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Does Clothing Make the (Wo)Man?

The Editor | Jul 13, 2020

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Julie Freeman was a significant other who was active in the gender community in the 1990s, particularly with significant others and couples groups. This article appeared on TGForum in 1996.

From early childhood on, we were told that appearance was important. That how you dressed could help to determine your success in life. Perhaps that is why when we became teenagers, it was so important to look like everyone else. There was a fear that if we looked different, we would not only not be accepted, but we also would invite ridicule and scorn. Just take a walk around your local high school and notice how alike everyone looks, especially the girls. It seems that the female of the species particularly fears becoming an outcast.

It must be exceeding difficult for teenagers who wish to crossdress. Not only are they at their most vulnerable with their peers, but they probably lack the knowledge to understand why they wish to crossdress and fearing becoming ostracized retreat well into the closet.

Perhaps that is why so many crossdressers do not really venture forth until well after those vulnerable years have passed. It takes confidence and knowledge to step out and that comes with time.

Not yet ready to take on society or on a more personal level, the local shopping mall, the crossdresser may resort to an occasional sprint into his wife’s closet or dresser drawers when she is otherwise occupied. This can go on for years without the wife’s knowledge, but who may wonder occasionally why a particular item is missing or out of place.

When crossdressers becomes bolder and tell their partners about the crossdressing, they may then reveal use of her clothes. Their partners, of course, will react differently. Some, who may be accepting of the crossdressing, are intolerant when it comes to sharing clothes. They view his use of their clothing as an invasion of privacy. The crossdresser should realize this and understand. Hopefully, these wives and significant others will come to realize and understand why the crossdresser will then need to create his own wardrobe.

In other situations the wife may be willing to share her clothes, but a different wardrobe will become necessary when the crossdresser and his wife are simply not the same size. In only a very few situations will both the crossdresser and his wife be the same size. If the wife does not mind sharing with her husband, then a myriad of potentially interesting circumstances can arise. It may range from simply being a question of “Who wears the pink sweater tonight?” to a more difficult situation – “Who gets to buy a new gown for the Cotillion?” In cases like this, a sense of humor definitely helps: for example, when an outfit one has planned to wear to work is unavailable because guess who wore it the night before.

At times, wives and partners can get very possessive; they have some articles of clothing and makeup that they simply do not want to share, and they have that right. Likewise an outfit that a crossdresser particularly enjoys may be one he does not wish to share either.

As with any issue to do with crossdressing, communication and compromise become necessary. Look at it from a positive standpoint! Being able to share each others’ clothing also means that both in effect have doubled their wardrobe!

This article originally appeared in Devil Woman, the newsletter of the Diablo Valley Girls.