The Stained Glass Dream, Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Stepping Out

I spent all morning Sunday searching YouTube for transgender tips and “how to” videos. I was a little disappointed that there was not much for the older transgender girls. Everything that I could find was being done by young pretty girls that had obviously not had the years of testosterone poisoning that I had. Now it was time to take the advice of my new friend and find something about tucking. I actually found a lot videos on the subject. After I had watched about four them, I decided to give it a try. First I needed a gaff. I wasn’t about to do the taping method. After all a girl my age has to do her share of bathroom breaks, and taping does not lend itself well to peeing. So I made myself a gaff using the elastic from an old pair of boxers and then cut off the end of an old sock. Then I inserted the elastic through the sock and I was ready to do the deed. So off I went to the bathroom. Don’t ask me why I went to the bathroom to try out my new ‘lady maker’, after all I was alone and expecting no one.

I went into the bathroom and then I inserted one leg into the loop of elastic on either side of the sock and pulled it up. Now to find that elusive testicle cavity. After a few tries I finally found what I thought might be the place. I pulled up the gaff and just like on the video, everything stayed in place. I slipped on my new panties and was truly amazed at the look I was able to achieve

I put on my new bra and slipped in the breast pads. I got out my little bag of makeup and wondered to myself if I was really ready for this. Everything was great until I got to the eyeliner and false eyelashes. After about 3 different tries on the eyeliner I decided that what I had achieved was as good as I was capable of doing with my current skill level. The falsies took a full thirty minutes to put on, but looked good when I was done. So I put on my new dress and decided to give those wedge sandals another try. I was determined to be the woman I was in my head. That one thought has been the driving force behind my transition ever since.

Now it was time for the piece de résistance, my new wig. I put on my new hair and fixed it up a little in the wall mirror. Then I turned and faced the full length mirror on the back of the door. I could not believe it was me that I saw. In fact I was feeling pretty good about myself until I looked down at my toes peeking through the sandals. I had painted them myself but the job was poorly done at best. It was time to take a deep breath, conquer my fears and go to the nail salon.

I walked into the nail salon feeling like everyone would know that I was transgender. That they would give me some sort of look like I didn’t belong there. The lady behind the desk barely looked up at me,

“Yes ma’am how can I help you?”

It wasn’t until I spoke in my natural voice that she looked at me. Still at this point I was committed.

“I want to get my eyebrows tweezed, and all my nails done. You know, the full works.”

She smiled at me with a very kind smile and said for me to follow her. She led back to a small room with what looked like a message bed and told me to wait there and someone would be with me in a minute. I sat there on the bed looking around the room. Then someone knocked on the door but didn’t wait for a response before coming in. A pretty little Asian girl walked over and asked what it was I wanted done. I told her that my eyebrows where to masculine and would like a more feminine look. She said okay and asked me to lay back on the bed. She picked up a pair of tweezers from a try and began assessing the situation. Then with a speed I was a little uncomfortable with she began plucking. I started to think about things just to take my mind off what was going on. Also I kept thinking about the reaction of the receptionist when I used my voice. First though I needed to find a doctor.

When I got home from the nail salon, I got back onto the computer to find the local LGBTQIA center. I saw that there was one in my city. So I added the number to my phone so that I would have it for tomorrow. I was hoping that they could help me navigate my new journey. However, for tonight I was all dressed up with my nails done. It was time for a little stepping out. So I Googled “gay bars” and got directions.

I found a fairly large bar in midtown. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I went in anyway. In my head I had visions of John Travolta and people sniffing lines of cocaine on the tables. However, as I walked through the door I came to the realization that this was no the longer the Seventies, and John Travolta definitely was not here. The music thundered from every side of the bar, and the bass hit me in the chest as I could feel the impact of the music. I made my way to the bar, which in of itself was no easy task. I shouted my drink order to bartender as he shook his head in acknowledgment. He brought me my drink and I received my second shock, the price of a single drink. Once again I fought my way through the throngs of people and found a seat by the rail to the dance floor. I sat down on one those high stools and set my drink on the narrow railing.

As I sat there watching the dance floor I was struck by two things. The first was how inconspicuous I was. No one even looked at me. The other was how this bar was really no different from the straight bars I have frequented since my first fake ID as a teen. Then at about half way through my drink, I suddenly felt very alone again. In a crowded bar full of people, I felt just as much alone as I did in that dreadful house. I decided if I was going to be alone, it was cheaper to do that at the house. I finished my drink and decided to go to the bathroom before I left. As I walked into the bathroom, this gorgeous blonde with long tangled curls was walking out. She hesitated for just a moment. I thought she was going to ask if she knew me, but she only smiled and continued on her journey. So I went about my business and then went home only to put the incident behind me. Still she was stunning!

