The Side Effects of Secrecy

Many transgender people use secrecy to protect themselves from cultural rejection. After all, the nature of transgenderism is that it involves behavior and presentation that are at variance with cultural assignment to gender behavior categories. However, secrecy is toxic and causes physiological and psychological damage. So how can we deal with the side effects of secrecy?

Dr. Dana Bevan

Transgender secrecy frequently begins as soon as children realize that they are transgender, about age 4. My secrecy began as soon as I got a reaction from my parents to my expressed desire to change sex like Christine Jorgenson who was in the news at the time. I immediately learned that transgender behavior could only be conducted in private and had to be kept secret even from my parents and family. I got good at planning transgender episodes in which I would wear my mother’s clothing or putting on makeup in front of the mirror. I learned to remember to put her clothes exactly back where they came from. After participating in a musical at church, I learned how to take off the makeup effectively with cold cream.

I learned how my friends and schoolmates regarded transgender behavior. I started to laugh at their jokes about transgender behavior and people even though I found them cruel. There are some clinical studies that purport to show that most transgender children stop their transgender behavior by age 10 and certainly by age 20. But what they really show is that many of the transgender children refuse to participate in clinical surveys by age 10 and certainly by age 20 and many of those who do participate probably lie in saying their transgender behavior has ceased. Although most transgender people never see a clinician, this is an indicator that transgender people turn to secrecy at an early age.

The secrecy continues into adulthood. The covert transgender episodes continue in private until some find that they cannot bear the secrecy any more and begin to go out publicly to support groups or friendly bars. Even then, their transgender behavior may be kept secret from wives and significant others until they again cannot bear the secrecy.

Some transgender people, the transsexuals, modify their bodies with hormones and surgeries but then go back into secrecy we call “stealth.” They try to establish new identities and new lives in other localities. In the last year, I have lost three really good Facebook friends to “stealth.” In each case, there was a Facebook declaration that they were going to get the genital surgery and they were terminating their Facebook accounts.

What are the side effects of secrecy? There actually is a body of science that reveals their toxic effects. People who try to keep secrets must constantly be mentally on guard to protect their secrets. They have to make up cover stories for what they were doing when they were really engaged in transgender behavior. They have to pretend to dislike the idea of transgender behavior. The have to use the correct pronouns and avoid revealing phraseology. In order to make it easier to keep the consistency of their lies, they compartmentalize their friends. Another common side effect of secrecy is loneliness. The burden of lying and deception can be reduced by reducing human interactions through isolation; loneliness is the result.

In high school, I compartmentalized my school friends into people in my college prep classes and people on my football team that made walking through the cafeteria like walking on the high wire. Later in life, I worked for the intelligence community and formally learned how to craft cover stories and to lie effectively to protect national secrets. From my transgender secrecy experiences, I felt like I had pre-evolved to be ready for these secrecy techniques. My intelligence training actually helped perfect my transgender secrecy activities. I became good enough with these techniques for my TSTG not to be discovered while I was trans in the military.

The result of all these mental gymnastics is a stressful mental workload that interferes with other activities and decreases productivity at school and work. This workload also has injurious physiological effects and reduces the effectiveness of the immune system in protecting the body.

Mental workload, isolation and loneliness due to secrecy can contribute to depression and attempted suicide, particularly among young people. The rate of depression among transgender people is high. This is not the type of organic depression that is hereditary; it is the type called “reactive depression” because it is a rational response to situations. Reactive depression can be treated with drugs and mental health counseling. The rate of attempted suicide in transgender people is at least 35-41% and probably higher, compared with the general population suicide attempt rate of 1%. Suicide hotlines help but prevention through treatment is better.

In order to reduce or eliminate the side effects of secrecy, it is important for transgender people to share their secret with friends, support groups or competent mental health counselors. (Ask your transgender friends for references because most mental health counselors are not knowledgeable about TSTG). This takes courage to not be afraid of rejection. Of course, coming out is the best medicine but this may not be possible.

The best way to deal with secrets is not to keep them and if you have them to reveal them to others. This is true for all kinds of secrets and especially for secrets of transgender behavior. Remember that you are not alone. There are many who have had similar experiences who need support.

Tags: crossdressing, featured, secrecy, Transgender, transsexualism

Category: Transgender Body & Soul