Ask Amanita

TGForum was contacted recently by a cis woman who is married to trans woman. Her name is Amanita and she is a counselor, who after meeting her partner, has specialized in counseling for trans people and their partners. Today she answers a question submitted by Felicita in her Ask Amanita column.

Felicitas asks:

“Why do I wish to be a woman? Every time I wear women’s clothes, I am so comfortable and I feel so at home. I really wish I could be loved as a woman. Why do I feel that way?”

Amanita says:

Dear Felicitas,

Your question makes me want to apologize to you. I’d like to apologize for the world that we live in. From your birth on this world has told you that you are not a girl, not a female teenager, not a woman. Over and over it has told you that anatomy determines gender and that there is no way around it. Therefore, it is difficult for you and for probably dozens of millions of others worldwide to see who you truly are, to believe your feelings and the signals from inside your soul and your inner compass.

Even though the word “woman” makes you happy, clothes that are called “women’s clothes” make you feel like you are right, seeing yourself as female makes you feel at home, you seem to think that you can’t trust that who you wish to be is who you are. Over the last weeks I have read hundreds of messages like yours. So many girls and women who don’t trust themselves because they think it can’t be true that they are women, that they are trans, and that there is nothing wrong with them. Instead, everything is wrong with a world that tries to tell you or suggest to you in novels and movies and even biology books and schools and sex ed classes that you are mistaken, that your identity is a fetish, a failure, or a mental health concern.

I want to assure you that NOTHING is wrong with you. You don’t “wish to be a woman” because you are “looking for attention” or because “your father was away often when you were a child” or because you “watched to many cartoons” or you  “want to be in women’s bathrooms” – all these narratives have been told to you falsely! You “wish to be a woman” because you ARE a woman. It is difficult to see, when society is stubborn about their gender messages. But from the bottom of my heart I want to tell you that you ARE a woman. The rule that a certain body belongs to a certain gender is just not true.

Now, there will be some people who tell you that you are only a woman on the inside and that your body is wrong and you’ll only be a woman after altering your body (if at all). That – also – isn’t true, although I understand why some women might feel that way; it also comes from our upbringing. I’m not saying that you “have to” love and accept your body. In this world, that tells you that your body is the reason that you can’t be who you really are, it is difficult to love and embrace your body. You are allowed to accept all the help that you can get and that might make you happy or happier in your body. You are allowed to find your ideal you. Nevertheless, at all stages, I hope you know that you already are who you wish to be. And that you are worth selfcare and love, protection and embrace no matter the look of your outside.

What would you like to Ask Amanita? Send your question directly to her or login and and ask it in the comment area below.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, opinion, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul