Ask Amanita

Dear Amanita,

How can I stay sane during isolation? 

Penny

Hi Penny,

I can imagine, staying home can make everything even more difficult than it already is. I could imagine that you are away from friends and support that you might usually see, when you are leaving the house, maybe your counseling sessions have been cancelled. Maybe you are home with people who don’t know your truth yet and you feel like you need to hide but also want to be yourself.

If you’re not ready to come out to the people you live with yet, it might help you to have some regular rituals of alone time in your room or on a walk that can help. Wearing feminine clothes under your usual clothes might help. Feeling smooth fabrics on your skin can be a great comfort. Also rituals like shaving legs or painting toe nails can help you feel your femininity and are mostly invisible to people around you. Maybe you can take a moment to write down a few things that usually truly make you feel good and place it somewhere so that you are reminded of doing these regularly. If you feel like this might be the time to come out to a loved one, consider letting them in. Make sure that it is a person who is generally friendly, positive and supportive. 

If you are usually in counseling, the thought of going through this on your own, might be scary. There are many organizations that offer online and phone support as well as transition coaches like me who can offer help and support from a distance. There are the Transgender Lifeline, the Youthline.Ca, Planned Parenthood, Stonewall, Mermaids UK, the National 24 Trans Helpline and Local Trans Organizations. There is GIRES, Imaan (for Muslims who are trans), LGBT Youth Scotland and many more. 

Also, following positive profiles online might be a good idea right now. I can recommend following Amanda Jette Know (a Canadian author, trans activist whose wife and daughter are trans. Also, Dr. Emmy Zje is one of the positive and eloquent lights in the twitter trans universe, as well as Riley J. Dennis whose YouTube videos on trans issues and general politics are often a revelation. Feel free to follow GLAAD, they facilitate a weekly tweet thread on gratefulness, mental health  and positivity that is uplifting, while PinkNews and the “Being LGBTQ”-Podcast offer news and interviews around the rainbow world. I enjoyed being a guest on Sam Wise’s podcast recently and loved speaking about being an ally, relationships, transphobia and coaching. Feel free to follow my Twitter and Facebook account or my account trans_at_school as well. Every now and then we organize a #TransTalk on social media and you are invited to join.

If watching shows is your distraction of choice at the moment, make sure to watch something explicitly trans positive every now and then. I can recommend watching Season 4 of Supergirl with the spectacular Nicole Maines as Dreamer: The first transgender TV series superhero. Equally fabulous is Jaimie Clayton as Nomi in the Watchowski sisters’ Sense8. With two trans women directing and one trans woman playing a leading role, it is not a surprise that Nomi’s love with Amanita is one of the most magical, delightful love stories I have ever seen and that inspired my coaching name. For a shorter time commitment and many tears, watch the heartbreaking video A soldier comes home uploaded to YouTube by Kirill Maryin. Feeling young and like comics? She-Ra has a non-binary character, whose voice is performed by Jacob Tobia.

Speaking of Jacob Tobia: Their book Sissy is a top tip in books for me. They describe their non-binary coming of age story with all ups and downs. Also enlightening: Juno Dawson’s The Gender Games that I hope you have all devoured and want to re-read while at home. A beautiful story of love and compassion is Amanda Jette Knox’s Love Lives Here (the story of their family during the time of her daughter’s and wife’s coming out). A very intelligent, philosophical read is Rachel Anne William’s Transgressive and if you feel like pure affirmations, positivity and pretty rainbow pictures, allow me to recommend A Love Letter. To You by Lia Lovelace that I co-authored.

While you’re at home: Try to be good to yourself. And if that is difficult: Talk to people who will remind you that you are worth self-care and self-compassion. Whether they are online, offline, friends or professionals: There is someone you can get in touch with, have a video chat or go for a walk with.

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Tags: featured, opinion, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul