Culling Your Closet

| Aug 10, 2015
Spread the love

There you stand, contemplating your closet, probably thinking “Hey, something cute, please jump out at me!” You have pawed through every dang hanger on the pole, and even searched the floor underneath it, just in case some sassy frock has fallen to the floor . . . but no, it’s the same cast of Repeat Offenders you rummage through every bloody day.

“How can I have so many clothes and still have nothing to wear?” you whine. Well, today let’s Prune that Closet!

First off, compose a plan — and realize you will need to try things on! So, put on some drawers, a well-fitting bra and have handy several heel-height shoes and a full-length mirror. It’s also nice if you can hornswoggle a kind yet brutally truthful friend to help — if she (or he) says “Eeeuuuuwww, what were you thinking?” then the item probably has to go!

Discarded clothing.

This stuff has gotta go!

Next, arrange several large bags near said closet. There’s the No Way Girl bag — you have gotten over it, it doesn’t fit (and maybe never did), went out of style 12 years ago or you’ve had it ten years and never worn it! You know you have some of these gems — the “after I lose 15 pounds” stuff, the “if I just had a (add accessory you will never find or buy) then this would be fab” jacket, or the things that actually look like hell and always will. These things have got to go.

Now is the time to set up the Consign or eBay Bag — clothing you’re pretty sure you can sell or trade. This bag is not for truly crappy stuff — nothing torn, faded, stained, bedazzled with Fonzie or really awful. The truly awful go into the Goodwill/Trash bag. Be brutal —be brutal!!

Going into the next bag is the Possibly Salvageable Bag — things that a tailor or some really nice person who specializes in altering/re-making your unhappy clothing. This is for dresses, pants and skirts that are too long, really nice jackets whose sleeves are too long or just stupid but may live again. Also destined for the bag are things that could fit again with a wee bit of tinkering; this does not always include things that are too small or too short — there is a limit to what we alteration people can do, as we can’t always invent matching fabrics or extra inches in a garment.

On to the “But I Love this…” category. You do get to keep a very few clothing items that really should get the Bag. Things like my thrift-shop bowling shirt that actually has my mom’s name on it and her place of work, just by coincidence, get to stay. Or a skirt that has beautiful memories associated, like the first dress that you ever wore out in public. You know . . . mushy shite.

So, what do you keep?

1. Things that fit well, and that you love to wear and feel like a damn Queen in!

2. “Serviceable Items” — wardrobe staples, and job/work interview clothing; dark pencil or a-line skirts, well-fitting pants in innocuous colors, a few sedate blazers and dresses or pantsuits, some non-deafening blouses.

Jone in one of her great dresses.

Jone in one of her knockout dresses.

3. Jeans that fit! We all hafta have these. It’s a basic fact of life. Ditto a button-down white blouse. I’m not lying.

4. A few really pretty, knock-out dresses — see Jone Myers on this. And you probably ought to have the ubiquitous LBD, ya know, a semi-fancy little thing that always looks great.

5. Not to be Debby Downer, but we all need a useful funeral outfit — a dress or pantsuit that can be worn to send off the dear and not-so-dearly departed. You know it’s trashy manners to bid adieu to Aunt Mehitabel in Daisy Dukes and a Stars-’n’-Bars T-shirt, and people will not quit shuffling loose the mortal coil, so be prepared.

6. The rest of your wardrobe should just be immediately wearable, have accessories that will accompany the clothes, that are not stained or have tears, loose threads, missing buttons, or Nixon for President buttons.

I plan to do this in the coming weeks — I’ll let you know how it goes! This system works well if you can just tone down the psychological attachments you have to your past, and as Wayne and Garth say, live in the now!

  • Yum

Spread the love

Tags: , , ,

Category: Style, Transgender Fashion, Transgender How To

The Occasional Woman

About the Author ()

I am a native Californian who has been based in the Philadelphia area since 1984. My first CD fashion creation was a gold lamé dress for the now esteemed editor of this publication. Since then I have made tons of fabulous frocks and other fashion apparel for the crossdressing and transgender community. Contact me for custom clothing or alterations via email: Visit my Facebook page, @alterationsbylorraine

Comments are closed.