Chapter 72 — Subs, Sex, Assumptions

I get messages every week on some of the adult fetish social sites I belong to, mostly from men who say they want to be my sub/slave/servant and worship, adore and serve me. I exchange correspondence with them for a bit to see if they are just some new creep, (most show their colors after a few messages) or serious about the lifestyle.

I’m no prude. I’m an adult and I “Love Sex” but, I’m not in the SMBD/Fetish lifestyle for “Sex.” I make that clear on all my sites opening bios. I allow the public to view all my pictures and video’s and like everything else I live out loud. So, they, (the new subs) express their desire to serve me. Some want to worship my feet, (I love a good foot rub!) Some want to wait on me hand and foot, morning, noon and night (sorry, I don’t need a live in maid) Some just want to hang with me, as an assistant at events. (I do need a camera person.) Anyway, they all talk a good line and I don’t play into any chat that moves towards “sex.” I keep it to my needs and what they are willing to do for me. I also discuss our likes, dislikes and tolerance of pain during play. Once I decide that someone has proven he or she is serious I invite them to attend a play party with me. (Play as in a spanking good time.)

They express excitement as the day gets closer, promising to be a good little slave and make me proud. Then the day of — or minutes before — they either disappear off the map or message me that something more pressing came up, like having their kids for the weekend, or they just got tickets to some sports event.

The term “to serve” means something to me. I have spent years serving mistress’s and masters to learn about the lifestyle, to discover myself, and get beyond my own selfish, lizard mind, to be in a place of helping someone who’s doing something special to help myself. I have been in service to “The Baroness” queen of latex fetish fashion in NYC and the world, for three years. I work for her, but I get paid mostly in “latex” and access to many functions/events in NYC. My gain, is a bit of celebrity, and an exciting life! I help her make spectacular events and fashion shows by being her assistant and roadie, packing and carrying her show accessories to and from the events so she can focus on, “Being The Baroness.” It’s hard, grueling work sometimes and even harder in heels and a latex cat suit or dress!

Sometime to spice up a show, I stand before her and her 10′ bull whip and take a lashing or two or three to amaze and shock the crowd. Some might ask, “Why the hell would you do that?!” Well, I serve The Baroness and that’s what she needs me to do, but when I walk off that stage everyone in the room looks at me with awe, and admiration. Yes, I may serve The Baroness, but I am like a rock star to the crowd and that opens many doors to me when I’m spending time in the “Big Apple.” I have blossomed into a “Dom switch Mistress,” meaning I am mostly a Dom in the fetish community, but enjoy being a sub sometimes to keep the action going (He, he, he.)

So back to the “New Bees.”

I understand that at the midnight hour they might get cold feet thinking, “Gee, I really down know this person “RachelX.” She looks like she’s maybe a bit more real than I thought. I make it clear they will attend a “Play Party” with me and I will test their metal. They have no idea where I am taking them and who else will be there. I went through the same thing when I first stuck my foot in the SMBD ocean, sink or swim. I was lucky enough to be introduced to this community by another Trans-girl I met at one of our TG events who invited me to attend a fetish party where I ended up meeting, and eventually working for, The Baroness. But trolling for someone or some group to hang/play with sight unseen can be a bit dangerous and second thoughts are what help us decide and survive. Taking the leap and doing what your heart wants you to do is frightening and exciting all at once. Sooner or later you are compelled to follow it (Resistance is futile!) and not very healthy. I do what I do because I can’t imagine denying myself a fun life because it may fall outside what most folks would call, “Normal.”

There are sharks in the water, along most of the beaches people swim in every day, but people stick their toes in, then dive away every day, or jump out of perfectly good planes with a sheet to save them from splattering all over the ground, or run with the bulls. Working 9-5, paying bills, and watching a couple hours of TV just doesn’t cut it for someone like me. I live with the philosophy that denying myself anything is what will bring me my demise; old age; the final sleep. It took me a lifetime already to see this. I tried to fit into societies little conforming box and felt older and more tired most of the time. Living out loud and testing my boundaries has given me a new sense of empowerment, confidence, freedom and joy. Not caring what anyone thinks about what I do has lifted the heavy veil from my eyes and I feel younger and emotionally stronger than I ever have. I seem to have an overabundance of energy now, all this from coming to grips with my gender status and finding the SMBD/Fetish community.

By serving others I actually serve myself. Sooner or later my sub will arrive. I’m not waiting though, I’m moving and grooving along.
So far they all have bailed on me at the last hour — their loss. The ones that don’t show get blocked from all further contact with me. I know they are all sitting at their computers trying to convince another mistress or master that they are ready to serve, but they aren’t ready to serve themselves and their desires until they shed the bonds of society’s expectations of them and be themselves completely and out loud. There is nothing to fear once you jump, let go, or as in the Trans community, “come out.” The fetish life has helped me to deal with all I’m going through during my transition. It’s just another test of, “Self.”

I serve . . . myself.

The new hormone patches help also!

Love and respect
Rachel Xaviera

Tags: B&D, BDSM, featured, fetish, fetish scene, latex, S&M

Category: Transgender Body & Soul, Transgender Fetish