The Stained Glass Dream, Chapter Six

You Just Have To Believe Me

Moving day had finally arrived. Amy was able to be put on my lease with no problems. We spent most of the day carrying boxes from her place to mine, I mean; our place now. I rented a hand truck to assist with the bigger stuff, but mostly it was just a matter of schlepping boxes from one apartment to the other. Bob and his family, and Amy and hers were nice enough to come over and help. That is with the enticement of Big Bills Barbeque, including all the trimmings. Amy took charge of the move. She directed the placement of the various boxes, and of course the furniture. I broke away a little early under the guise of getting dinner. When I got back everything had been moved and was now strategically placed around the apartment. If I was to be honest, it was acutely a nice feeling. The house was full, there was laughter, and kids running around being kids. We set up the feast under the pergola near the pool. The kids put on their bathing suits and proceeded to splash everyone who dared to get within ten feet of the water. It was chaos, and for the first time in my life I really felt as if I was home.

The adults settled around the food picking at the leftovers, tired, hot, and enjoying each other’s company. Of course everyone wanted to know more about Amy. There was something about her that was just electrifying. I sat back and marveled at the ease in which Amy fit in. It was as if we had all been friends for years. Then it happened, Bob let loose the trigger in my brain.

“You know Jen, you have really outdone yourself here. Amy is a beautiful girl. But can I ask you A question? If you wanted to date girls, why didn’t you just stay a man?”

Suddenly everyone turned and looked at Bob. In the background you could hear his wife gasp out a “Bob!” As Calmly as I could, I answered his question.

“Because this is who I am. Internally I’m not a man. I never have been. Amy and I have agreed that what we have is a lesbian relationship. Maybe you can’t understand that, but it doesn’t change the way Amy and I define ourselves.”

Bob cocked himself up in that way that men are taught to do.

“Hey if you two are happy with it, I’m happy with it. But you know you and Amy are the talk of the complex.”

Amy jumped in at this point.

“Why because we love each other? Because we found something that works?

I’m going to tell you right now, and you can tell anyone else who wants to know: This is love, this is true, and this is rare. And if they can’t understand that, it’s not our problem, it’s theirs.”

“Hey, don’t get mad at me. I’m all for whatever this is. I think you two are great together. I’m just saying that Jen’s DNA will always be XY, but if Amy is willing to accept Jen as a woman, then more power to you.”

I couldn’t believe that I was hearing this from someone who actually was a friend of mine. Still I couldn’t just let this go.

“First off, DNA is actually a poor way of determining gender. There are multiple combinations of genetic sequences, including XXY, XYY, or even XXO. Then there are those people that are intersex, what people used to call hermaphrodite. What do you do with all of those? There have been doctors that have attempted to alter the bodies of intersex people to make them appear to be fully one sex. Then that person grows up with the internal feeling that they are somehow the wrong gender. Let me ask you this: where does gender reside? If it’s your genitalia, and if you have an accident and lose that all so important part of your body; are you no longer a man?

Gender is in your soul, not your body. Oh, and one other thing, please don’t call me Jen. My name is Jennifer.”

Bob puffed up again. “Okay buddy, you don’t need to be so sensitive. You forget I have been with you since the beginning. Maybe I don’t understand all of what is going on here, or why you feel like you need to do this, but I’m still your friend.”

I calmed down a little before answering. I knew that he meant that, even if his vocalization of the idea was a little harsh.

“Okay, thank you, I appreciate that.”

After that the conversation was changed to something more generic, in fact I can’t even recall what it was. Still, the sentiment that was spoken by Bob stuck in my head. I didn’t say anything about what I was thinking, but it was there. It was like a song that had been put on repeat and kept playing over and over in my thoughts. Amy was a beautiful girl. There was no denying that. So what does a beautiful girl want with a beat up by life Trans girl? Then there is my constant concern that I was going to be hurt again. One thing was certain in my mind; I’m no prize that’s for sure. As the sun started to set, the girls began the process of cleaning up. Then everyone made their excuses and headed home. Amy and I went to our new place together. Amy looked around the house, drew a sharp breath and sort blew it out quickly.

“Looks like we have got a long week ahead of us cupcake. So just put in the back of your mind that you’re not getting much rest until we get this done.”

I laughed, “Well I can certainly think of other things I would rather be doing to lose rest over.”

Amy sat down in the only empty spot on the couch.

“Me too cupcake, but we have the rest of our lives for that. First off though, we need a home, not just a house.”

“So you’re really planning on sticking around with me aren’t you?’

She gave me a confused look.

“Of course I am. We have been all through this a dozen times now. I made a swear to you, and I plan on keeping it. We are in this together, forever. And from now on I’m just going to ignore you when you say stupid stuff like that.”

I pulled out a dining room chair and sat down.

“Baby girl, there is something I’m not sure you are looking at completely; I’m quite a bit older than you are. By the time I’m eighty you will just be turning sixty. You will still be vibrant and full of life. Do you really want to be married to an old woman who can’t even go to the bathroom on her own?”

When she looked at me I knew I was pushing her too far.

“Are you intentionally trying to piss me off? Because that is exactly what you are doing. Look, no matter what the age difference is between us, there are no guarantees in life. Yes I am younger than you, but anything can happen. As far as either of us knows; you could be the one taking care of me. The important thing is the love we share in the time that we have together. Seriously, this is the last time I want to talk about this. Jennifer, I love you, and if all I have with you is two weeks, I would rather have those two weeks with you rather than a lifetime without you.”

I looked away from her because I knew my thoughts were hurting her.

“Okay beautiful girl I will try to stop thinking that way. I just don’t know how to get rid of those thoughts when they come.”

“Stop trying sweetheart. You just have to believe me when I say I love you.”

There was absolutely nothing I could say to that. So I stood up from my chair and just smiled at her.

“Well after all that work today I think I need a shower. Would you care to join me?”

Her countenance changed back to my sweet girl.

“I will if you make it a hot bath so I soak my tired muscles.”

“Okay then, a hot bath it is. Tell you what; I will even throw in a back rub for free.”

She gave me this all knowing look and then said to me, “Yeah, I know all about your back rubs.”

“Are you implying that my motivations may be less than honorable?”

She got up from the couch and sauntered over to me and playfully moved her fingers down my chest.

“I’m not implying anything cupcake.”

Even with the vast knowledge of words that I possess, it is still impossible for me to express just how much I love this woman. Think about it: the sheer chance of us meeting the way we did, not to mention the possibility that we would fall in love; the odds have to be infinitesimal. Yet here we are in love and embarking on a life together as one. If that doesn’t make you believe in a higher power, then nothing in this life will ever convince you.

Amy and I took a bath together. We played with each other like innocent children. We laughed, we kissed, and we touched each other with skillful intent. When we got out, we took turns drying each other off. Then we went to the bedroom, naked and in love. Amy pulled back the covers and laid flat on her stomach on top of the bottom sheet. I sat on top of the back of her thighs and began to massage her shoulders. However, by the time I had gotten to her wonderfully round butt, she had already fallen asleep. When I discovered Amy’s current condition, I simply snuggled beside her and pulled up the covers to keep us warm. As I lay there beside her, I said a silent prayer, “Thank you Lord for bringing this woman into my life.” Not long after that I too fell into restful sleep.

The next morning my phone alarm rang at its usual 45 minute early routine. I cleared the cobwebs out of my head as I realized that I had forgotten to change the time. Then I remembered what Amy had said a few weeks earlier. So I lowered the covers down her shoulders and began to kiss her neck. Slowly she began to awaken. She rolled over onto her back and I kissed her lips. She responded to my advances with moans of approval. She whispered to me,

“Baby girl, I want you inside me.”

I simply smiled and whispered back to her, “You mean you don’t want your usual favorite this time?”

“No cupcake, I want a baby.”

“You have me already.”

“I know I do, but I want a real baby.”

It was then that it hit me what she was talking about. I stopped what I was doing and with a certain hesitancy I said to her,

“You mean like; wait nine months and go to the hospital kind of baby?”

Amy was all smiles, “Yes, just like we talked about.”

I cautiously said to her, “I know we talked about it, but don’t you think you are rushing things a bit?”

Amy looked at me with that look that told me she was not happy with the turn of the conversation.

“The way I see it, I’m not the one rushing things here, you are.”

I was confused at this point.

“How am I rushing things?”

She grinned like she had some secret on me.

“You’re going to be starting your hormones on your next doctor visit right? The doctor told us that you being on hormones will decrease the chance of us conceiving, right?”

I laid back down on the bed at this point.

“The doctor said that even if I have been on them for a long time, that it is still possible to have children. That they have new drugs that are able to help biological men.”

“I know I was there, remember? Actually, what the doctor said was: It’s unlikely, but not impossible. Baby girl, I’m not willing to take a chance on getting pregnant. So if you are serious with me, then now is the time for us to do this.”

You know I will probably never learn to keep my mouth shut. It’s like internally I know to keep my thoughts to myself but my brain just doesn’t get the message.

“Okay, I can see what you are saying, but what happens if we don’t work out? I mean we have just started our life together.”

“You are just determined to ruin my mood this morning. Look at me, and I want you to listen to me good. Not once have I ever thought of leaving you for any reason, even when you are being a jerk. You know like now. If anyone leaves it will have to be you, because I’m in this relationship forever. Now, are we going to make a baby or what?”

We did put our plans into action that morning, and many times after that morning. How could I refuse her? Amy is absolutely everything I could want in a woman. She is beautiful, she is comfortable with sharing her body, but most of all, she loves me with her entire heart. And yes I do believe that she loves me.

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Tags: featured, fiction, Transgender

Category: Fiction