clewis

[clewis]

Hi Tinalynn – congratulations and good luck to you! A good rule is for an interview is to err on the side of caution, i.e. dress slightly above the level you are interviewing for.

I’m in the corporate IT world, and my last interview a few years ago was for a contributor level position at a company with a business casual dress code. Even so, for that I wore a business professional look – powder blue pantsuit and a white cami, with nude heels.

Considering what you have described, I would think that a business casual look would make a good impression – i.e. nice top, casual slacks or skirt, and comfortable but tasteful flats. Everything coordinating, and nothing too revealing.

[clewis]

Hi Thom – you’re welcome! Thank you for your candor. I agree with your assessment of St. Paul’s words. And sin is sin, regardless of who commits it.

I don’t think I’ve answered your question fully for myself either. Obviously I’ve had to spend a lot of time dwelling on this subject matter. I definitely feel like I have an ascetic streak, which is difficult enough to properly discern and direct. (There’s obviously a moral and physical difference between fasting and starvation, for example.)

Since John’s writings were divinely inspired, and God cannot contradict himself, then perhaps John is cautioning us that loving the things of this world is wrong insofar as doing so conflicts with loving God as its creator.

Otherwise we would be taking objects created by God for our proper care and stewardship, and converting them into idols in some way.

Per your initial post, I remember all the times when I rejected my curiosity about the other gender, and denied myself any interest or outlet toward feminine activities, expression, etc. I’m not sure if that was self-denial, or self-hatred.

But I was obviously cutting off some deep part of myself. It hurt and it showed. I may well have been a better Christian outwardly, but inwardly I felt like a failure. I’m not sure how good of a Christian example I was then.

The present approach of being visibly transgender doesn’t perfect anything. However, people around me are perhaps now seeing a more fully integrated human being. That person is happier, more giving, submissive to Church authority, and less quick to offer my unsolicited opinions.

Since my personal and professional relationships are of the long-term variety, all this has been noticed. Perhaps it reflects more favorably on me as a Christian, although I cannot know this for certain.

At any rate, minds and feelings do appear to have been transformed for the better. Hopefully it counts for something in God’s eyes.

Christy

[clewis]

Hi Thom,

We seem to be of similar outlooks in many ways. I may fall into the category of the question you are asking.

Speaking only for myself, in the last few years I have increasingly expressed my admiration of feminine characteristics within the parameters of the physical and emotional hand I have been dealt.

I’ve encountered very little resistance to this up to now, even among more traditionally minded individuals and groups. Women in particular have often been very supportive and encouraging.

In doing so, I have made a point to respect others and not force myself upon them, and show myself to be a confident, dignified, approachable human being.

(I refrain from political conversations, since they are simply unproductive, as we’ve all learned in the last year.)

There’s a scene in the Indiana Jones movie “The Last Crusade” where one of the characters asks Dr, Jones why he is seeking the Holy Grail – is the good doctor doing so for God’s glory, or for his own glory?

That stayed with me long afterward. That may be one example of self-denial…making sure that what one does is meant to glorify God, and not oneself.

It seems to me that there has to be a purpose to all this, beyond me being able to say “hey world, look at me out in public wearing a dress – aren’t I something?”

I think that’s why I became more active in my church – to make sure I was putting my feminine aspects toward the service of others, before myself.

I hope it’s all ultimately helped to make me a more integrated human being. I’m trying to get better about letting God do the judging.

[clewis]

Hi Carla – thank you so much for your kind words! We are all here for you.

I can certainly relate; I deal with many of the same issues and concerns, and I also seek out spiritual and professional counsel. We are only human, after all. 🙂

You might like to ask St. Joan of Arc for her intercession. (She is our unofficial patron saint!)

Blessings to you,

Christy

[clewis]

Hi and welcome! I’m neither a theologian, pastor, educator nor even a parent, so my comments should be read with that in mind.

Are you referring to what is taught in religious schools? I received a bachelor’s degree from a Catholic university in the early 1990s. Before then, I attended public primary schools. I wasn’t formally taught such subjects in either environment, and I don’t feel at all deprived for that.

As a Catholic, I am supposed to see people as individuals created in God’s image, with a divine soul and free will. I would therefore expect well-formed Catholic educators to approach students in such a manner. There is so much to know and learn about the human person beyond mere sexuality.

On my own time, I have studied Catholic teaching on chastity inside and outside of marriage. I find it quite compelling.

I have been completely accepted as a transgender person in my parish. I am not an activist, and I don’t think my fellow parishioners see me as a member of an identity group. I wouldn’t want them to.

[clewis]

Hi Carla,

God loves you. He has forgiven you. You did the right thing. Please don’t beat yourself up over your past.

I am a Catholic also. I returned to the practice of the Faith in my 20s, after an extended period of militant disbelief when I was young. My first general Confession was at that time, and as I was 26 at the time, it too was long and detailed. Some things were also very painful to admit, as you well know.

Thankfully the priest (my late parish pastor at the time) led me gently through it, heard me out, and in his counsel and absolution showed me kindness that I felt like I didn’t deserve at the time. Eventually I felt forgiveness, and I began making Confession a regular practice shortly thereafter.

I won’t attempt to justify your confessor’s conduct. The vast majority of confessors I have encountered (priests of various ages, training and backgrounds) have by contrast been considerate and thoughtful, are becoming familiar with transgender individuals (e.g. per my posts above), and genuinely wish to offer spiritual comfort. Don’t be afraid to seek them out.

There’s a reason this is in our lives, and it’s not a curse or a punishment. You are worthy of His love, and you have something offer people. Don’t live in isolation.

Even though we all have our flaws, we were put here to support each other. God writes straight even with crooked lines. 🙂

Christy

[clewis]

This definitely sounds like my experiences. As a child I gravitated to classically feminine activities and pursuits, and by later elementary school age I was already interested in clothes and makeup (albeit secretly). I was a quiet, shy boy and never questioned my identity or anything. I just did what I liked, and my childhood was happy enough.

As an adolescent and a young adult, I gave into peer pressure and hid all those feminine aspects of my personality. I played sports, attempted to date, embarked on a classically masculine career path, etc. I adapted to it well enough, but it was never fulfilling, and I never really felt socially at ease anywhere.

In my mid-30s I finally began to openly express those aspects of my life again. Obviously my age and the times were different by then, but I began to advance socially. Perhaps I came across to people as more open, relaxed and accessible.

By now I am out everywhere – family, neighborhood, work, worship, etc. – and I finally feel like myself. Some people that have known me before and after I became open have commented to me favorably on how happy I look now.

My only regret is that I wish I had not suppressed some of those childhood interests, particularly the ones related to arts and style. I always enjoyed sewing, needlepoint, fashion (obviously), design, etc. but never allowed them to really develop, mostly for fear of what people would think. Maybe some of the girls my age would have encouraged and supported me if I had done so.

[clewis]

Hi Angela,

In my days of being closeted, I occasionally dated. Over the years, there were a few women that I went out with for a few weeks at time, but nothing that ever really blossomed into what could be called a relationship. It was all rather unsatisfying.

I have been semiregularly active on traditional dating sites since the dawn of internet dating.
After I started coming out, I began to work this into my online profiles – photos, a passing but clear reference to being TG, etc. I felt it was only right under the circumstances.

Before long, straight men began to make contact and introduce themselves. I found it quite flattering and would always respond, as long as they were polite. (I quickly discovered that many men weren’t looking past the profile photo. But some did and I would occasionally receive very gracious compliments.)

Eventually a genuine gentleman did ask me out, having made clear that he had read my profile in detail. I accepted his invitation to meet for coffee one afternoon. It proved to be a very nice time. He was punctual, held doors for me, bought me a drink, and was respectful, courteous, conversational and attentive throughout. He even gave me a casual hug afterward, and we texted politely for a few days after that.

Even though it didn’t lead to a second date, it really was an eye opener, as I felt completely at ease and genuinely enjoyed the experience. The entire process seemed much more comfortable to me than how I had been doing things up to that point.

That was three years ago and since then, I have dated men exclusively. I’m amazed at how smooth the transition has been, and how natural it seems. No serious relationships have yet developed, but there’s always hope. Quality people are quality people, regardless of gender.

[clewis]

Hi Marie,

Yes, I even met with my parish pastor to discuss everything, so that he could make a proper assessment of my background and directly address any spiritual or pastoral concerns he might have had. I certainly did not wish to introduce any issues there for him or anyone else.

Work and church were the last frontiers for me, as for as coming out were concerned. Once I faced up to each one and was clearly prepared to accept the consequences of my actions, I discovered that my worst fears never materialized and I was truly humbled by the support I received. It was all a huge weight off my shoulders.

[clewis]

I am a faithful, active Catholic that is transgendered. I finally shared this with my parish simply by attending Mass as such, one spring Sunday morning five years ago.

I wore an appropriate Sunday outfit – pastel top, white skirt and sandals – took my regular place in the pew, worshipped peacefully as always, and went home afterward.

My parish is rather traditional in its theology, culture, programs, etc. (as am I). Yet not only was there zero negative feedback, I was subsequently invited to join our ladies group. I was thrilled and honored to accept.

(We coordinate the social events and the fundraisers for the parish, so it is a very active and visible role.)

In the time since, there has never – not once – been an iota of negative response or feedback from the clergy, staff, or parishioners. Far from it; they have shown me such love and support.

[clewis]

Hi ladies, I just joined the Forum this week. I’m in my late 40s and although I am not (yet?) full-time, with the exception of family gatherings I am out everywhere (including work and at church, where I’m an active and valued member of our ladies group and our women’s scripture study).

I started when I was in grade school and only began testing public environments 15 years ago. Since I’ve been out I feel so much more like myself, if that makes any sense. Looking back I wish I had begun the process sooner. Maybe some things would be more second nature to me by now.

At any rate, I’m glad to be here. 🙂

Chris

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