Tomorrow was another work day, so for tonight, I got undressed and put on my night shorts. Then it was off to bed. I laid there in bed going over the events of the past two days in my head. Not a bad two days for a newly out and single Trans girl.

I’ve thought about this a lot. I don’t mind the thought of being a Trans girl, after all I was gendered as a male most of my life. Also the idea of being born in the wrong body never occurred to me either. This is my body and it’s the only one I have. Still, this body has never been a true representation of who I was in my heart. So now it was time to make the outside match the inside. I had reached the point in my life where it was time for medical intervention. It was time to live my life as a woman, my authentic self. With those thoughts I drifted off to sleep.

The next day I got dressed up fully as Diane and went in to work. When I walked into the office, I got a real surprise. Everyone turned to look and me and I even got a couple of cat calls. I only walked to my desk as if I didn’t hear anything. I had just gotten settled in when I heard a voice behind me. It was holy Mary.

“You know you’re going to hell right?”

I inhaled a long breath as I closed my eyes,

“Mary my wife just left me for someone else. I’m already in hell.”

I could feel the righteousness swelling up inside of her.

“You are an abomination according to God.”

I swiveled my chair to face her,

“So God told you this personally?”

“It’s in his divine word.”

I took another long breath,

“Okay Mary, chapter and verse”

Mary began to smile as if she had something,

“Genesis 1:27, So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them.”

This time I smiled, I was expecting this one, “Mary I’m glad you brought that up, it’s important to start from the beginning. Answer a question for me, and be careful because the answer is very important. Tell me, what gender is God?”

Mary looked confused for a brief moment,

“The Bible says ‘he’ created them so God must be a man.”

“Alright, let’s go with that for the moment. Now the Bible says that he created ‘them’ in his own image. Them is referring to the plural meaning two, don’t you agree?  So if God is a man, how can Eve be made in his image? After all the bible says he created them. I’ve heard some preachers say that God contains aspects of both male and female traits. That God is spirit. That would better fit the verse don’t you think?” 

Mary started to get a little unsure at this point.

“I don’t know, I guess it’s possible.”

I quickly got into the point I wanted to make at the start.

“So if God contains aspects of both male and female, wouldn’t that mean a transgender person Is even more in the image of God? Also let’s look at the rest of creation in Genesis. It says that God separated the light from the darkness, yet we still have sunrise and sunset. A mixture of the both darkness and light. Then he separated the waters from the land, and yet we entire mountain ranges under the ocean. Mary you are the one putting limits on God, not me.

Mary began to get indignant at this point.

“That’s hogwash! The Bible also says that a man should not wear women’s clothes.

I laughed a little at her uneasiness.

“Yes that’s Deuteronomy 22:5, The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.”

Mary smiled at that.

“Okay let’s see you overcome that one Mr. Smarty Pants.

It was my turn to smile.

“Mary I don’t have to. Have you ever read the Bible commentary that goes along with that verse? Well I have. It says that in the ancient Middle East, dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex was a magical practice intended to bring harm to people. For example a male would put on the clothing of a woman and would predict that the other army would be as weak as women. That verse has more to with witchcraft than crossdressing.”

Mary pointed her finger at me this time.

“You’re still a homosexual.”

This was no longer fun but growing tiresome.

“Alright Mary let’s look at that: According to what you believe I’m a man. However I’m still attracted to girls. So how am I a homosexual? Even if I was attracted to men, The Bible that sin begins in the heart. So if I am truly transgender I believe that I am a female in my heart. So my attraction to men is natural. It’s my feeling that I’m the one who is gay because I feel in my heart that I’m female and like I said I love women. So I identify as Translesbian. Now if you are finished I have work to do.”

Mary put her hands on her hips.

“Well it sounds to me that you have yourself pretty well convinced. I hope remember all that when you are standing before Jesus on that judgment day.”

One more time I would defend myself.

“Mary, my final destination in the hereafter depends solely on one thing. Is my name written

In the Lamb’s Book of Life. You don’t get to make that decision, that is between me and my Maker. And you know what? I’m okay with my relationship with God.”

At this point my boss walked out of his office and saw Mary at my desk.

“Mary if you’re finished with what I gave you this morning, I have three more reports on my desk that needs To be gone over.”

Mary looked flustered at this point, as if the world was picking on her for trying to do God’s work. To be fair to her, in her mind she was trying to save my soul from eternal damnation. However, she has no idea of the long nights and the soul searching I have done already. I am completely secure in who I am and my salvation.

By lunchtime I was actually feeling pretty good about myself. So I decided to ditch my packed lunch and go to a little Italian deli that was just down the street from my office building downtown. I left the office building. It was one of those days where the sun was shining, not too hot with breeze that seemed just right for the day. I was looking good and I was contented in who I was. Then I heard someone behind me, “Hey pretty girl. What are you doing walking around making my dick hard?”

