Feminine Is Fun

I can still remember the first time I openly expressed an interest in crossing the gender line. One afternoon after school, when I was about six years old, I walked into the kitchen, where my mom happened to be painting my sister’s fingernails. Of course I knew this was an activity for girls, and that had never previously interested me.

But actually watching nail polish be applied made it look fun, and I suddenly asked my mom if she would paint mine also. Eventually she did, and I recall being very pleased with the results, even going to school the next day with painted nails. I received my share of puzzled looks, to be sure–but no hazing or harassment of any kind. (This was the anything-goes middle 1970s, after all–“Free to be you and me”; “I’m okay, you’re okay”; etc.)

That I still recall this incident demonstrates that it is a happy memory of a fun activity. No doubt I made a positive mental note at the time, and it wasn’t too much longer afterward that I developed an increasing–if hidden–interest in other female activities, hobbies, fashions, etc. But my life story will have to wait for the very unlikely day when that subject is of any interest to a large audience.

Out and about.

We all want to enjoy what we do in life. Most TGForum readers were drawn to female things early, for whatever reasons. We recognize the value, worth and appeal in feminine items, activities and processes. We have often pretended otherwise, and may be embarrassed and secretive about it, but we truly and genuinely enjoy it all.

There is no shame in acknowledging that we enjoy making a feminine presentation, any more than it would be for a woman to embrace historically masculine activities or looks. When I was in high school, my football teammates and I would ask our girlfriends to wear our jerseys to school for pep rallies, and on game days. And the girls happily did so–they were showing their loyalty and support for us. (Of course, it was also a status symbol for them to be publicly seen wearing a football player’s jersey.) The key point is that–as always–context matters.

While life is obviously not all about having fun (Exhibit A: 2020), one should still aspire do what one enjoys, grounded in a behaviorally appropriate way and a publicly appropriate setting. There are plenty of ways to safely sample the joys of femininity that life offers, even on a limited basis. One has to crawl before one walks, as the saying goes. Or one of my own favorites from G.K. Chesterton: “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”

A local public garden was one of the first places I began to go openly when I started coming out. Its beautiful surroundings were a pleasure to see throughout the spring and summer. I knew I would be able to keep a safe distance from others, since I was still worried about being recognized. Occasionally I chatted with other visitors. No one was ever rude to me. These visits ultimately inspired me to offer my time and service helping to coordinate the floral arrangements at my church, which includes the incredible privilege of working with brides to assist with their wedding flowers.

Chanticleer Garden (2019)

Are you a member–even if inactive–of a religious congregation? Worship is one venue where dressing nicely is still encouraged and valued. Consider attending a service one morning, wearing a pretty dress in an appropriate style. (I have occasionally attended very traditional liturgies, at which I even sported a classic lace mantilla.) The focus will not be on you, so you will be able to relax. Participate quietly, and smile at people if and when they make eye contact. Be attentive and listen to the sermon. Perhaps you will find someone to talk to afterward; if not, know that God is pleased when you spend time with Him. And if you felt comfortable and comforted, then give thought to a return visit.

Helena, Montana (2018)

There are also bookstores. They are quiet and open, and the focus is on the books–not you. Browse the shelves, find something you like, and sample it for a few minutes. You should be able to find a quiet seat with good sight lines, allowing you to occasionally scan the room and observe just how little curiosity you actually generate in public. (Plus you can give your eyeballs a break from electronic screens, and rediscover your attention span!)

A salon is an ideal place to enjoy controlled feminine immersion, where you can seek out professional advice and encouragement. When I was ready to begin growing my hair out in 2016, my stylist capably crafted a bob style for me that was perfectly appropriate for that period in my life when I was not yet full time. I took the opportunity to learn more about makeup during other visits. And once a year, after a full salon treatment, I would go sit for a studio portrait series, to keep as a memento and to share the results with select girlfriends. One cannot help but have fun when interacting with women who recognize and appreciate the effort you are making, as well as the great respect you are implicitly paying them.

Studio portrait (2017)

Weekend trips so immersed can be a fabulous experience. During the 2010s I made such getaways to West Point, Richmond, and the Chesapeake Bay. I lodged, shopped, dined and toured rural and traditional places and venues without incident; learned how to pack properly; interacted with hotel staff and guests; made new acquaintances; and was completely relaxed in public. By 2019, I felt confident enough to visit a girlfriend on Florida’s Gulf Coast for five days and four nights, which obviously meant handling airport security and airline flights. It was the longest continuously feminine experience I had then enjoyed. Everything was a resounding success, and we both had a great time together.

Gulfport, Florida (2019)

I admit it freely and openly. Having nicely styled longer hair is fun. Wearing pretty clothes and sparkly accessories is fun. Applying makeup and scent is fun. Feeling the summer sun on my bare shoulders and legs is fun. Being smiled at, complimented on my appearance, and respectfully chatted up in public by total strangers is fun. When doors are held open for me, paths are cleared for me, and drivers give me right of way as a pedestrian, that is fun. Seeing the women in my personal and professional life open up to me, and treat me like one of the girls, is fun.

Before I came out, I was basically in a midway state. I was a guy that had grown out of liking the typical guy things (those that I ever did). I longed to enjoy a girl’s life and activities, but I wasn’t a girl. Most of the time I found myself going through the motions, with my heart and mind out of synch. Daily life was certainly not unhappy, but it was listless and joyless. It often seemed more like existing than living.

But as I began to sample feminine activities, life immediately became more pleasant. I finally had the outlets for what I enjoyed, and gained the confidence needed to express this in public with increasing frequency. The more I did so, the more joyful I became. Existing gave way to living. I can state from personal experience that people respond quite favorably to upbeat, engaging individuals in their midst, regardless of their background.

Life is short and unpredictable. Try to do things that are fun! Be safe and smart, show self-restraint, and go at your own pace. But make certain to let the people around you see the joy you radiate when doing what you love. That is the whole point of all this, and it is the best impression you can possibly make.

Like to make a comment? Login here and use the comment area below.

Tags: featured, opinion, Out & About, passing, Transgender

Category: Out & About, Transgender Opinion