Hi all,
I’m a retired 66 year old in decent shape and remember as far back as 4 years old, being caught in my mother’s panty drawer. The “itch” (for lack of a better word), has always been inside me. Occasionally trying on my older sister’s panties as a teen and luxuriating in her wedding boned, white lace, corset, bustier she had gathering dust in a spare closet. I abolsutley LOVE relaxing in my home in sexy, satin adnlace lingerie it feels os natural. Not very passable. The past 30 years have been a nightmare of purging/buying/purging/buying. The fear of being caught, looked down upon, “What would my family and friends say”, self-revusion. The mad scramble to return things and donate things while feeling so much shame at having “broken down” and giving in to my overwhelming shame. The feeling of utter relief when all “evidence” is gone. Weeks to months later, it starts again.
Well, I am done wiith this. I came out to a young Italian goth girl friend in florence. Michela is nonbinary and like a daughter to me. She really helped me to start turning a corner. She geve me many things to think about. I feel now that I was born with feminie attributes, which explains my “unitchable itch” I will be looking for a trans therapist in the Baltimore area to talk about this. I really want to accept who I really am on the inside….Carla Blanche Dubois. xx
