urge to go out was so strong and I had to see and feel what it was like to be “dressed as a woman” as I called it back than. So I started going out late night shopping at 24 hour stores just to feel what it was like. I did get “sir” a lot, felt hurt each time and went to my car a few times, took everything off and went home. It got to the point that when I was going out I even saw people driving by as I was driving my car point and say “thats a man!” Again I felt hurt so it was time to reinvent myself.

I began looking online for support groups and found one that was far enough from my home that I would feel comfortable about going. I met with the person who pre-meets and I was told “your wig looks like a dead rat on your head!” That was after I said it was not my hair! Mind you the wig had been mistreated by a teen (me) who was trying to find out who they were!

Ater the pre-meeting and being told about my wig I set out to fix that problem by the first meeting and I made it happen. Also at that time I was depending on cast offs so for the meeting I figured out my size and bought a green top that I fell in love with and it worked great with the skirt I found. To say I felt good to be getting out during the day! Now back then I would never have shopped in “drag.”

I will say it was a successful meeting and I was later told as I began to get better in my presentation a woman told me that I could pass as her twin!.

I remember one person that was key for me — and back then I was seeing the ladies on AOL! I was at that time a strong fan of Classy Kellie and I read all her journeys and even projected that she would transition because she was able with the permission of her then wife to go out on dates with a good male friend. So I was just so amazed when she stated that she did not dress till the time her wife suggested she do so. Time went on and yes she did transition and according to the site after her wife had left she would share photos of her car and motorcycle and began asking for funds to keep her site going so I began corresponding with her for a brief moment and then it was reported that she was killed while riding her  motorcycle.

Becoming a Student

At some point going out I began looking at things I needed to improve on and — enter digital cameras! I began to take photos of key areas to find ways to improve. I took side profiles, face with flash on and with video mode to capture walking. Through that I could see things I did not like. Then I searched the web and found videos demonstrating feminine deportment and did practice a bit with them — with a major caveat! They where teaching more of a older walking style that some women have. However the vast majority of women walk anywhere from truck driver to elegant. My plan was through my studies to find the  middle. Which I did.

One of the other things I wanted to learn was voice, so again I found videos and decided to see what worked comfortably for my size, which how I have developed a nice voice today.

So, for me, in this short segment I became a student on everything women do from dressing, to mannerisms ,I studied everything.

Reinvention

Now I had all the knowledge I needed and it was time to present the reinvented me to the world and when I did I think I shocked many at how I changed over night. I was still going out at night for awhile till I discovered that men where now looking at me as a man looks at a woman! So I moved my outing times from 3 a.m. till 9 a.m. and it worked and I kept on that schedule for quite a while. It was one outing, I think in 2012, that began the next reinvention phase with words I cannot ever forget. “Sis, stay close to Jesus.” It was from a man walking out of Kroger and from that day I knew I no longer had to stick to the early schedule. I began to notice that I passed. In that period I also started thinking of myself as a woman and nothing more and in the community I began to adopt the transgender woman identity to the point…. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I pretty much consider myself as a pre-transsexual woman however I am not out to my family and I cannot transition though I want to but the losses out way the benefits!

How I Embraced the Woman I Am

Here are the keys to how I embraced the woman I am today and it is quite simple and not long at all! I set GOALS! Yes goals. I worked on every element that was holding me back and searched for ways to conquer each one of those fears and now today I can pretty much with wisdom be me at any time of the day.

The the main key again — set goals.

Me Today

Wow, what can I say about me today other than I identify more and more now as a woman and because of situations at home I am not able to bring this part of me out to the family. The best part is being able to share this side of me with those who know me personally and those who I have spoke to on the phone. 2013 was the year I grew more than ever and even I notice the changes in many areas of my life. I have pretty much created a parallel life, as one of my friends said to me, that is a totally different life as a woman, which is true. As a women everything is the same as with any other woman and I have the same desires crop up — to be a wife, mother — and everything a woman has. I will say that as a woman I am proud to represent ALL women as well as the TRANS-WOMEN and I hope I am doing well by all of you. I attend church now as a woman in Toledo, Ohio and I am only known as a woman to many and I enjoy this part of me.

I often feel I am 100% woman and I often find myself complaining about how if a man had to wear heels he would make sure no cracks were in any walkways!

I hope I did not ramble however I wanted to submit this for every one that is new on this journey and those moving forward. I have seen plenty of ladies go the same way as me and today they are very much women. Just keep practicing and use the tools and tips as guidelines because each one of us is different and the results will only appear as fast as you want them to.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, Identity, Transgender, Transition

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Opinion