Turnabout: It IS Better Than Fair Play — Part 2

| Sep 21, 2015
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[Part 1][Part 3]



There wasn’t a chance to chat in the ladies room. After taking care of nature’s call the two friends were busy fixing their hair, applying yet another coast of mascara and touching up their lipsticks. As they returned to their table Linda noticed another smiling exchange between Alexis and the two gents. Linda also smiled their way. ‘One more drink and we’ll be looking very good to those two,’ Linda thought to herself.

“I think it won’t be long before we have company,” Alexis said as they sat down, “but what is your idea you wanted to tell me?”

“I’ll tell you but first tell me something: what is the most out-there thing you have done as Alexis say in the last year or so?” It was not just for some verbal voyeurism that Linda asked. She wanted to make sure Alexis would be completely comfortable with the idea she was going to propose.

“Well, I’ve been out a lot, mostly to go shopping or to go to a drag club somewhere but also I’ve dropped in at libraries and art galleries. I took a ride on the Toronto subway. That was pretty interesting.”

“Anything else?” Linda had hoped for better.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this but a few months ago I was down in Moncton. (note: Moncton is a city in one of Canada’s small eastern provinces, commonly known as the Maritime provinces ) I was working as Alex during the day but wanted to get out as Alexis at night. I did visit the one gay club in town, Triangles, but for some reason unless you wanted to stay up past midnight you weren’t going to find much action there. So flipping through something or other I found a listing for a night spot called ‘Bo Diddley’s’.”

“Like the old singer, Bo Diddley?” Linda interrupted.

“Yes, and being a lover of oldies music I immediately though this would be the place for me. It would be an older crowd. Surely they would have oldies music and hopefully I could find someone to dance with.”

“You mean some straight guy to dance with?”

“Yes, or a group of girls. You know how those clubs are. The guys get pissed and the ladies get bored so they dance with each other in small groups.

”So I dressed down a bit to try to fit in with what I was sure would be a small town neighborhood pub crowd. I was right. I wore a jean skirt and blouse and low shoes. Most of the ladies were in jeans and tee shirts but that was okay. I fit in except I was a bit taller than all of the other girls and most of the men.”

“I’ll bet you were.”

“So I found a place at the bar and right away the lady next to me struck up a conversation. I think her name was Mary but that doesn’t matter. We got to talking about the club and the karaoke night that was in progress. I’m not a fan of karaoke nor of the country music they were singing but it was nice to slide on to a bar stool and be immediately accepted.

“Then Mary introduced me to Dave who was sitting around the corner of the bar. Dave had been eyeing me up and down. From his speech I could tell he was pretty drunk, also from the fact that he kept telling me what a beautiful woman I was.”

“Eww. Was that a problem?”

“No. I just kept laughing him off and saying thank you. It turned out that Mary had a boyfriend, Dan, who had wandered off somewhere but when he came back his powers of observation were keener than Mary’s or Dave’s. He obviously read me. He didn’t say anything to me but he did slip the word to the other two that he thought I was a guy.”

“What happened then?”

“Well neither Dan nor Mary said anything about it at the time but when the couple got up to dance the somewhat drunken Dave told me that ‘everyone’ thought I was a guy but he still thought I made a beautiful woman. He asked what I had under the skirt.”

“What did you say to that?”

I told him,” Alexis continued, “that it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to get close to there anyway. That seemed to satisfy him. We moved on to talking about how Dan was his brother and how they both were good singers.

“When Mary and Dan returned from their dancing the two brothers went outside for a smoke. Mary offered to buy me a beer and she also told me how people were thinking I was a guy. ‘I used to be’ was all I said and that seemed enough for her. ‘I don’t care. You seem like a nice person and that is good enough for me,’ I remember her saying.” Alexis paused to take a sip of her drink.

“Nice,” was all Linda could say.

“Yes, it turned out to be a very nice night,” continued Alexis, “Most of the time Mary and I would be chatting but occasionally when she and Dan got up to dance Dave would move in and start hitting on me in a strange way. He never referred to me as a guy and he was harmless enough. There were two other things that were interesting that night. One was that from time to time their friends would drop by to say hello to the three but it was pretty clear they were there to get a closer look at me. It was as if they had never seen a real live trans girl before. “

“I’ll be they hadn’t. What was the other thing?”

“As Mary and Dan were getting ready to leave they invited me to come with them to a nearby coffee shop, a Tim Horton’s, of course. It turns out they were a live-in couple and besides their mutual interest in karaoke country music they had one more common interest.”

“What was that? Don’t tell me they were swingers?” I joked.

“Bingo!” exclaimed Alexis, “they asked if I would be interested in playing with them back at their place. Now I should mention that during the evening Mary had been dropping comments to me about what a great lover Dan was and how he was pretty well endowed. I had laughed it off at the time but now I knew she had been testing my potential interest. I guess it was good enough for her that I ‘oohed’ instead of ‘ewwed’ when she talked about his manhood.”

“So what did you do?” Linda asked.

“What do you think I did? I thanked them and said I had to get up early in the morning.” Alexis said.

“You did what!?”

“No, of course I went with them. Mary joined in a bit but mostly it was the Dan and Alexis show.”

Alexis went on to share a few more details with Linda but for her purposes Linda had heard enough. She knew Alexis was going to be the right person to share in her weekend plan.

“I’ve got an idea that I think you will enjoy,” Linda started to say.

“Hold it,” Alexis shot back, “I told you about my most ‘out there’ adventure in the last year. What was yours?”

“Okay, fair enough. But this is going to be very different from your adventure, more PG-13 than X-rated. You know that I like golf. Last summer I volunteered to work at the Canadian Open, an important professional golf tournament.”

“I know what the Canadian Open is,” interjected Alexis, “get to the point.”

“I arranged that my volunteer duties would end on the Saturday so I would have the last day, Sunday, free to walk around and enjoy the tournament as a spectator. All went well. I enjoy the golf week as I spend my days helping out on the golf course and my evenings going out as Linda.”

“So your volunteer duty is in boy-mode? What’s the fun in that? Where is the story?”

I’m getting there. During the week I had purchased a volunteer woman’s golf polo and cap. So during my day off I dressed in my beige skort, women’s golf polo, ladies running shoes, put on my cap and headed to the golf course. I displayed my regular volunteers badge to get access to the course without any problem.”

“Wait a sec. How did you get a golf cap over that big hair,” asked Alexis, referring to the full head of blonde hair that Linda likes to display on her evenings out.

“Good catch. My usual daywear is a shorter wig, straight hair, just less than shoulder length and largely grey. I put the hair on a pony tail and pulled it through that opening in the back of the cap.

“Have you ever noticed how invisible women with grey hair seem to be? Well, I notice that I get far fewer looks when my hair is short and grey than when I’m a big-haired blonde. It may be that salt and pepper grey better matches my natural skin tones than does honey blonde but I think my ‘invisibility’ comes from the dismissive attitude society has toward women approaching their senior years.”

“Isn’t that it the truth? It is as if once a woman reaches 45 she is ready for the scrap heap.”

“A lady friend once told me that she should have had ‘Best before: 45’ labelled on her.”

“That is so wrong. We — ladies and men and TGs — are just entering our prime at 45. But get on with it. You are dressed as Linda. You are among several thousand other golf fans at a big tournament. So what? Where is the story?” Alexis said impatiently.

“Well yes, so I walked through the ‘golf village’ where the tournament sponsors have displays, I signed up for a free newspaper subscription. I tried a putting contest and sat by myself to enjoy a beverage. I walked along watching a group of big-name golfers. But eventually I needed to rest a bit. It didn’t help that I had done a bit of entertaining the night before.

“So I knew where to go for a bit of restful quiet. Along the 10th fairway there was a stretch where it was very inconvenient for spectators to get to. I also knew that there was a nice sunny knoll where I could sit and watch golfers and other people going by. So there I was sitting when suddenly I was aware of a golf ball landing near the cart path in front of me. I guess I was sitting about 300 yards from the teeing area but that is where the ball had come from. That was a long hit but then the ball bounced several times down the cart path before coming to rest in the rough grass about 70 to 80 yards further along. It became obvious that neither the hole marshal nor the shot-link operators knew the ball had even come that way let alone where it was. Being dressed en femme I was not inclined to get up to tell them.

“However a little while later the golfer who had hit the ball and his caddie came along and started looking for the ball right in front of where I was sitting and about where the ball had originally landed. They asked the marshal who had no clue about it. Now, for a professional golfer to lose a golf ball during a tournament: that is a severe penalty and would cost him extra strokes and a lot of money. I got up. I told the caddie I knew where the ball was and I lead them to it. They were surprised that the ball was so far down. So were the shot-link operators whose job it is to track the landing spot of every golf shot. The drive had travelled close to 400 yards! So then it was a relatively easy chip shot on to the green and the golfer scored a birdie instead of what could have been a double — bogey or worse if I had not been there to show them where the ball was sitting.”

“I’m not getting this is all that great a story,” Alexis interrupted.

“But wait: there’s more. After his shot on to the green the golfer turned back to me and thanked me and asked me to meet him at the exit from the green on the way to the next hole.”

“He did? What did you do? Was there a crowd up there? Were there media cameras? “

“Well there had been a few fans following this guy and his playing partner as they came down the fairway and yes there were hospitality stands and a lot more people waiting at the green. If I went I was going to be right out there.”

“So?” Alexis asked expectantly.

“So, I went to meet him of course. At every green there is a roped off passageway designated to get the golfers, caddies and officials to the next tee. I stood next to that passageway on the downhill side so that if he did stop I would not seem to be so tall. He did stop and again say thanks and shake my hand. The caddie handed me a golf glove which is a traditional gift from a golfer to a helpful spectator and a signed golf ball. The caddie, an older guy, fit looking but probably in his 50s also slipped me a piece of paper. ‘Feel free to call me,’ he said. On the paper he had scribbled his first name and phone number. I recognized it as a Florida area code, probably his smart phone number.”

“Did you call? What did he say?”

“As much as I would have liked to, I did not call. It was Sunday afternoon and I was about to drive 300 km home and he was probably heading to God-knows-where. But do you know where I spend my winters?”


“Bingo. I think this adventure may still have a chapter to write. But that is for later,” said Linda as she moved the conversation forward, “ What are your plans for this weekend, tomorrow night and Saturday? I’ve got an idea you may like.”

“Tell me more,” purred Alexis.

“I guess this will have to wait a bit,” sighed Linda as just then two tall, good-looking men each with two fresh drinks in their hands, appeared at the table and asked if they could join the girls.

Before Linda could respond Alexis was pointing to two chairs and welcoming the men to join them. “This could be a beautiful evening,” the girls smiled to each other.

It would be the end of the evening before Linda got a chance to talk with Alexis about her plan. Tune back in four weeks when I can tell you how it all unfolded.

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Category: Transgender Fun & Entertainment

Linda Jensen

About the Author ()

Canadian writer Linda Jensen is a long time contributor to TGForum. Before the days of the Internet Linda started her writing with the Transvestian newspaper. Her writing ranges from factual accounts of her adventures to fiction although frankly sometimes her real life adventures are stranger than the fiction. Linda is married to a loving partner who upon learning about Linda said, "she was part of you before I met you. Although I didn't know it she was part of the package I fell in love with. I don't want to mess up that package." "Does it get any better than that?" asks Linda.

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