And now . . . the rest of the story.

So, there I was, locked in the bathroom, wearing someone else’s blue eyeshadow, and wearing it wrong. And I hear my friend Renee let herself inside the house, and holler for me.

I could have pretended I wasn’t home. I could have said I was taking a bath, or something. But, I didn’t. I hollered back, and told her where I was. When she came to the door, I warned her. I had a secret to share.

Why? Why do we come out? Why do we allow ourselves to be caught? Loneliness is a terrible thing to bear. And I was tired of hiding my secret from my close friends. Oh, a handful of guy friends already knew, but while they weren’t scared away, they weren’t really supportive either. I had told some girlfriends, and while they weren’t disapproving, they weren’t helpful either.

So, here, the opportunity to open up to someone else presented itself. And maybe this time, it would be different. Maybe this time, she’d teach me how to do makeup. Maybe this time, this friend would go shopping with me, and encourage me.

Well, long story short, when she saw my eyes, she suppressed a giggle. (I can’t say I blame her. I was pretty ridiculous looking.) But she didn’t run away screaming.  Renee didn’t teach me to put the stuff on correctly, but she did go shopping with me once and pretended to pick stuff out for her, when it was really for me.

About a year later, we had both graduated from college, and were living in the same city. (One that had a bar where I felt comfortable going en femme.) And eventually, she did go out with me as Ronnie. I don’t remember much about the night, other than it didn’t end horribly.

We’re still friends, although she has her life: a husband & two kids, and I have mine, and we don’t communicate except through Christmas cards. But still, she’s someone I’m glad I came out to.

The point? Take a chance every now and then. But don’t put eyeshadow on beneath your eyes, unless you’re trying to look silly.

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