Who You Know

When I was a child in the 1970s and an adolescent in the 1980s, there was no transgenderism. Now of course, strictly speaking, this statement is not true; transgender people and behavior certainly existed then. But in that era, outlets were few and far between, and limited in scope. Using the term “transgender” in conversation back then would likely have provoked a puzzled query of “What are you?” as opposed to “Who are you?”

The Who (1978)

However, transgender behavior has been around for millennia. In the 15^th Century BC, the ancient Israelites had come to associate the wearing of the clothing of the opposite sex with fertility rituals that were performed by the hostile pagan nations and religions which surrounded them on all sides. Such behavior was proscribed to the Israelites in Deuteronomy 22, within the overall context of warning this tiny, vulnerable nation not to risk its independence, unity and survival by mixing itself too freely with outsiders, and embracing foreign customs at the expense of their own identity. (See the similar strictures in this chapter against sowing multi-crop vineyards — or even against simply wearing blended fabrics.)

So obviously, to make another biblical reference, transgender concepts are nothing new under the sun. Their increasingly open and unapologetically public manifestation is, on the other hand, a fairly recent phenomenon. It is presently an unsettled state of affairs, sort of like how the growth and proliferation of the internet during the 1990s caused existing social and legal structures to be reviewed and — where necessary — adapted, in order to address the ensuing impact and upheaval.

We transgender individuals are a small, scattered, visible community within a larger overall society, in which we have daily interaction and commerce. Unlike the Israelites, we are not a theocracy that blurs the distinction between God and Caesar (or Church and State). We have many options for legitimate self-expression and differences of opinion, within a properly grounded moral framework that recognizes appropriate private and public boundaries. Since the State has no right to impose arbitrary restrictions (mandates?) on its citizens, neither do citizens have the right to demand that the State conform itself to our own arbitrary wills and fleeting desires.

As one with a healthy distrust of State power — justified by thousands of years of the historical record, particularly after a 20^th Century that brought us world wars, the Third Reich and the Worker’s Paradise — I take the approach that one can live a happily and productively satisfying temporal life, without waiting for perfect legal or social conditions, whatever such nebulous concepts may be. In addition, my own sense of self-worth is not determined by whether or not the State or its chief executive loves me, or even acknowledges my existence — as long as it maintains public order, and applies this fairly to all.

By now, people are becoming increasingly used to seeing transgender characters and personalities portrayed in media. Helpful as this can be, I believe it is more important that public sees transgender individuals in their midst, whom they know and can identify by name, and are engaging, confident people with whom they interact directly. This will make it easier for the ones who will eventually follow in our footsteps, as well as for those who may still be struggling to find their place in life and determine if, when, or how they should come out. It will also give the lie to anyone that would attempt to label us as damage cases, or as extreme social or political agitators.

“Spot On” for office Halloween!

It is one thing to be known as the transgender employee at your workplace. It is another thing altogether to be (for example) the capable employee that people enjoy interacting with, and who likes classic hard rock, has a dry sense of humor, occasionally brings food to share, remembers birthdays, and invites colleagues to outside social events where and when appropriate — and oh, by the way, happens to have an unexpectedly pleasant and tasteful sense of style that routinely draws compliments.

One must always account for local conditions, and never deliberately place oneself in uncomfortable or risky situations. But self-isolation is harmful in so many ways. Given the enforced solitude that we all experienced in 2020-21, this has never been clearer. I happened to choose that period to come out completely. One of the very pleasant (and admittedly unexpected) results was to become a known and recognized person everywhere I went. Under the difficult and unfulfilling conditions of the time, many places that I patronized or associated with were very grateful for my presence and support, and told me so. When the mask (literally and figuratively) finally came off, the respect and courtesy remained.

Groucho Marx was famous for many fun quips, among them: “Whatever it is, I’m against it” and “I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member.” But I have learned personally that there are plenty of individuals and groups that are happy to have me openly involved with their activities. I lost no memberships as a result of my transition, and even gained some new ones along the way. None of my neighbors turned on me. I have never been denied service anywhere. Other than an expectation of respectful treatment, I impose no conditions on anyone. Women often engage me in casual conversation wherever I go, usually beginning with a casual compliment on my style and appearance.

At work, I was subsequently recruited to a new, highly visible, and very rewarding position. While I indeed had the professional skills and an internal track record of success to recommend me, my new manager had also known me before and during my transition; she may well have assessed me as someone who would be able to hold her own among strong personalities. Regardless, my TG status never came up for discussion, pro or con. That is the ultimate goal.

The old cynical saying goes, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. In our case, both should apply. Wherever possible, we should do our best to become known as individuals whose presence and contributions are valued and respected, without drama. I am honored to be known for who and what I am. You can and should be as well!

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Tags: featured, opinion, Transgender

Category: Out & About, Transgender Opinion