Am I Gay?

Last month I wrote about growing up and how much I was bullied, wallowed in self-doubt and endured a steady stream of homosexual taunts. In the beginning I thought I was gay only because I had no way to determine my issues was the fact I was not male. Coming to the realization I wasn’t gay, but Trans* clarified who I was and gave me so much peace. Since I began my journey eleven years ago, I have become married to the woman of my dreams. We have discussed who I am and am becoming, our relationship and who we are as a couple. While writing last month post, I asked my bride, “Am I gay?” Her reply was, “No, but I think I am.” I thought it odd, but as we talked about her response and upon much reflection, I am now asking, “Am I gay?”

I am a woman, even though I was incorrectly labeled as male at birth. I am not attracted to men. It’s nothing against them, I just don’t consider them, even remotely, objects of my affection. I’ve raised a son and had every boy in the neighborhood in my house when he was you. I have a number of very good friends who are men, straight and gay. Not one of which I’m attracted to.

I love women. I always have and, I’m sure, always will. I love cisgender women and trans women. I relate to them, feel kinship and every cell in my body knows and lives the wonder of womanhood. I am blessed to be married to the woman of my dreams. Most of our friends are women and we love many of the same things, often and unfairly, labeled “woman stuff”. We also love doing “guy stuff” too, but don’t think of it that way.

Because of my love for women, a case could be made that I am, indeed, gay, or more correctly, lesbian. I’m not sure because I’ve never considered myself a gay woman. I have never heard women in a relationship where one of them was Trans* or both ever referred to as a lesbian couple and I don’t know why not. If you are in a relationship with another woman and you consider yourselves to be lesbians, I hope you will let me know.

So, here I sit with my question, “Am I gay?” unanswered. Whether I am or not is really not important. I know who I am, my wife knows who she is and when I asked her, “Am I gay?” she says, “No.” and that’s good enough for me.

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Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Transgender Body & Soul