Welcome to Kandi’s Land

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About Kandi, our new columnist: Kandi is married with two grown daughters. Her wife is fully supportive. Under normal circumstances, she goes out usually three times a week, either to her church, as a volunteer or to do what women do! She volunteers for over 25 organizations and makes no apologies about who she is and has found complete acceptance by the general public.

She writes a daily blog, Kandi’s Land, that features uplifting and supportive posts. Nothing negative, sexual or political in any fashion on the blog. While she is a member of a number of LGBTQ related organization, she prefers simply being a mainstream woman.

Here is a little of her backstory: I am a crossdresser! There. I said it. October 2014. Never admitted that to myself, but have always been one. Hated myself for it. It has always been a compulsion, an urge, never something I ever enjoyed. What is wrong with me? It turns out, nothing!

Okay, now what do I do? Having purged a small bedroom full of women’s clothes over the course of my 50+ years, let’s start fresh. Let’s see if I can enjoy this. Purchase a few things. Okay, I like that. Add a few more. Keep them for more than an hour, a day, a week. So far, so good. How do I feel? Different, better, happy. I need to make some life changes. If I am going down this road, I need to look half decent. I begin the road that would result in my dropping 35 pounds and eventually becoming a very competitive runner, routinely winning my age groups comfortably in 5Ks, now winning my age group in half marathons and running a few full marathons. The Boston Marathon is an achievable goal. Happiness matters.

So now I am slimmer, in good shape, happy with myself. But the big hurdle remains. I am very happily married with two grown and successful daughters. It took well over a month to gather the courage to tell my wife. December 2, 2014 is the day. If she is not on board, this all stops, no questions asked. And I would completely understand her not being happy with it. I find the words, show her my painted toenails, and tell her how it all makes me happy. In a moment I will never forget, she says she just wants me to be happy. You know that feeling when you fall in love with someone? I did that all over again, almost 30 years into our marriage. I was immediately transformed. My life is still filled with ups and downs, but my “default” mood is always one of happiness. My smile, previously buried under a crappy mustache and displayed only when made happy (instead of being happy) by family and friends, became ever present. Now what do I do? What have I done!!!!

The work begins. Removing more body hair than your average polar bear. Developing those routines that women do, not men. Moisturizing. Frequent shaving. Now do I really want to do this? I begin purchasing items to be included in my wardrobe. I have no fear of buying women’s clothing as a man. None. A bra fitting? Why not. A new dress? Of course. I schedule a makeover at Janet’s Closet in Detroit. I need to see what I would look like. Not bad. To paraphrase Rudolph (the Red Nosed Reindeer)….I’m cute! Or at least not hideous. I let the girls there talk me into wearing clothing I would never dream of wearing now and I make a walk through the mall. I survive (although read by some teenage girls). I go out with some seasoned “girls” (I personally dislike the term “gurls”). I survive! Now the real work begins. How do I build a real life for Kandi? She is not simply going to hang out at CD bars and shop, shop, shop (although she does a lot of that).

My hope is that my blog can show you how to make your life a happy one if you are a crossdresser. I will bring some of those concepts here to TGForum. I completely understand I am very different than a transgendered woman. Apples and oranges. My worldview is one of extreme optimism. The world is so much better than the media would make you believe. No question, we live in troubled times, especially lately. But I have now been out probably 500 times. I am frequently complemented, have received more hugs from total strangers than one can count, had drinks and meals purchased for me and am an active member of a church (prior to COVID) and many charitable organizations. Tens of thousands of people have seen me dressed. I also understand that I have the blessing of my wife, a HUGE benefit to my being able to achieve that happiness. 

My next column I will talk about one of my personal keys to mainstream acceptance, by volunteering. I will also discuss my “Rules of the Road”, basic, common sense rules for this girl (who has never once “passed”) to go anywhere she wishes without worry or concern about her safety or having any issues. Three of the pictures you see here are on-site photos at places I have volunteered.Thank you Angela for having me and make sure you also visit Kandi’s Land every day!

Kandi’s Land
Observations, Adventures, Experiences of a Crossdresser
Visit daily for uplifting posts at https://kandis328772669.wordpress.com/!

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Tags: crossdressing, featured

Category: Transgender Body & Soul