Discovery of Lesbians

For many years I was concerned about my gender but did not pay much attention to my sexual orientation until I received a fateful invitation. I had been married to females, after all. I had read the science and received blunt warnings saying that no one wants to date transgender people, especially lesbians. The invitation in question gave me hope and now I find myself engaged to be married to a natal female lesbian!

From an early age, I knew that I was a trans woman but I pretended to be a he-man masculine male. I pursued football, the military and masculine behaviors. I even officiated football for 14 years (while enjoying wearing knickers). I dated women and went to dances with women. Outwardly, I was the perfect cisgender male but inside I felt that the women I dated and married were somehow sisters, rather than male conquests. I kept wondering what it was like to express femininity and learned all I could about woman-tech and transgender science. Eventually, at least one person detected my true gender predisposition.

I was in need for a dignified skirt suit for giving talks at transgender conferences. I had one that I really liked but it was nice, black, and very boring. I wanted something more colorful but in a similar design. I saw a local news program about a woman at Georgia Tech who was designing suits for women that were exciting and yet tasteful. So, I nervously contacted her to see whether she would design suits for transgender people. She said yes, that there was a growing demand for such and she wanted to incorporate it into her business. I took her on a tour of the available feminine clothing in Macy’s and other stores that came near to fitting me and she saw the problem. The suit she designed for me was outstanding. It was a beautiful teal color. She asked me to be a model for her website and I was glad to help her. She got a makeup/hair artist to work on me and a professional photographer for my one-day modeling career.

Shortly thereafter, the suit designer called me and asked me whether I was going to the “Lesbians Who Tech” meeting the next night. I told her that I had never been and was concerned whether they would allow transgender women to attend and she said “Well, you are a lesbian, aren’t you?” I thought for a moment and said, “I guess . . . so . . .” In that instant, I realized that nothing had changed about being attracted to females after my transition. I had consistently rejected the idea of having relations with males. I had seen naked males in locker rooms for many years and never had a twinge of interest. I was amazed that she saw me as a lesbian.

So, after my wife passed away, I joined several lesbian groups and eventually went online to lesbian dating sites. At first, I did not receive much interest but I kept looking, and as the saying in Hallmark movies goes “It only takes one.” (Yes, I confess that I am an inveterate viewer of The Good Witch series and love Lacey Chabert, Bethany Joy Lenz, Bridget Regan, and Ashley Williams on Hallmark.)

From surveys, it sure seems like the deck is stacked against transgender dating. A Canadian study in 2018 indicated that only 1.8% of straight women and 3.3% of straight men would date a transgender person. That sounds pretty bleak but, more encouragingly, 29% of cisgender lesbians, 11.5% of cisgender male homosexuals and 52% of bisexual/queer/nonbinary said they would date transgender people. Although in total, GLBQ people probably only amount to something less than 6% of people. That survey probably underestimated the percentages because it pitted other categories against transgender people in a multiple choice question.

But the 29% of lesbians statistic was actually encouraging to me. All I can read and hear about are the transgender exclusionary radical feminists (TERF) who influence lesbians who want to pursue feminism. They make a lot of noise and have even recruited J.K. Rowling to their side. They say that they are just trying to point out that sex matters (and not gender). But of course, they conflate the two when talking about “women” using restrooms and locker rooms, implying that trans women are not real women. They make the ludicrous argument that females somehow need special protection from transgender women.

Dating transgender people has been politicized between competing “woke”, left radical political groups Some urge lesbians to date transgender people lest they be considered to be “transphobic.” While others, the TERFs, condemn any lesbians dating transgender women, saying that it encourages sexual violence against females. They condemn dissemination of information about how to date transgender people including Planned Parenthood seminars and websites such as here and here.

My take on all this politicization is that people form successful relationships because they mutually like each other and respond to the others’ bodies. With regard to philosophy, the virtues one seeks in a prospective partner are those that we value. If those are in place and there is sexual attraction, most everything can be worked out. Politicization just gets in the way.

To continue my story in a lighter vein, after I got my excellent skirt suit, I was invited to go with several lesbians to the last lesbian bar in Atlanta, My Sister’s Room. Lesbian bars were initially started because many lesbians preferred to be crossdressed in men’s clothing and the bars provided a relative safe haven from police enforcement of crossdressing laws. Later, they fostered relationships and lesbian culture. I learned that there has been a noticeable decline in lesbian bars in the U.S. but they are still around.

Within minutes, I noticed three things about lesbians at the bar. First, lesbians seemed to like to show off their boobs at night. During the daytime, all that flannel gets in the way. I was certainly okay with that and was sorry that I had dressed demurely. Second, they drank shots—lots of shots. I suddenly I realized that I had not drunk whiskey since college, some 40 years previously. I ordered a Jim Beam from the very young female bartender and she did not recognize the brand name. “You know-it’s bourbon.” She told me that the only bourbon they had was Maker’s Mark, so it was settled. I got several shots to fit in but I was not sure about consuming so much alcohol on a regular basis. The Third thing I noticed was that the lesbians were constantly touching each other! At one point, I was being touched by 7 hands and two legs from 5 different girls. This never happened to me as a man! I felt like I was being mobbed but on second thought I thought I could get used to that. It was kinda nice.

The Cubbyhole

For my business trips, I scouted out the lesbian bars in other cities. In New York it’s the Cubby Hole and Henrietta Hudson. In DC it is Phase 1 and a League of Her Own; in Seattle Wild Rose and in San Francisco it’s the Lexington Club. In Denver it is Blush and Blu. In Anchorage, of course, it is the Klondyke Bar. Many lesbian bars have closed and the number of lesbian bars has declined from over 200 to about 15. There is even a Lesbian Bar Project to help them resuscitate and survive.

The bars sometimes have periodicals and books intended for single girls drinking coffee or eating by themselves. Not knowing any local girls and being an introvert, I was usually in the single girl category. Two of the books that interested me were Daughters of Darkness and Rubyfruit Jungle. As detailed in Daughters of Darkness, I learned that all of the modern tales of vampires in which males predominate are actually based on tales of female vampires (e.g. Carmilla) which are, in turn based on Elizabeth Bathory, a real life historical “vampire” of sorts. I also read Rubyfruit Jungle which is Rita Mae Brown’s modern coming-of-age lesbian story.

My education on being a woman is far from complete, as is my education on being a lesbian. But I know enough to have met and successfully courted a wonderful woman. I will have fun while learning more.

The good news is that with some persistence, transgender people can find love and happiness. I know I have.

Tags: dating, featured, lesbians, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul