The Stained Glass Dream, Chapter 4

The Day the World Stood Still

(Trigger warning: rape and incest briefly discussed)

After Amy ran and locked herself in the bathroom; I sat up on the bed not sure of what I should do. Part of me wanted to leave. After all, I don’t know anything about what’s going on here. All I know is that she suddenly jumped up and ran into the bathroom. Then I heard her sobbing behind the door and I knew I couldn’t just leave her like this. I approached the door and knocked softly on it.

“Amy, please tell me what’s going on. Baby girl, let’s talk about it, okay?”

Through her muffled tears I heard her say, “Please just go away, I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”

Again? This is twice tonight she has made that statement. There is some kind of demon that is torturing her. I have enough problems of my own, I don’t need to add hers to mine. Then I heard her saying,

“Daddy, no! Please don’t! I will be a good girl from now on. I promise, I won’t do nothing bad again.”

I knew then that I couldn’t just leave her without trying. Maybe I will only make things worse, but I had to try.

“Amy? This is Jennifer, your dad isn’t here. Baby, Please tell me what’s going on

I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. Remember, we had a date tonight at that corny Italian restaurant? We laughed and talked all night. Then we came home and made love together. Amy, I love you.”

Then I heard her say to me,

“Jennifer? You won’t hurt me?”

“Amy, I want to love you. Please baby, let me love you. I promise I will never hur you.”

Then she unlocked the door and opened it just a crack.

“Promise me, no swear to me, that you aren’t going to hurt me.”

Amy, I swear I just want to love you, if you will only let me.

Then she came out of the bathroom, sobbing, naked, and shivering. She looked at me shaking her head ‘no’ at me. “Please, don’t hurt me, please don’t. I know I was bad, but I won’t do it again.”

I took her in my arms and brought her to me.

“Shush baby, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I love you Amy. I promise you I will never let anyone hurt you again. I swear. Just let me love you. That’s all I want to do, just love you.”

I put my arm around her and slowly walked her over to the bed. I laid her down pulling up the covers over both of us to try and stop her shivering. I spooned her, holding her close to me. We laid there like that all night. Every time I would try to roll over or pull away so I could sleep, she would pull me back again. Somehow though I didn’t seem to mind this minor inconvenience, I was next to her. As I lay there in the bed, I thought about how strong and fierce she had seemed most of the night. Never would I have guessed that underneath the strong woman was the frailty of such an innocent child. I remember thinking about how fragile she was and that I am only one emotion from being just like she is tonight. Finally, I drifted off to sleep too, only because I just couldn’t stay awake anymore. The next morning she woke me up with a cup of coffee.

“I didn’t know how you took your coffee so I brought everything. I don’t even know if you like coffee. I’m just assuming you do. How did you sleep? Sorry that’s a ridiculous question. I know how you slept, awful. I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know what made me do that. You can leave if you want.”

I had to laugh,

“Are you going to let me talk or are you just going to keep rambling on like that?”

She got this child-like look on her face and made a zipping motion across her lips. I couldn’t help but smile. She was so beautiful, and so innocent.

“Okay, yes I like coffee, I take it black, no cream or sugar. Yes you’re right, I didn’t get much sleep, and you don’t have to be sorry for anything, and no I don’t want to leave unless you want me to go. Besides, I haven’t even touched my coffee yet. You wouldn’t want to send me into the cruel world without coffee would you?

She smiled as big as I had ever seen her smile

“Hell, if that’s all it takes to get you to stay, I will bring you coffee in the morning for the rest of your life.”

True to her word, she did just that every morning as long as she was able to get out of bed. I took a sip of my coffee and looked at her again. She seemed far away, as if in deep thought about something. Then as she spoke again, her entire demeanor changed, “I guess I should explain, I’ve never really told anyone this, and I don’t know why I’m telling you now. I just feel like you are different, that maybe I can trust you. First let me say you were perfect last night. You made me feel warm and loved. And don’t worry, I’m not going to hold you to anything you might have promised last night. I understand that you were only trying to calm me down. You don’t have to love me.”