At first I wasn’t sure what to do. I had never been approached in that manner before. I stopped not really knowing what to say.

“Listen buddy, I’m not who you think I am. Anyway I don’t do men.”

He smiled back at me. “Oh, I know exactly who you are. Why don’t you let me take you home and treat you like the woman you want to be.”

Now I was starting to get mad.

“Listen I told you I don’t like men.”

“So you want me to believe that you’re a tranny and you don’t like men? I know what you are looking for, free dick!”

For the first time this was all too much for me. I couldn’t believe the audacity of this guy! I took my cell phone out of my purse.

“Alright I’m telling you for the last time, I’m on my lunch break and I don’t have time for this right now. If you don’t leave me alone I’m going to have to call someone.”

He threw his hands up in the air like he was surrendering.

“Pretty girl there’s no need to get upset. I was only trying to give you what you really want. You need a man and I need to get laid.”

At that point I pushed myself past him and continued on my way to the Deli. After I got my lunch I went back to the office, still in shock from my encounter with that pervert. As I walked onto the floor of our building to the office I immediately looked for Karen. I could not get the afternoons events out of my head. When I found her I told her that I needed talk to her. I told her about the man and the awful things he said to me. Karen did not give me the reaction I was expecting. Instead of sympathy and understanding, all I got was a little snicker as she rolled her eyes.

“All I can tell you Jennifer is, you want to live as woman? Well being a woman is not always pretty dresses and polite men opening doors for you. We all get the perverts. It’s part of being female. Some men think that women like being treated like whores. You just have to learn to deal with it. For them it’s some of weird turn on. You wanted to be a woman, well, welcome to womanhood.”

All at once a hundred things went through my mind. Why there was such need for the “me too” movement. I thought of the women who when describing a sexual harassment encounter is told that she is only exaggerating things by the patriarchal society. There are so many more injustices that I never gave much thought to. It is one thing to be a man and understand that life is not always fair to women. It is a completely different thing when it happens to you. For the first time in my life I was really beginning to understand what it was a woman goes through, and I didn’t like it.

Later that day another co-worker named Bob came over to talk to me, “Hey, James, oops, sorry, you know buddy I just can’t get used to this new thing you’re doing.”

I let out a brief sigh, “It’s not a thing, or a phase I’m going through, it’s who I am on the inside. James was the phase, the person I was pretending to be.”

Bob simply shrugged this off and continued with what he wanted to say.

“Yeah, okay. Got It. Anyway, Karen said you were looking for a new place. The apartment complex I live in has open apartments, and I would be willing to give you a reference if you’re interested. And Buddy let me tell you, you’ve got to check out the females that hang around the pool. Believe me when I say that it’s worth the rent just for that.”

I looked up at him from my desk chair, “Alright, sounds nice. I would like that. Although I’m not sure just how much checking out I’m going to be doing. However I would appreciate the reference.”

True to his word, Bob gave me a glowing reference, even though as he put it, I had my eccentricities. So I gave them the deposit and the first month rent. I then hired some movers to do the hard work. After all I just had my nails done. 

Two weeks later I was moving into my new place. As I was unpacking I was thinking about maybe having a small get together with Bob and his family and Karen and hers. These two people had been there for me when I needed the help. Paying for a little food seemed like the very least I could do.

By the end of that first day I was completely exhausted and decided to go relax by the apartment complex pool. So I put my one piece bathing suit on and a t-shirt to give me a little more confidence. I had only been out there for about twenty minutes. I was feeling the coolness of the evening sun, laying there with my eyes closed and just enjoying myself. Then suddenly I heard a voice talking to me.

“Excuse me, but is that lounge beside you taken?”

I slowly opened my eyes to see who it was. I couldn’t really make out any details of this person because she was standing between me and the setting sun. I could tell that it was a woman, she looked to be wrapped up in and oversized beach towel. She had a voice that was pleasant with a little bit of an accent. I spoke back to her squinting my eyes trying to get a better look.

“No, no one is using it. Feel free to take it if you want.”

She then moved to the other side of me and away from the sun. She then dropped her towel to reveal a body that to me seemed perfect. She had soft white skin, she was trim without being too skinny. The two piece bikini that she was wearing covered all the important parts, but just barely. I looked at her face, and to be honest this was the first time I had taken a good look at it. Her face seemed to be the classic oval shape that’s all artist try to obtain. She had cheekbones that sat high and a small nose that seemed to be just right for kissing. Then there was her hair. Kind of a dark brown, brunet. It seemed to be flowing from her head but all in tangled curls. Then I realized, Damm! It was her, the girl from the club.

To be continued.

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Tags: featured, fiction, Transgender

Category: Fiction