A Dream and a Gold Locket

My mother died on January 13, 2022 at 8:35 a.m. She was 82, and had suffered with Alzheimer’s/ dementia. Mum was born in Ayr, Scotland in October 1939. She once told me that one her earliest memories was her mother hiding with her under a desk as the Germans bombed the munitions plant nearby. She never liked sirens or loud noises her whole life. Her father was Irish, and her mum was Scottish–Clan Macintosh, of which she was very proud, and passed that pride to me.

If you’re really interested, I’ll link to the obituary which I wrote for her. However, I’d rather tell you a story, dear reader. It’s a story about a kid, a dream, and a locket.

When I started dressing in my early teens, I only ever tried on mum’s things once. I felt SO guilty, that I started sending away for my own. The only thing of her’s I wore more than once (and I wore it semi- regularly) was a gold heart shaped locket hung on a delicate gold chain. Inside it is a picture of my grandmum and a tiny seed: thistle. I remember mum wearing the necklace occasionally. As I stopped dressing at 16 (1983), I never again wore it.

Fast forward almost forty years. I’m now full-time as a woman. My father told me to help myself to her jewelry. Mum wore a lot of costume jewelry, but she had some real stuff as well. She favored opals, rubies, and diamonds. I immediately decided that I must only take half of the good stuff, as it wouldn’t be fair to my brother’s wife (or their daughter) for me to take it all. It’s strange, I felt almost guided to check little containers away from the jewel boxes–tiny boxes and decorative jars (mum had a LOT of them), and that’s where I found her diamond rings–all gifts from my dad.

While I was looking, dad entered the room, and I asked him if he could identify her engagement ring. He quickly pointed one out–and I kept it. Someday, I will give it to my daughter for her wedding (assuming I’m around.) Then again, all of what I took will someday be hers.

I thought I’d finished, when I felt the urge to check under one of the mahogany jewel boxes (gifts from her father). There I found two bags, one a pink silk bag and the other blue and velvet like. In the pink one, I found a string of tiny pearls. In the blue one was the gold heart locket. I kept both.

Believe what you will, but I think mum wanted me to find these items and keep them. The most dazzling piece was mum’s 50^th anniversary diamond ring. I left that for my sister-in-law. After all, I have the engagement ring and the locket. I also found two wedding rings: one very simple, and another not much fancier. Dad identified them both as her wedding rings, with the simple one being the one he gave her. Why there were two, I don’t know.

The pieces are off being appraised for insurance, and, when they come back, I’ll once again wear the locket that I wore during my first terrifying steps exploring my Truth all those years ago. It’s not a big deal for anyone but me–but it’s the story I wanted to tell tonight.

Be well.

Tags: featured

Category: Transgender Body & Soul