I looked at her and sighed, “Lord, is it always going to be like this? I mean you just talking without giving me a me a chance to say anything. You are not holding me to some hollow promise I made. I do love you, and I will keep on loving you as long as you will let me. Now, tell me what you wanted to say. I will listen.”

She looked away from me for the first time, feeling ashamed of something.

“I was six, at least the first time I really remember it happening. I remember that the kitchen floor was made in a black and white checkered pattern. I don’t know why I remember that so well, but it really sticks out in my mind. I remember being pinned to the floor by my father. He was drunk and trying to fit himself into a place that was too small for a grown man. I was crying, begging him to stop. Pleading that I would be good. But of course he didn’t stop until he had his way with me. This went on until I was sixteen and left home.:

I was in total shock from all this.

“You never tried to tell your mother?”

Now the shame was replaced by anger.

“My mother was afraid of him. As long as he was having his sick way with me, he was leaving her alone. I think I’m more disgusted with my mother than I am of my dad. What kind of mother allows that to happen to her own child?”

I didn’t know what to say, all I could get out was an, “I’m so sorry” She looked at me full in the face for the first time since she started her story.

“You know the worst part is; my dad developed Alzheimer’s before he died. He died not even knowing who I was or all the horrible things he did to me.”

I took Amy into my arms and held her, Kissed her on the lips softly and whispered to her. “I’m sure he remembers everything now, every day, from that fiery place he’s at now. Baby, I swear I will never let anyone hurt you again. Listen to me; I’m in love with you, not because I feel sorry for you, but because you are the girl of my dreams.”

She started to tear up. “How can I be the girl of anyone’s dreams after all the things I’ve done?”

I had to make her understand.

“First off, you didn’t do anything. It was that sick bastard that did this to you. Then second, you are right, I don’t know what kind of mother allows her child to be used like that? And finally third, I don’t care about any of that anyway. I just want to share my life with you. You got that?”

Amy was absolutely glowing now. Then I said the wrong words and changed everything.

“Wow, I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I need to get going, I’m already going to be late for work”

Then in a quiet tone, almost afraid, she said to me, “I don’t suppose that you would want to spend the day with me?”

Looking into those eyes, how could I possibly turn her down?

“You know what? I have some sick time that if I don’t use before the end of the year; I’m going to lose it anyway. Tell you what; if you think you can put up with me for the day, why don’t I just take the day off and spend it with you?”

She smiled. “I think I can tolerate you for the day. Tell you what, I will even buy you breakfast.”

“Okay, I will just let you buy us breakfast. Tell you what; you get ready and I’ll go home and shave and brush my teeth. You can come over as soon as you are ready.”

That look of panic returned to her face again.

“I have an extra razor and a new toothbrush I can let you have. Then we can go to your place together so you can change clothes.”

I could tell by the way she was acting like she didn’t want to be alone. I knew that I could not leave her when she was feeling this way.

“Okay baby girl. It’s probably a good idea for me to have a razor and toothbrush over here.

Anyway, you never know when I might need it again.”

She smiled and kind of dipped her shoulder as she turned and made a hand gesture signaling me to follow her into the bathroom. I watched her as she got ready. In my mind I captured every movement she made. I was captivated by the way her body danced and swayed as she did the simplest task. I was fascinated by the way her hair flowed as her body giggled brushing her teeth. She saw me watching her and laughed at me.

“What? You’ve never seen anyone brushing their teeth before?”

I leaned against the wall trying to be so cool.

“Sure I’ve seen people brushing their teeth before, but I have never seen anyone look so lovely doing it.” Stopping her brushing, she looked at me rolling her eyes. Then she rinsed her mouth and turned to me again.

“Okay, it’s your turn now. Let me ogle you for a little while.”

I took my place in front of the mirror.

“Please feel free to ogle anytime you want. It’s been a long time since anyone ogled me.”

After I was done she got herself dressed. She put on a pair of jean shorts and a designer T-shirt with casual sandals. Then it was off to my apartment so that I could finish getting myself ready. I took my cue from the way she was dressed and matched her. I went to the bathroom to put on my makeup. I could tell as she watched me, that she was struggling to keep quiet. When I came to the eyeliner she had finally had enough.

