Being Trans in the #MeToo Era

| Apr 8, 2019
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Sexual harassment of women has become a major issue in recent years. The revelations around Harvey Weinstein’s actions toward women who needed his approval to continue their acting careers, the polite perversion of Louie CK — who would ask women if it was okay for him to masturbate while they casually chatted — to the photo posing groping that got Al Franken out of the Senate, and the current kerfuffle over Joe Biden’s sometimes unwanted invasions of women’s personal space, all serve to show that women are tired of being treated as sex objects and will speak out when they feel violated. For many, many years women felt they had to put up with the unwanted attentions of men. Particularly in the workplace where men with authority could impose their sexual urges on women who could be fired or demoted if they made any objection. The Mad Men era had some lovely fashions but it also had horny men in management who didn’t always keep their hands to themselves.

In the transgender community, whether you are identifying as a crossdresser or as a trans woman, there is often a desire to be as womanly as one can. Some view this as simply a desire to pass as a woman but for many it goes deeper than that. Being accepted as a woman fills a need within many of us. It is enough for some in the community to dress in a provocative, sexy manner, and not adjust their behavior into a feminine personality. There is nothing wrong with being a “naughty girl” if one’s needs are being met, but for others the move toward a more subtle feminine personality comes from a desire to be treated as a woman by everyone they interact with. For some there’s no greater joy than being addressed by some stranger as “miss” or “ma’am.”

And that brings us to the intersection of the roles we adopt as feminine people and #MeToo. How many times have you been treated like a woman in a manner you did not enjoy? By adopting a feminine role we leave ourselves open to both the good and bad ways in which society treats women. Let me lead the way in what will hopefully become a discussion among TGF users and tell some of my #MeToo incidents.

At a gay dance club back in the early ’90s I was with a group of other trans ladies. We noticed that one man on the other side of the dance floor was checking us out. I decided to show one of my friends, who was shy and felt nervous getting any attention from men, how easy men were to influence. I said “Watch this,” looked over at our admirer and gave him a smile. Boom! In less that 3 seconds he was in front of me saying hello and asking if I’d like to dance. When we got on the floor he was cool at first but as the song played he began to touch me by putting his hands on my waist. Then one of them wandered north and found a resting place on the side of my breast. I removed it. Dance over. I had successfully demonstrated how easy it was to get a guy but then  had to demonstrate how to dump him quickly. I wouldn’t mind the hand of someone I knew and liked touching me that way. This guy was a stranger who felt that my smiling at him and then accepting his invitation to dance entitled him to paw me. In the 1940s doing that would have gotten him slapped and called “Fresh!”

Another incident at a club happened when I met a guy who engaged in some conversation. He was a social worker, he said, and he played drums in a band. He was reasonably good looking, tall enough that I didn’t tower over him in my high heels, and he took the time to talk and learn some things about me. At one point there seemed to be a mutual interest in “making out” and when he asked if we could go out to sit in his car I knew we weren’t going to be just sitting. In this situation I was interested in seeing what it was like to kiss a man and we started that exploration swiftly. The kissing was pleasant but then things took an odd turn.

To my amazement this guy started spanking my butt. Did I ask for that? No. Decidedly no.  I pushed him away and made him get off of me. Then he had the gall to ask me to get a t-shirt out of his car trunk so he could finish in it by himself. I went back into the club and stuck around for awhile but soon left. The night had lost its luster.

After I got home I got ready for bed but found myself crying and realized that I had not been someone the social worker/drummer was interested in actually knowing. I had been exploited as a sex object. That did not feel good.

Those are just a couple of examples of the #MeToo things I have experienced. Please use the comment area below to share your #MeToo moments while out and about en femme.

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Category: Transgender Opinion


About the Author ()

Angela Gardner is a founding member of The Renaissance Transgender Assoc., Inc., former editor of its newsletter and magazine, Transgender Community News. She was the Diva of Dish for TGF in the late 1990s and Editor of LadyLike magazine until its untimely demise. She has appeared in film and television shows portraying TG characters, as well as representing Renaissance on numerous talk shows.

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