The Occasional Woman — Summer Legs
Dearest Readers — Hello from Summer!
Yes, spring has just slammed shut, so it’s time to discuss P. W. I. — Pertinent Wardrobe Issues! Let’s talk about hosiery. We spent all winter in leggings, tights, panty hose and tall socks; now our hearts long for flippy little dresses, audacious skirts and anything but heavy clothing. We bathe, depilate, lotion up and head for Clothing Storage! There’s a nifty pink skater dress and saucy pink peep-toe pumps and SCRRREEEEECH! What to do with our legs?
Not tights; too hot, and they’re all black, a real downer with a flimsy pink dress. No more leggings until the first frost. Too hot already for pantyhose. What’s a girl to do? Here are some choices.
No hose at all — can be a wonderful idea unless you have not pumiced the feet all winter, as you thought “what the hell, who’s going to see them?” Well, we can see them now! Feets got to be groomed, as in using a pumice stone on heels and other rough parts, a nice thick lotion to smooth them out, a good pedicure or at least a decent nail trim — nobody wants to see witchy yellow nails curling onto your shoe’s sole. A little touch of nail polish ain’t gonna kill you, neither. And your legs — are they fish-belly white? Can you read by them at night? Get some of that fake tan stuff, or discreetly stick them out the back door to neutralize the blue, as George Carlin used to say.
Ashy, flaky skin? Here’s what I do: After a nice bath and shave, I dry off with a wet wash cloth saturated in baby oil; the skin dries smooth and moisturized. Whatever you do, use lotion or your legs are going to be presented in commando form.
Thigh-high stockings — these can be great if you have, uh, kind of muscular thighs. If your upper leg area is at all squishy, these hose will not stay up! I wore some to a job interview, and they wound up around my ankles in the small office. Not my best look ever!
Old-fashioned garters & real stockings — I hear these can work well, especially for the comfortable aeration of your fancy parts. Drawbacks: What if a garter slips or gets detached? See above for “stockings around ankles. Also, one runs the risk of feeling Too Sexy For Your Hose! This could make you get all wiggly and have to turn back and go home…I think you get the picture.
My vote is for option 1. I mean, they are your gams, stems, and legs, so you kinda hafta be the judge and jury here. Pantyhose probably look the best, and camouflage a multitude of sins; if you have been taking care of your feet and skin, go out in brazen nudity; if you have Thighs Of Iron, go for thigh-high stockings. Garter belts for the naughty girls!
Just don’t let me see you in a sheer, girly frock with black tights, okay?
Lorraine Anderson is the owner of the custom clothing source, The Occasional Woman.
Category: Style, Transgender Fashion