“Here, let me do that. I can see I’m going to have my work cut out for me.”

The thing I kept hearing in her choice of words was always a look to us being together in the future. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I mean she is one sexy woman, but still the logical part of my brain kept reminding me that we had just met. However, I was not going to stop things from going forward. Never before had I been so comfortable just being with someone. The conversation was easy and came naturally, and I just adored being around her.

We then left to go to breakfast. She directed me to this little truck stop café. We entered the restaurant and one of the waitresses showed us to our table. The tables were sturdy and meant to serve a working class crowd. The tops of the tables were set with a stainless steel wire napkin holder that also held sugar on one side, and salt and pepper shakers on the other. There was a bottle of ketchup and a handy syrup dispenser, the kind with the screw on top with a handle molded in. There was a jukebox in one corner and it was playing Petula Clark’s Downtown. I looked at Amy with a smile and a little bit of surprise.

“Do you know what song this is?”

She gave me a puzzled look.

“I’ve heard it before but I can’t really say I know what it is.”

With a certain excitement I started to elaborate.

“The song is called, Downtown and it was done by a British pop star named Petula Clark. This song takes me back to a time as a kid, no more than six years old. I was in a similar surrounding with my mother and my aunt Ruth. That same song was playing on a record juke box. It’s funny but I still remember, it was like some kind of switch was turned on in my brain and I just said to myself, ‘wow! What is that? It’s beautiful.’ I knew then that music would always be a part of my life.

Amy looked at me. Her eyes where dancing with a brightness that could only be one thing, but I didn’t expect to hear the words,

“Jennifer, I think I really love you.”

Just at that moment our waitress came over to our table and asked us if we were ready. We looked at our menus but without a lot of study we ordered our breakfast. She then took our menus and left. A few minutes later she brought our coffee, and set it down in front of us. The waitress looked us both over and got the biggest grin I had ever seen. She could tell by the way we looked into each other’s eyes that we were in love. Even I was certain of it now. There was no turning back. No matter how this ended, I was going to see it through. I reached out for her hand.

“Amy, I know that I’m in love with you.”

The waitress left and came back a few minutes later. She had two cake doughnuts and a bowl of cinnamon caramel dipping sauce. She put them in the middle of the table in front of us and smiled again. I told her we didn’t order that, to which she replied.

“I know you didn’t, this is on me. It’s a house specialty. I wanted you to have it.”

Then the waitress left us alone to continue our touch-less love making. I looked at Amy and said to her,

“Well there goes my diet because I’m certainly not going to turn this down.”

“What’s the matter? Do you think you’re going to get fat with one doughnut? Anyway

“I think I can come up with a way to work those calories off you.”

I laughed,

“Well you know what they say, ‘A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.’.”

Then the waitress brought our breakfast out to us. We ate, we talked, and best of all, we laughed a lot. Then I asked her, “So any thoughts about what you want to do next? You did promise me the whole day together.”

I saw that pixy come out of her again.

“Didn’t we pass a go kart track on the way here?”

“Go karts? What are we sixteen again?”

She laughed at me,

“What’s the matter? Are you afraid of being sixteen again?”

“Yes I am, and if you could have seen me at sixteen you would understand why.”

Amy was in full rascal mode now,

“You’re chicken aren’t you? You’re afraid I’m going to best you. Admit it!”

“That sounds like a challenge to me.”

Amy folded her arms, raised her eyebrows and tilted her head slightly in this cocky kind of way.

“So how about it cupcake, are you up to the challenge?”

“Cupcake? Okay, bring on the go karts. You want to play rough? Well, so can I girlie.”

I signaled the waitress for our check and Amy took care of it. Then we left to go to the race track. The go kart track was one of those typical low budget affairs. It had an asphalt track in the shape of a figure eight, and the entire tract was surrounded by used tires that served as a barricade to keep drivers from running over spectators. Amy showed no fear as she hopped into her car and drove off. I took a little more time to acquaint myself with my new surroundings before speeding off recklessly into the unknown. Amy was fierce. She drove right up to me and rubbed her front tires on the bumper that encircled my car. However, when I looked at her she was having so much fun that I had to enjoy myself too. No matter what my diminutive bravery was telling me. After about fifteen minutes one of the young kids that worked there signaled us to pull in. Amy was laughing as she ran to me grabbing my arm and leaning her head into my shoulder. I looked at her and commented on our race time.

“Would you mind explaining why you kept running into me?”

“What’s the matter cupcake? Are you afraid to trade a little paint?”

Now it was my turn.

“Alright I’ll show you just what this cupcake can do. Are you up for a little billiards? Tell you what, let’s make it interesting. The loser has to cook dinner for the two of us tonight.”

“You’re on cupcake. It’s a bet.”

I stopped her from walking any farther, took her into my arms and looked her full in the face.

“You know you’re turning out to be a lot of trouble for one little girl.”

She smiled at me.

“Maybe, but I’m pretty sure that you can handle me.”

We kissed each other and took a moment to gaze into each other’s eyes. Then we turned and walked to the car holding hands. When we got to the billiard hall. I got us a table at the back of the house to better increase our chances of being alone. Not that there was a large crowd at this time of day. I walked up to the table confidently and started to rack up the billiard balls. Amy picked out a pool cue from a holder on the wall. As I slid the rack to the racking spot, I began to explain the game to her.

“Okay the object of the game is to sink the nine ball, but you have to go in numerical order. Starting with the one ball and then going to the two ball, and so on. As long you make the shot that you are on you can keep going. However, if you miss then it becomes the other person’s turn and they pick up on whatever ball is next.”

Amy looked at me a little cross-eyed,

“So you mean If I sink eight of the balls on the table, and you make the nine ball; then you would win the game with only making that one shot?”

“Yep.”

Amy smiled, “Okay baby girl, let’s do this.”

I laughed at her as she got ready to break.

“What no cupcake this time?”

“Not this time, I wouldn’t want to see you cry.”

I have to admit that Amy put up a good fight, but this was my game and I was on point that day. Eventually she had to concede and admit that dinner was her reasonability that night. We left the pool hall and went to the grocery store to pick up what Amy needed for dinner. I have gone food shopping on many occasions. However, this time it just felt different, like we were shopping as a couple. We talked about what we wanted and the things that we needed. Amy decided on bow tie pasta with grilled chicken in Alfredo sauce for dinner that night. I picked out a nice pinot Grigio to go with it. We paid for our groceries, then it was off to her place to put it all together.

We tag-teamed the cooking responsibilities. We talked, we laughed, and we frequently stole a kiss in between our cooking duties. Amy pulled out some candles from a sideboard in the space that served as a dining room and set them on the table. She then showed me where the dishes were and I set the table. Amy put on some soft jazz and set the T.V. to the fireplace channel. I poured the wine and we settled at the table. I don’t think we could have had a nicer dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town. As we ate I asked her something that I was a little curious about.

“I’m sorry but I have to ask you something that I’m not sure I understand. You told me you did interior decorating for a living. I mean you have a nice place but it’s just not what I would expect from a professional decorator.”

Amy rolled her eyes upward and exhaled.

“The answer to that is easy. I spend all day making decisions on where things should go and how they should look, the last thing I want to do when I get home is decorate. All I want for for myself is someplace clean and comfortable.”

After dinner we cleaned up the kitchen together and then settled on the couch and put on a movie. We agreed on the movie, Girls like Magic. I laid on the sofa next to the arm and Amy snuggled in on top of me. We stayed that way that way for the rest of the night, except for occasional breaks for the bathroom; even then we were together.

As it got late enough for bedtime, I already knew that there was no going to my place to grab a few things. So I just used my newly acquired toothbrush and set my mind on sleeping in the unashamed. As we got into the bed, I put my arm around her waist and kissed her delicate shoulders. We never made physical love that night, but we did share our love in an intimate way. If there is such a thing as a perfect day in the universe, this would be it. Today for me would always be the day the world stood still.

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Tags: featured, Identity, Transgender

Category: Fiction